My Life as Me...

Little Earthquakes...

2011-01-03T20:31:00.001-05:00

Yellow bird flying
Gets shot in the wing
Good year for hunter
And Christmas parties
And I hate and I hate
And I hate and I hate
Elevator music
The way we fight
The way I'm left here silent

Oh these little earthquakes
Here we go again
These little earthquakes
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces

We danced in graveyards
With vampires till dawn
We laughed in the faces of kings
Never afraid to burn
And I hate and I hate
And I hate and I hate
Disintegration
Watching us wither
Black winged roses that safely changed their color

Oh these little earthquakes
Here we go again
These little earthquakes
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces

I can't reach you
I can't reach you
Give me life
Give me pain
Give me myself again

Oh these little earthquakes
Here we go again
These little earthquakes
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces

SNOW!! SNOW!!! SNOW!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAY

2009-10-15T12:40:00.003-04:00

soooooo.. i woke up and it was snowing!! yay!!!! last year it was on the 10th of OCT, so no records broken.. i was actually getting antsy for it. It's not sticking yet.. but it should be soon i would imagine.. we have a winterweather advisory till 8am tomorrow woot!

It's Irving Berlin's Fault...

2009-10-14T23:37:00.000-04:00

Why worry when skies are gray
Why should we complain
Let's laugh at the cloudy day
Let's sing in the rain
Songwriters say the storm quickly passes
That's their philosophy
They see the world through rose-colored glasses
Why shouldn't we?

Just around the corner
There's a rainbow in the sky
So let's have another cup o' coffee
And let's have another piece o' pie!

Trouble's just a bubble
And the clouds will soon roll by
So let's have another cup o' coffee
And let's have another piece o' pie

Let a smile be your umbrella
For it's just an April show'r
Even John D. Rockefeller
Is looking for the silver lining

Mister Herbert Hoover
Says that now's the time to buy
So let's have another cup o' coffee
And let's have another piece o' pie!

Things that really matter
Are the things that gold can't buy

Funny story from work..

2009-09-20T14:18:00.002-04:00

Ok.. so last night was a little insane... involving water from the shower head getting pointed into the hallway... yeah, that sucked to try and clean up, so that was what it was, but i didn't get the laundry even started before the fill in chick got there, she decided to put ALLLLL of it in the washer at once, which was wayyy too much, the washer couldn't spin out properly, so this genious accepts this and puts all the SOPPING wet clothes in the drier. (and i mean sopping, it took mo 5 spin out cycles to get them dry) now its 2am.. this chick is calling me to tell me that the drier doesn't work.. uhh.. so i tell mike bc he is good with these things, he gave all sorts of ideas... blah.. yeah.. of all the dumb things... i am just miffed at the shear stupidity of this. its so dumb its amusing.

Green Skies..

2009-08-21T11:14:00.001-04:00

So, I wake up today to thunder, thinking shit, I left my windows open in my car! So I quick throw some clothes on and I'm weird, I like thunderstorms so I check the radar to see what we are in for.... Uhhhh yeah... I see this, " TORNADO WARNING FOR... EAST CENTRAL LACKAWANNA COUNTY IN NORTHEAST PENNSYLVANIA... AT 1028 AM EDT...NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DOPPLER RADAR INDICATED A SEVERE THUNDERSTORM CAPABLE OF PRODUCING A TORNADO NEAR MOSCOW... MOVING NORTHEAST AT 35 MP" ok, so for starters... This is the first time they ever specified Moscow in a special weather statement, so I'm like oh shit! Then it hits me.. I don't have a basement in this house, and George isn't home so I can't use his... Oh crap! Now in case you missed it, this is a WARNING not a watch, meaning like take cover! So yeah, I called my daddy tweaking out, what do we do? Bc we do have this little crawl space, he decided that was no good and that we should sit in the kitchen so at least if when the roof caves in, it will hit the fridge not us, and to watch the animals they will start acting weird right before... Like mocha actually standing in the window while there is thunder weird? Bc that dog hates thunder! Rar! So as my dad is looking at this radar, he says its just over 380 heading your way, so I think OMG, Janice will be on 380 right this second getting off the daleville exit! Well as I'm thinking this she calls to say that the rain was cycloning around the van, there's a tornado heading in your direction, now I'm really tweaking she's only 8 mins from me. Crap. Sooooo I go in the kitchen and wait, and not gonna lie, pray a lot. Then I notice instead of getting louder, the thunder is dissipating, and the skies are clearing, daddy called and said it Just missed us but don't go out yet, there is another cell coming behind about 20 miles back, he will keep an eye on it. So, for now, we're ok, and thank god.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Soooo Dreamin Deamon...

2009-07-27T11:47:00.005-04:00

Apparently when you make a comment there, the parents of the person you are commenting on, decide they HAVE TO send you a myspace message, I should say this is the first time this has ever happened.. however, it is annoying as all hell. So I am going to share with you the lovely conversation I had with Terrell Scott's mother Holly. *sigh*

It's all in reference to this article, I warn you it's very graphic

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♥Wicked Sweet Rockin' Chick♥
To: *Karin E. Overfield*
Date: Jul 6, 2009 1:25 AM
Subject: my son

This is Terrell Scott's mom Holly,
It's so messed up that the women and her girls are lying!!! I've known the mom and the girls for over three yrs. The mom and the girls all have police records, which the Easton cops and Easton Children and Youth are well aware of, way before my son was ever involved in his Ex's (Crystal Hodgkins) life. It's messed up that for some reason that bit of info was left out. I have so much evidence to show that the police messed up A LOT with this case and evidence to show that my son is innocence. Mind you my son doesn't even have a police record. So everyone who feels my son will gets his, just think how strange it is that all of Crystal Hodgkins and all of her daughter's wrong doings weren't even mentioned. And by the way Crystal and the girls, who called Terrell their "Daddy" and me "Grand mom", just want to say thanks a lot for putting my son behind bars. And to my sweet son, Mommy and everyone who knows the truth we are all trying our best to set you free, and clear your name.

so I just wrote back with...

"uhhh way confused?"

(mainly because this was from like a month ago! why would I remember some comment on DD from a month ago??!)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♥Wicked Sweet Rockin' Chick♥
To: *Karin E. Overfield*
Date: Jul 26, 2009 10:55 PM
Subject: RE: my son

I wrote 2 u a while ago, reguarding the comment u placed on demon website. And I wrote 2 every1 who placed a comment and bad 1's and they didn't even know the full story b4 that had something about the story.
Holly

I wrote back with

"yeah, i figured it out, i understand your need as his mother to clear his name, but he admitted to splitting the child's fingernails, i mean common lady.. thats disgusting, i myself lost my foster child to a child molester, i have no patience for this type of bs, i know how it affects the children, and the families, how about instead of wasting your time writing to everyone who said something ill about your son, why don't you realize he needs help.
Here, you can read my story.

http://www.dreamindemon.com/2008/10/15/nicholas-pinto-shoots
-children/

god does everything for a reason, we can either accept and learn. or deny and never heal."

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♥Wicked Sweet Rockin' Chick♥
To: *Karin E. Overfield*
Date: Jul 27, 2009 8:29 AM
Subject: my son

if u read my myspace or mt son's myspace or the cooments I wrote I wrote he was forced by the cops 2 admitt 2 something on my myspace there r pleanty of pics of the kids! also on dreaming demon his ex admitted she LIED ON MY SON cause she was mad he was leaving her after being w/her for over 3 yrs & my son & I told chilldren & youth on her & they took the kids away she was getting close to 2000.00 a month for the kids. so instead of u trashing my son do ur research and READ!

another thing that will come out is how messed up the system is &how the cops didn't read my son his rights or how they wouldn't give him a lawyer & the research my father myself & private investergator is how crooked the cops the luzerne children and youth & easton's cops &easton's children& youth are. the bottom line is that crystal said she lied cause she was mad at my son leaving her & ratting her out look at her pic ( http://www.myspace.com/freeterrellscott) mind u she's a drug abuser (my son never used drugs or ever drank) and she's a 47 yr.old white women(who's been in the system 4 over 20 yrs. she's had 8 kids one even died in foster kids & all her kids have special needs....hmmmm cause she used drugs during her pregnancy) & if u belive it or not a white women can lie on a black man in a second. & w/out checking in2 any of the facts they will lock up a black man in a second. there r pleanty of pics of her kids who called me grandma & I saw the kids at lease 2x a week for over 3 yrs. http://www.myspace.com/wickedsweetrockinchick so again read the true facts instead of jumping the gun & accusing someone how would u like it.

♥Wicked Sweet Rock...
Date:
Jul 27, 2009 11:43 AM
Subject:
RE: my son
Body:

Hey chickie, no one is jumping the gun, who is to say what you say is actually fact? I read your ridiculous site, even before you sent it to me, you have proven nothing. You know what happened the first time Nick decided to touch a child? His mother defended him instead of getting him help, she refused to believe what the police found to be true. He then went on to touch children again. It is your duty as a parent to help your child, not to send obnoxious emails to people, who really don't care either way. Police men/women do not force you to say things. That is absolutely absurd. You are no different than my mother, who refuses to believe my brother is a drug user despite the fact that, my brother has done nothing correct in his life and has caused my father and myself a massive amount of heart ache. Between having two abortions with some disgusting girl, smoking Pot, using Acid, eating Mushrooms, smoking Dust, nearly killing my mother in a drunken rage two christmas' ago, getting caught sleeping with a 16 year old yesterday, my mother still somehow can turn a blind eye. This scares me on many levels, her denial is so deep, to her he never used drugs, he never had the abortions and what happened yesterday never happened. He is her little angel and always will be. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother but her head is clouded. This could very well be the case with you, parents often find it rather hard to admit when their child has done something horrific. You know you didn't raise him like that, you know thats not what you taught him, and you are convinced he actually learned something from it. That is the wrong path to walk. Nick's mother figured this out herself, when after turning a blind eye the first time, he then went a few years later and touched four children in my house, and another 9 in ct. to be 100% honest with you, I really don't give two shits what happens to your son, I don't care what happens to you, to me you are some crazy ass chick that refuses to open her eyes and has created delusions to make herself feel better. Honestly, I pity you. I will pray that you find some peace, you obviously are quite an angry woman, and quite a confused one. I will pray that when the verdict comes down, and he stays in jail that you will accept it in your heart, because if you don't, you life will be a very unhappy one. Please stop contacting me, people will talk, people will say things that are not nice, what you are doing is NOT clearing his name, it is harassment, and I don't have time for it. You are only succeeding in annoying the ever-loving hell out of me. In fact, your testimony towards him makes me believe he did it all the more. You have a lot to learn about people and how to interact with them, and not to mention, you may need to go back to elementary school, your writing is horrific. If you want people to listen try a different approach, ranting and raving like and illiterate psycho will get you NOWHERE. Please don't contact me again.

Greg...

2009-07-21T11:09:00.003-04:00

Greg is a moron.. and bc he is a moron i get to go to fairfield and bring the truck back... mikes driving dads truck, i'm driving my car.. and dads driving Greg's broke ass truck if it even makes it that far.. ugggghhhhhhhh wtf?!?! he needs to get a fucking grip on reality!!! but he won't not with all the acid he ate last night GOD HES STUPID!!!!

The broke ass truck

Katie

2009-07-08T16:02:00.002-04:00

The girl I work with disgusts me, she is 21 and pregnant by an 18 year old guy, in his senior year of high school. At the time of conception, he was 17. According to her the cops here don't care.

She is a horrible person, proud she still lives with her mother, in a double wide trailer. But not only does she live in a trailer, but she aspires to being just like the stereotypical "trailer trash" she can't wait to be able to "quit and go on welfare" no joke, this is what she wants, its not a matter of necessity as it is for some, she just wants to do it. She tells me things like I am going to be my baby's best friend, which we all know is terribly wrong, children need parents to guide and teach them, not to be their friends! The things she says really pains me to hear.

And then there's the ever so classy shirts she chooses to wear, as in the picture above, she told me her next one would be "I'm not fat, I'm knocked up!" excuse me while I vomit.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Janice's cat..

2009-06-30T20:38:00.001-04:00

Sooo Janice has this cat, Bobs daughter dropped it off last night, and she put it in a box, and opened the garage, the thing takes off running... If I had to live with Janice I would too lol...

Well tonight Katie and I are outside and it comes up to us and we tried to catch it and had no such luck. Poor kitty I feel bad that its outside in the horrible weather... It looks like my little mittens did minus the extra paws, Janice was going to name it chai latte or something poor poor kitty.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

The Farm..

2009-06-27T11:44:00.006-04:00

So yesterday we went up to the farm to visit with my dad and aunt anna. While we were at The Stables Restaurant, we heard the emergency beeps over the radio, and of course me and my father pull out our cell phones to see what it was bc you couldn't make out what the radio was saying. Turns out a huge ominous storm is approaching.. one that could.. and would produce two inch hail, damaging winds and torrential down pours. Soooo.. we go back to the barn.. and of course.. two seconds after walking in, boom! the skies open up.. and god was it loud.. so.. yeah.. heres some pictures... lol

Old Lyme trip again..

2009-06-21T11:30:00.000-04:00

Not much to say about it.. just sharing pictures.. did the usual Niantic, Book Barn and Skippers.. Met a cool artist my father knows, Frank i think his name was.. In Branford.. where it rained a lot and people weren't very friendly, and the shuttle bus never came. I ate my lox bagels, Magic Brownies.. bc coffees is awesome.. and my lobster roll.. it was a pretty good trip overall..

The Drama lately...

2009-06-19T12:13:00.002-04:00

Sooooooo... after having been a friend to heather, feeding here when she was hungry, listening to her annoying stories over and over and over... and her insistent chatter about Carroll's penis... like let it go already... her melodrama... her lies and head games all of it i put up with. She in the beginning was only supposed to pretend to date Eric, she wanted to get Carroll of her back, why she didn't just tell him she wasn't interested is beyond me, but pretending turned into the real thing somehow. and what ensued was her making a mockery of my very close friend. She used him in every way imaginable, even to push her own agenda with the rest of the group, believe it or not she went as far as to insinuate he raped her. Then if this is not enough, she brings her ex boyfriend Eric from Tennessee back home and has him move in with her and lies continuously about that.. so when i do confront her.. she decides to make my life hell at work and tell my boss lies about me.. she is unholy stupid. I'm really not sure why i bother to have friends any more.

The new girl...

2009-05-21T14:08:00.002-04:00

So I feel really bad for the new girl at work... she was there two days before she started hating janice, actually, the first time i saw her the first words out of her mouth were "help me" having Hitler up your butt for hours on end.. is not something i would ever want. In-fact, i don't think i could handle that at all... well anyways, i think that she is gonna try to stay at the Olyphant house, i dunno. She is a really funny girl, i think she said her husband was blind? i cant remember.. but its great, she hates janice even before i open my mouth. At least i dont have to deal with her alone any more..

It was the best of time... And now its the worst of times...

2009-05-17T17:54:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I don't understand myself, my life, or which paths I am meant to walk in life, I try to live it by doing what is fair and right, but fair and right are not always easy. And sometimes they hurt others, and myself, sometimes its saying good bye to things that up until that point you never knew existed, feelings that were so strong... You're left in awe ... and now, left to wonder... What was I thinking and where the hell did I go wrong? Can this really be it? Is this really what it's come to?!? I guess we never truly know if the decisions we make are the right ones, and some decisions that seemed right will haunt you forever, or at least me... I keep catching glimpses of "I didn't expect this" or "I don't want this" and the endless waterfall starts, not for myself, but for whom I have hurt with my words, actions, and decisions. I feel like I have made the worst decision I could have. I feel empty, I feel wrong, my life is full of these regrets, and I am left to wonder if for once in my life, will I ever do something right? Will I ever be able to make someone truly happy? Is happiness even a real thing that we strive for? Or it is imaginary like the Easter bunny or Santa Clause? I just wish I had a crystal ball.... Or a time machine, so I could take it all back, or I could know what I really did. Nothing is right in my world. Nothing.

Spring has finally sprung in moscow! yay

2009-05-15T11:33:00.005-04:00

Peas coming up in the garden..

Dill in the Herb Garden

Lilacs!!

and more lilacs on the other side of the house...

Ct Trip..

2009-05-11T11:04:00.012-04:00

So i took Heather and Jax to Ct, we spent the weekend at the lake house.. it was.. well an interesting time to say the VERY least, we arrived at the house around 3 am after having been angry with Jax's GPS, which ultimately was 100% accurate, though on the way i looked at the map in the CT welcome center, just to be sure, and Heather found a drunk man, a VERY drunk man.. i mean my lord did he reek!! who then hopped in his car and speed off into the night.. pretty scary, then while we were looking to see if the drunk man was anywhere near us on the road, you know, not looking to really die on the way there and all.. we notice a car on rt84 driving with no headlights, in the pitch black of night... the genius didn't realize until like 15 mins later.. at which point i sent Dan some txt saying some thing like, "drunk guy at the rest stop and some other idiot with no lights, its good to be home in ct" *rolls eyes*

I think i got a little off topic, we get to the house, and by brother greg, and this comes as no surprise, is drinking downstairs in the family room, or let me correct that, drunk, with Audrey, and John Skogg.. and doing all the dumb things one who is drunk does, he was also high as a kite, of course my mothers one stipulation for them to stay there was, no drugs of alcohol, yeah we can see he really respects her wishes.. Tony quoted it best today.. “Parents who allow their children to make 'adult' decisions, yet consistently shield them from personal responsibility and the 'adult' consequences of their actions, set their kids up for failure in life and are abusing them as surely as if they whip them daily...” – anonymous yeah.. something i wish i had the balls to send to my mother, oh well.. she wants to let greg continue to run her life thats her business. he still makes me ill. so after this, the girls and i went up to the lake room and watched the oblongs. then went to bed.

Saturday now, i wake up at 10 am, go out to the car to get everyone's clothes so we can go to Coffee's and get, you guessed it, coffee, lol.. my mother had made her AWESOME breakfast casserole.. yumm yumm.. i get out to my car and notice a nice scrape in the front bumper which also had john's car color paint chips in it, and john's car was exceptionally close to mine, not how it was parked last night, i promptly got michael up to double check because he was the one who parked my car, he agreed that he had not parked my car that close to johns. so i ran down stairs and woke john up with a smack upside his head asking him why his stupid drunk ass went driving last night? and why the fuck did he hit my car?!? and guess what? really just guess, he hadn't taken the car, my stupid ass brother did. and of course, what did he do? oh i didn't hit your car! i was like how the fuck do you think i knew you left last night?!?! good lord, yet another instance where there is no consequences for his stupid actions. i let it go because i knew everyone else wouldn't care, and wouldn't do a damn thing about it. fuck. so then we went out with my mother, mike stayed at the house to get homework done and put the dock in, well we drove to the christmas tree shop, and as soon as we pull in, there is greg on my mothers phone FREAKING out, screaming at my mother for my dad calling him out on doing something wrong, she stayed outside talking to him for 20 mins, they found his bottle of bacardi, he must think my parents are really fucking stupid because he told my mother it was an old bottle, ok.. so like why are you carrying it around? he is so infuriating!!! well finally he hung up with my mother, and she came in the store, we got tons of cool stuff, and then went to Nyantic, we wandered around the stores for a while, and hit up the book barn annex, in the city, met the cool cat frank, and talked with the owner for a while, my mother and i were telling jax and heather that we were on L.I. Sound, but you couldn't see it because it was so foggy. we walked through some more stores then walked to Skippers.. yay!! had some good food.. it was nice, New England lobster is wayyy better than PA lobster.. then went to the actual book barn jackie found a dog to play with and play she did, i got two books there and took lots of pictures, then we went back home. rested for a while and went to aunt nancy and uncle bills #2 in Old Saybrook. we had dinner there and heard about the fire that had happened on the grill prior to us arriving, the potatoes were then called mickies all night. it was fun. We got home and greg hounded poor Heather for Darvocet alll night.. asshole.

Sunday, again we woke up early and went to Coffee's, (i got up at 7 am and hung out with my dad) i got my usually spinach bagel with Lox.. mmmmmmmm and an iced coffee. i got michael one with mocha in it and started missing my puppy. So it was mothers day so i gave my mother her card, and she had invited greg to go with us to New Haven, i kinda didn't want him to, but took him anyways, he was actually pretty well behaved for most of the day, save the fact that he opened heather's car door on 95 and nearly pushed her out.. dick head. we went to the Yale Museum Of Art and wandered around town, hit up Ikea and had lunch at Claire's like wow good veggi food, then headed back to the lake and had salmon dinner with my parents, and headed home, not before jax put her head through the glass door to the house.. she wouldn't let anyone look at it.. i assume she is ok?? let hope.. so yeah.. that was our great weekend..

Unacceptable

2009-05-06T00:38:00.003-04:00

yes, that is a good word, it has been unacceptably long since i have last posted here.. good lord! like last freggin month.. i am a terrible slacker *hangs head* i suppose its because i really haven't had too much interesting to say. lets see, so on the janice front, she has been frighteningly nice to me lately, save for putting me on schedule for my day off with out asking first. but really no complaints there, even gave me yesterday off. though a bit of a funny revelation heather and i had today, well not funny, but funny for what could happen, every day heather goes running at lake scranton, and every day she sees janice running there, here's the fun part, she sees her at like 1pm or 2pm, and janice is on the clock until 3pm. heather also told me she has seen the work van there on numerous occasions, which is also interesting because i wonder what she writes on the van log? does she fudge the time? i mean i guess she doesn't need to fudge the millage, because it is on her way back from day program.. but sheesh! if that isn't a blatant disregard for the company i don't know what is! and then heather and i were talking like friday i think it was about how nell doesn't mop the floors, so she put a line on the bottle of the floor cleaner and a rubber band around the mop, and a piece of paper in the floor cleaner top, one that would certainly fall out if you used it. heather then wasn't on for two days, the level was still at the line, the paper still there and the rubber band still on the mop, thus confirming our suspicions. of course really nothing we can do about it. i am pretty sure neither of them can do a thing to get fired which is unfortunate, because i have never seen people get away with so much, oh and i told janice that i had suspicions that nell wasn't cleaning and charging the razors at night, because the one was never done, so when she got a new one, i left the charger up in the box, and low and behold, charger was still in the box the next day, plastic and all.. confirming my suspicions, freggin a! does she do anything on her shift? christa told me she found her sleeping in a residents bed the one time.. its just unreal.. but.. heck karma.. it's a bitch and eventually it will come back to them. just have to wait for the right person to come along with enough pull.. eh anyways.. thats about that... and on a side note, i set my washing machine on fire tonight.

First Cook out on the New Deck!

2009-04-26T01:52:00.003-04:00

Soooo... The Janice plot thickens..

2009-04-23T03:12:00.002-04:00

So, Janice lectured me on random stuff today, which was not such a big deal, i left at like 11:15 because i was running behind, and then realized i had forgotten some things and went back really quick to get them done, so, i get home. Watch some things on Hulu and then Heather calls and says that janice just stopped in asking questions about me and her. She asked what time i left, asked what i was doing when she got there? were all the meds signed for? did i take the food out for tomorrow? did i witness the money being counted? was the laundry started? and then checked to see that heather was ironing the shirts, she checked to see if heather charged the phones, cleaned and charged the razors, folded the laundry, checked the food she made against the menu, and checked to see if the inservices were done, all at 2 AM!!! is it just me or does anyone else smell a rat? so.. i can tell you what i am gonna do, start looking for a new damn job, where my boss doesn't hate white people.

Uncle Ace..

2009-04-22T11:57:00.002-04:00

Asa M. Very
Asa M. Very, 97, of Montrose, died Monday at home. He is survived by his wife of 70 years, Anna Overfield Very.

Born in Bridgewater Twp., son of the late Walter and Nettie B. Hendershot Very, he was a member of the Montrose United Methodist Church and the IBM Quarter Century Club. He was a volunteer for many organizations, including the Red Cross and American Cancer Society.

He was an avid hunter and fisherman. He died surrounded by his family.

Also surviving are two daughters and sons-in-law, Joyce and Jerry Lathrop, Elizabethtown; and Lois and Jay Gardner, Mountaintop; three grandchildren and their spouses, Brian and Sue Lathrop, Marc and Cortney Gardner, and Jamie and Jeff Wadowsky; five great-grandchildren, Colin and Shea Gardner, Kaitlyn, Mackenzie and Ryan Wadowsky; and many nieces, nephews and cousins.

He was also preceded in death by four brothers, Donald, Dallas, Clyde and Jay Very.

A funeral service will be Saturday at 11 a.m. in Montrose United Methodist Church, with the Rev. Deborah R. Rose officiat- ing. Interment, Fairdale Cemetery. Visitation will be Friday, 7 to 9 p.m., at the Daniel K. Regan Funeral Home, Montrose.

Donations in his memory may be made to the Heartland Hospice, Hospice Memorial Fund, 328 N. Main St., Pittston PA 18640; Montrose United Methodist Church, 90 Church St., Montrose PA 18801; or the Susquehanna County Library Association, 2 Monument Square, Montrose PA 18801.

Chillin on the Porch

2009-04-19T14:24:00.002-04:00

Heather and eric.. and eric looks really happy for somone who just had a car stolen off his lot..

The deck....

2009-04-19T12:47:00.010-04:00

We finished the deck and kind of finished the like chairs...

The Whole finished deck from affar..

Inside the deck..

Close up of Sun Chair, before it was done, and the ashtray...

Far view of the sun chair...

The finished sun chair...

The moon chair..

Jackarooo's chair..

The Pollock chair.. :) :) :)

Heather's Chair..

For Norbert..

The breakfast i had with Jackarooo yesterday..

The place we ate..

Janice is OFFICIALLY insane!!

2009-04-14T10:40:00.003-04:00

Ok so i wake up today to heather being wonderful again and throwing me a warning that i am going to get yelled at when i get to work. its nice to know, and know why, so you can gear up a defense before you arrive, and you can prepare for the verbal lashing that is about to ensue. So today's big Janice issue is that CHRISTA spilt meds on one of the med baskets. I want to be sure that you all read that, CHRISTA. Is that my name? No i didn't think so. Her signature is on the M.A.R. NOT mine.. so here's how this conversation went. Heather sends me, "just so you know Janice said she's gonna "let you have it" when you come in." so i said, "why? what freggin now?!?" she responds with, "because J's meds were spilled all over the label and his basket and his other pills. she said she knows its Christa but she still said she would let you have it." ok.. people... is anyone sitting there going WTF? bc i was kind of stunned, not too much though.. i mean it IS Janice after all.. her perception of the world and how it works is that of a giraffe on crack. why a giraffe you ask... bc a giraffe looks down on everything. So this woman somehow believes that by yelling at me, for something Christa did, because we work the same shift, it will be like she is yelling at her vicariously through me. which by the way is the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard!!! her perception of everything is so tragically skewed. yeah.. so.. even before i get there i know how my day is going to go. oh and the best part, because of all this i am probably going to be late for transport, because she will be taking time to yell at me for something i didn't do. unreal.

Zombie Jesus Day..

2009-04-12T14:21:00.003-04:00

I am sooo sick of people posting their christian propaganda, if i see one more quote from the bible, i swear.. i am going to delete all the friends that write this stuff.. you know its really great that you believe in something, that you follow like a blind sheep never questioning, that you are happy with your ignorance. quite frankly i find it utterly offensive that you all take it upon yourself that as soon as its a holiday you JUMP at the opportunity to push your believes like a bunch of drug dealers on the streets, trying to see how many people you can get hooked on your Jesus Heroin. there was a point in my life that i was as bad as you thinking in needed to "save" everyone, but i grew up and realized this is just as real as santa and the easter bunny. I learned to question the things i was taught, i don't have any misconceptions, and am no longer brainwashed by the societal norm. really though.. i just feel bad for you people that are so enamored with your beliefs that you feel the need to make others sick. believe me, god, jesus, the holy spirt, or any-other Judao-Christian deity, are not as you believe the only ones out there. really, do you have any idea how offensive it is to claim so? get off your high horse, i know your god doesn't teach you to be pretentious! and keep your fucking Biblical quotes away from me. and to those of you who quietly go to church, who silently observe your beliefs. good for you. you to me are the true meaning of a christian. others should learn by your example. what people don't realize is the Jesus Heroin pushers are the exact reason people don't want to go to church any more, that instead of "saving souls" they are turning them away in disgust. but i'm not in the least surprised they don't know that, they are blind, their eyes are shut, they are judgmental, and they are egotistical, they are the exact opposite of what they call a "saved" person. Even my mother hollered at me for not going to church, like somehow going through the motions and sitting in a church pew will make me a christian or something, i mean god is that what she believes? that my personal views won't make an ounce of difference so long as i plant my ass on a church pew? WTF? *sigh* when is this day going to be over???

R.I.P. goosey... :(

2009-04-11T11:22:00.002-04:00

So today heather stopped by at 9 am after work, i woke up and had some coffee with her, (she needed help with something work related) and i asked, did you see the goose? she said no, and i didn't think to much of it b/c sometimes she is hanging out in the neighbors yard, as you all well know. well after we talk for a while, and take care of what we need to take care of, i go lets go find the goose, see what she is up to. so we go traipsing through the neighbors yards looking for her. no goose. so i suggested we walk along the road and look in peoples front yards. no goose. then on the return trip i decided to walk on the other side of the road, and heather stops dead, looks away, then looks back and goes, is that the goose? and yeah.. there is my poor goosey, laying in a pool of blood next to the train tracks, :( :( :( upon closer inspection, she is very dead. something got her, something ate her head. i am utterly devastated right now. she was really growing on us, we loved her dearly. I feel so bad. my poor poor baby.

Well then...

2009-04-09T19:45:00.004-04:00

So i am trying to get this party together.. what a goddamn nightmare! its just a stupid cookout.. but good lord its like omg! can you or cant you come? and i had to change the date, and now no one knows flipping annoying!!!!!!!!!!!! and i was supposed to possibly go to this thing with jax and i don't know if thats gonna happen now.. i sware why can't things just be easy?????????? FUCKKKKK, well.. anyways, i spent the day outside with the goose, well the part that i was awake for.. and the cat, and omg they did not get along.. it was sooo amusing.. the cat was terrified with the goose.. and proceeded to stalk it.. and the goose didn't know what to make of my computer.. that was pretty funnny.. she tried to preen it.. like waaaa???

More on the goose..

2009-04-05T12:48:00.002-04:00

So it seems she stays at my place for a while then likes to make rounds around the neighborhood, i woke up this morning and she was in poor George's backyard, pretty much standing at his door, so i ran over and got her, i think we might be giving her too much bread, she hasn't really touched her food yet?? i was warned bread makes her fat, oh well.. but it seems to be the only way to lure her home??? another funny thing is our place of work was talking to mike the other day and asked him if they could write in the CLA news letter about the goose... so apparently either our CLA's have no news, or a goose is news worthy??? odd non the less. Michael's boss Bob wants to bring his grandchildren up to see the goose, i mean geepers, it's just a goose, granted its a super cool goose, but.. i don't get it.. lol.. well .. thats pretty much all.. off to a fun filled day of working alone ick

Norbert has returned home..

2009-04-01T23:50:00.002-04:00

Our friendly neighbor came and knocked on our door this morning, and informed us that our goose was in his yard, and had been there, and apparently laid an egg. so goosey is home safe and sound!! yay!

OMFG!!!!!

2009-03-31T00:29:00.003-04:00

*sob* my goose is gone!! i got home from work today and she wasn't in the yard i hope my goosey is ok.. it hadn't even touched its food... this is so sad.. she wasn't even here for one night... omg.. what do i do???? i looked in the woods, and all over, no goose... pray for my goosy guys.. i hope it comes home

I GOT MY GOOSE!!

2009-03-29T23:12:00.003-04:00

Carroll just dropped of the goose.. hehe... (this picture was from when we met it at Carroll's) so now the cat wont come home, and the goose is hanging out at my front door hehe, its silly as all hell!!

Just when you think you've had enough

2009-03-28T12:46:00.002-04:00

So, Crista is putting in her two weeks on tuesday, so I am loosing her, then to make matters worse, they are trying to get rid of heather, which leaves me working with only Janice and her daughter, when i get my 6 months, i am soooooooooo putting in for a transfer its not even funny! so tonight i decided to have Crista and heather over for a cook out, Carrone is coming too (George's daughter) because Mike and her are cleaning out his apt today. so its just going to be one of those days at least its going to end with a cook out.. ok.. i have to go clean like a crazy person, so far today jax and i have, cleaned the dog poop from the yard (thanks John), taken down the old broken canopy and fixed the chairs that didn't fare well over the winter, cleaned the outdoor furniture, picked up all the trash in the yard (thank you wild animals) set up the grill and put out the dog house, picked up the sticks and leaves, cleaned the gutters, brought out the chaise lounge, swept up.. did the dishes i mean my god.. and thats just outside, there is laundry waiting inside, dog puke on the floor (thanks mocha, from this morning btw) still have to run to the store to get meat and rolls, have to go get a kiddy pool for the goose, and fencing.. omg.. kill me.. some day off this is!!!!

Apple Computer how do i love thee...

2009-03-25T12:54:00.000-04:00

So this stupid computer kept shutting off on me for no apparent reason. over, and over and over, so i sent it in on monday.. its wed and i got it back today, like wow! holy quick turn around!! its says they replaced "main logic board" like i guess i fried my mother board??? oops... "heatpipe" whatever that is.. "top case" is was sooo cracked "fan" yeah.. probably needed.. so.. like... yeah... and it was all covered.. and its like basically i got a new computer lol. sooo the old white macbook will live on.. *happy sigh* oh and Jax sent me this.. thought it would be interesting to share, i bet ya'll will have a bit to say.

"I bought a bird feeder. I hung
it on my back porch and filled
it with seed. What a beauty of
a bird feeder it was, as I filled it
lovingly with seed. Within a
week we had hundreds of birds
taking advantage of the
continuous flow of free and
easily accessible food.

But then the birds started
building nests in the boards
of the patio, above the table,
and next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was
everywhere: on the patio tile,
the chairs, the table ..
everywhere!

Then some of the birds
turned mean. They would
dive bomb me and try to
peck me even though I had
fed them out of my own
pocket.

And others birds were
boisterous and loud. They
sat on the feeder and
squawked and screamed at
all hours of the day and night
and demanded that I fill it
when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even
sit on my own back porch
anymore. So I took down the
bird feeder and in three days
the birds were gone. I cleaned
up their mess and took down
the many nests they had built
all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like
it used to be .... quiet, serene....
and no one demanding their
rights to a free meal.

Now let's see.
Our government gives out
free food, subsidized housing,
free medical care and free
education, and allows anyone
born here to be an automatic
citizen.

Then the illegals came by the
tens of thousands. Suddenly
our taxes went up to pay for
free ser vices; small apartments
are housing 5 families; you
have to wait 6 hours to be seen
by an emergency room doctor;
your child's second grade class is
behind other schools because
over half the class doesn't speak
English.

Corn Flakes now come in a
bilingual box; I have to
'press one ' to hear my bank
talk to me in English, and
people waving flags other
than 'Old Glory' are
squawking and screaming
in the streets, demanding
more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe
it's time for the government
to take down the bird feeder. "

George Edward Barr

2009-03-25T11:59:00.002-04:00

George E. Barr, 80, of Scranton, died Monday in Mercy Hospital. His wife, the former Gladys K. Smith, died in 1995.

Born in Newark, N.J., son of the late Raymond E. and Rose Lemin Barr, he served in the Merchant Marine and was the proprietor of the former Italian Hot Dog Restaurant in West Scranton and Star Lunch in South Scranton.

Surviving are five daughters, Carron Davis, Scranton; Bonnie Vandervort and Cheryl Barr, both of Nevada; and Meschelle Casatelli and Heather Barr, both of Arizona; a son, William Barr, Nevada; two stepchildren, Elizabeth Olive, Scranton; and Michael Kline, Moscow; eight grandchildren; 10 great-grandchildren; and five great-great-grandchildren.

There will be no funeral service. Friends may call Thursday, 4 to 7 p.m., at the Davies and Jones Funeral Chapel Inc., 135 S. Main Ave., Scranton.

**Michael and i had the distinct pleasure of working for George for many many years. He was always an utter gentlemen. He wanted few things in life, but mostly a friend, he found that in michael. they grew to be very close, and we had george up to the house many a time, he loved getting away from the city, and was quite fond of my secret hamburger recipe. when we went down to his house, he would always play cards with michael, rummy i believe, and smoke his cigarettes, lol.. did that man love his cigarettes. every time he would try to give us money for helping him out we would hold onto it for when he didn't have any left, and buy him a few packs of smokes with it. we would sit around his little kitchen table there in hilltop and listen to his stories, and boy did he have them! some funny.. some sad.. some touching.. but he always had something. he loved when we brought timmy up with us, he always had fun with him, and was devastated when we told him he was returning back to his fathers house. he always poked fun at the people that stayed in my home.. waring us that they were no good. though he was always very kind to them when i brought them down. you could tell george anything you wanted to, no one could ever call him judgmental. he loved and protected Michael to the utmost, even back when mike was back with jen.. george told me he wasn't there lol.. because mike didn't want to talk to me. He was one of the sweetest people i have encountered, he will be missed, i am sure i could go on for hours talking about how much fun george was.. but non of it would ever paint the true picture, if you knew him you were of the lucky few.

It just never ends...

2009-03-12T19:31:00.002-04:00

and today.. from Timmy's former foster mother,

So you say Timmy was your life, where is his diamond (BTW a tiny fake diamond he found on the street.. reasonably, does anyone think i have a clue where this is??) and bee bee gun (we don't have his bb gun, not to mention, i don't see him going after Harold for his other two bb guns) and all the other things you didn't give back (what things???) ? When you love someone you give them there stuff back. He is extremely hurt by this. (no, actually, if she knew him, he is playing the same game he played with Karen and Harold, not that i am surprised) You have no right to keep what was his.(i literally have NOTHING in my home of his) I would like to know where all his things are. (so would i I GAVE THEM BACK!!!!) When he left our house we sent him with everything. We love him very much and we know that his things are very important to him.

Thanks,

Trisha

and my response,

I am contacting a lawyer. This is harassment. I have had quite enough. how DARE you question my devotion to the child I offered to take in? You don't even know the half of what I went through for him. My decision to take him in cost me my job, and money I didn't have to spend on him. You think you know everything sitting on your high horse. NO ONE in his family offered to take him in for even a second. They all turned the other way. I did not EVER expect to take him in, I had no desire to be a foster parent, not until he needed me. I suppose thats all easy to forget. not to mention the countless hours I spent helping him with his homework, watching him when things were rough at home, even before he moved into my home. I even stuck with him when Michael left me for a while, because I wasn't willing to let him go to a house he didn't know and believe me i struggled. You don't know a thing so don't assume! Everything we had in our home we gave back. If he isn't even living with you any more I suggest you find someone else to harass and don't think for one second I don't know what you put him up to. I am not a moron. And reading through my myspace as you were, is despicable. Your games are tired. leave me and my family alone. He hasn't lived with me for at least 8 months now!! This needs to end. Contact me again and I will report you.

THIS SHIT NEEDS TO STOP! NEEDS TO STOP RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!

Oh What a Night... (no, i'm in no mood to break out into THAT song :P)

2009-03-08T00:29:00.003-05:00

so, i get to work and i hear k screaming at the top of her lungs like there was an axe murderer at her door (there wasn't in fact, there was noting.) that was fun, she didn't calm down either, not until i let her go to bed (which was at 4pm) then after i did pm care T decided to freak out. which is very unlike him, but i think he was mad bc his pj pants kept falling down, he ended up throwing his toy across the kitchen floor rather violently, the pieces of it spraying everywhere, thank-god none of the other residents were anywhere near. so i helped him into some new pj pants, and got him a drink, which is thickened juice. i'm not sure if any of you have had the pleasant experience of cleaning jello off of surfaces, but its not fun and thats basically what thickened liquid becomes. well.. he took one sip and threw the cup, the full cup. then it hit the light above the kitchen table, down comes a spray of glass, then it hits the wall by the window, it gets in the screen, it gets on the wall, on the floor, on the table, on the chairs, just everywhere. lovely. so i decided i should just try to get him to bed. yeah, uhhh no? he throws his pillow off the bed, his blankets, and all his toys out of the toy-box. more mess, so i make every attempt to get him in bed, to no avail. so i start picking up his room, and then remember the drink, yay.. now its like dried yellow on everything. *sigh* pretty much the whole night went on like this, and then j got upset and started acting out bc of t... i was going to commit homicide. (not really but i was freaking out) and i am sure i'll go back and janice will have something to complain about. oh and i finally think to tell her a funny story from when i got my nails done.. i had taken j there the night before, and so the lady goes wheres your boyfriend lol.. bc j kept holding my hand and saying "she mine" meaning me it was cute.. well Janice's reaction "i hope she was being sarcastic" now wtf is that? fucking duh it was sarcasm... ummm ew? and lord is that offensive!

Reconnect and Disconnect...

2009-03-03T00:09:00.003-05:00

Thats been the theme of my day today. Darren and i finally started talking again, which is really nice, i mean we were the closest of friends way back. We even had a pact that if we weren't married by 30, we would get married. Thats a pretty close friend if you ask me. so that was the reconnect.. as far as the disconnect.. janice had officially made me want to quit my job.. she was mad at me for not eating with T and decided to yell at me for 30 mins about it.. lucky me... oy..

It's been a while..

2009-02-28T21:56:00.003-05:00

So in my absence of writing.. quite a bit has happened.. i had an interesting trip out to dan's house, the being there part was great.. the getting too and from not so much, the GPS went all nuts on me again, on the way down it got me lost in Harrisburg, which apparently i shouldn't have been in at all, with a crack dealer heading towards my car at 3 am in some alley way.. yeah that was fun, then on the way home it got me lost in avoca on some dirt road that was not good for my car then told me to go 7 miles straight which in about two brought me to a cliff.. so.. yeah.. needless to say.. i didn't continue on. so in the midst of all this, the first night i had left at 11:30 pm after saying good bye to the pup and i was TIRED already, and starting to come down with a nice round of being sick but i went anyways cause i'm crazy like that. and i am happy i did. and next time i am going to mess with dan's books something awful. :p and maybe be well enough to eat the food he cooks.. lord i suck. and on the way back i was even sicker (thats really a word?) so yeah anyways.. it was eventful.. i feel god awful today, and i am back not a day and find out that john is leaving, which is like the worlds biggest fuck you. after spending every day off i had carting him and that stupid sara chick around, i guess he doesn't quite grasp what i did for him. i took in someone i hadn't really talked to in years, trusted him, (after he dumped me on valentines day years and years ago btw) and i took in the girl he was with who i had never met. not knowing what to expect. and as you all know she turned out to be the worst. i had high hopes for john, i really and truly thought he was going to be the one person who didn't dog me out in the end. i was wrong. it seems everyone i try to help out fucks me over in some way. you put yourself out there, and people have a way of throwing your good nature back in your face. of all the things he lied to me and said he wasn't given a choice and had to go home. when i talked to his parents i was told that he called them and basically begged to go home. apparently he has a problem telling people the truth and owing up to his choices in life. not that i am the least bit surprised, he reminds me of my brother. i wouldn't care if i hadn't given up so much of my free time to filling out paper work and all that what not. all he had to do from that point on was got to scranton counseling and wait. all the hard stuff was done. but whatever.. what's done is done, close the book, turn the page and good riddance!

LMFAO!!!!!! John has me blocked on AIM now how do you like that shit? how's that for a big fuck you? hahahahahahahaha

Monotony

2009-02-21T23:34:00.002-05:00

So i expected janice to be on her usual bitch kick, she wasn't so bad. she showed up about 30 mins into my shift, and really didn't give me the hell i was waiting for about taking her on the outing. and i was thankful for that. not sure if it had to do with the employee satisfaction surveys or not. :P but while she was there she complained to me alot about crystal. we both looked in the closets and saw mayhem, how is it that one is so inept that they cannot fold sheets? it literally looked like they had been thrown in the closets. usually i would just fix them but she told me to leave them and talk to crystal tomorrow. then i find that crystal who should damn well know better forgot to record I & O for the one guy. so i left her a note. and found that she pulled the peg tube of a patient halfway out. its just been one of those nights. i also made plans to head to Dan's on thursday, i only hope that can happen.. but lord with the snow we have anymore out here.. god only knows. but thats the least of my worries. i defiantly could use some time out of Pa though. my mother planned a trip to North or was it South Carolina? i can't remember which.. but one of the two.. i can't wait for that though i doubt i will get the PTO for it. i would love to go on that too, just me her aunt nancy uncle bill and daddy. that would be really nice. well.. i dunno.. i'm just exhausted... and numb.. and just whatever.. so i'm going to bed.. *sigh* another night going into another day..

2 am scranton trip...

2009-02-21T03:35:00.004-05:00

So after sleeping the day away because i felt like crapola.. i decided i wanted to run to scranton to get milk ours was not very umm... good? lol what was i thinking? so we set off (john and i) and went on our merry way, i had dan on the phone so lucky him he got to hear all our stories of brushes with the law from back in our drug days. poor thing lord only knows what he was thinking. we sounded like a bunch of washed up hippies, reminiscing about days gone by. we had the pup with us so we decided to go to mc donalds and get her two double cheese burgers. she was being such a good poopers. so while we were there i got a dose of "now i know why i don't live in scranton any more" it's these little reminders that make me soooooo happy to live out in Moscow, and that thing with Nick doesn't seem so bad, seeing as how that is what forced me out of scranton to begin with. we were waiting online at the drive through and everyone was of color, we were the minority, not that that was the problem, but this couple came out and were fighting the guy hit the girl and they were screaming i said wow.. so the cops will be here soon, and within like a min all you hear are sirens and three cop cars pull up. well i was parked in the drive through line and the car with the fighting couple was in the space adjacent to me.. i was rather concerned they would try to leave fast and hit my car. but thankfully that was not the case. and the poor puppy was going crazy she 1. hates fighting.. and 2. hates cops. i decided to hang the phone up incase they wanted a statement.. which they didn't thankfully, though i did know the plate number. they never caught the people. seems mc donalds is a hot spot at 2:45 am for the drunks to convene. we didn't get out of there until like 3:22 and then went to big tits for some doughnuts and then turkey hill for the milk then home. all the while listening to Mazzy Star.. god i loveeee Mazzy! lol.. now i'm home and its 4:02 am.. whoopee.. time for bed! lol

In a Nutshell.. or am i the nut?

2009-02-20T18:31:00.003-05:00

So.. this has quite possibly been the most hellish week ever.. or have i said that already? If it weren't for my love of Mazzy i probably wouldn't have slept at all at night.. *sigh* janice has been cracking the whip as any good slave driver would. i wonder if this is her form of getting her reparations? taking it out on white people. i am most certain at this point its white people she doesn't like. she treated all the people who work there of color much better than she does us. but thats neither here nor there.. the bitch is nuts! and thats that. I get her that stupid receipt and i think things will be alright.. one would think at this point i would have realized that she will NEVER be happy and i really should just stop trying. but i am a hopeless dreamer i suppose. i never let reality quite get a hold on me, thus creating my own reality, one more suited for my way of life i suppose. my personal delusions help keep me sane in a way. if i were to obsess over all this nonsense.. i would loose it.. if i haven't already. ha! every day its the same old thing, i wake up go through my morning routine, call and talk to dan or eric for a while, and make the mad dash to get to work.. i trudge in forlorn waiting for the explosion of insanity flowing from Janice's mouth, i wait to see what she will find wrong and believe you me, she looks. anyways i digress.. with the receipt thing it was finally a non issue after two days of worry and a bunch of rigamarole. i was finally at peace with it. now she is calling twice during the 3-11 shift to make sure we don't have any questions, my fault for not calling her about the receipt, which she would have screamed at me for anyways. i can not even begin to explain how awful it is to wake up each day and know that it's probably going to be worse than the one before it. well we got a bit of snow.. what else is new? Crista did transport. She told me there were three accidents on 307 (or if you are janice its "the 307" god does that piss me off) so i called janice, her thing is "this van can not leave this house if dunmore or north pocono schools are closed" which i checked they weren't. so i called her to be sure she wanted me to do the community life activity that day. which is what she wanted me to do, because she "doesn't trust my decision making skills" thanks oh so much. she doesn't answer the phone, at this point it had temporarily stopped snowing, and the roads were clear, i waited for 45 mins for her to call back. she didn't so i left. i went to the hair dressers with the woman i was supposed to take. thinking janice will be quite cross if i didn't do the outing. yeah i was wrong, she was mad that i did. or whatever she was. so now i have this looming over me, yeah for tomorrow. so if you all are wondering where I've been.. i've been trying to just find some amount of peace. which seems impossible. i love my job, i love the people i take care of, i hate that i cant just enjoy it. i can't just do right by them. she has ruined much of my faith in humanity. but yeah.. that's in a nutshell how things have been going.

"Fields of Gold" Sting

2009-02-20T02:28:00.001-05:00

Seemed fitting..

Youll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
Youll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in the fields of gold

So she took her love
For to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
Well forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in the fields of gold

See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold
I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that Ive broken
But I swear in the days still left
Well walk in the fields of gold
Well walk in the fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold
Youll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold

Janice is a big fat bitch!

2009-02-18T00:03:00.003-05:00

Janice is a bitch,
she's a big fat bitch,
she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world,
she's a stupid bitch,
if there ever was a bitch,
she's a bitch to all the boys and girls.

Monday she's a bitch,
on Tuesday she's a bitch,
on Wednesday to Saturday, she's a bitch,
then on Sunday, just to be different,
she's a super, king, kameha-meha biatch!

Have you ever met Janice,
she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world,
she's a mean old bitch,
and she has stupid hair, she's a bitch,
bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch

Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,
bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,
she's a stupid bitch,
Janice is a bitch and she's
such a dirty bitch!

Janice, is a bitch-cha!

yeah so that's on the humor side of things.. but really what a bitch, i had to do transport today, and as i told you all already, i am incapable of doing a damn thing right in her eyes. i even showed up early to make her happy, and i went to fill the van on the way home, well i do this and of course it doesn't print a receipt. you know what? fuck this after the conversation i just had with dan.. and the day i had i am not even in the mood to finish this shit. i'm gonna go cry myself to sleep and finish this tomorrow. every fucking person in my life feels the fucking need to lecture me because every fucking person knows better. fuck everyone. i can make my own opinions and i am goddamn entitled to them!

yeah so i was like utterly out of my head.. and dan totally made up for that a thousand times over, even though he didn't need to, not in the least, i was being a royal bitch.. but the rest of the story is that i have to get this receipt, which i wasn't able to do for two days or i would have to talk to the CEO of the company and explain why there is an unaccounted for charge on her credit card. gurrr.. but i got it off the register tape, and janice was happy. but not before going through a whole rigamarole to get it first.

For Jackie Again..

2009-02-15T23:31:00.001-05:00

Click to make the image bigger.. you'll understand then...

For Jax With Much Love LMAO!

2009-02-12T23:13:00.000-05:00

Jax and Easton Say What Now?????

2009-02-12T16:24:00.004-05:00

So i set out to meet up with Jackie... to prove her bitch ass mother wrong.. and wrong she was! although, the starting out part didn't work out so well.. i got a ways before realizing that the whole point which was to bring her her jacket was not in my car and had to run home to get it... *sigh* im a dip! i met her half way, in Easton of all places! a place michael described as the BPT of PA haha oops. She picked it. Well we start off.. and i swear the GPS was smoking something, i kept going where in the fuck is 380?!?!? it was like IMPOSSIBLE to find lol.. it took us in the most assed out retarded way possible, but we found it after passing through some back-woods-country-watch-your-corn-hole kind of town. talk about scary! there were like real life out houses, must be were cousin eddie resides. "lets go find yer sister!" i'm pretty sure i uttered the words "oh fuck i hope the car doesn't die, were gonna get raped." i mean it was trailer park heaven, there were hubcaps on the lawns, broken cars, decrepit gas stations, would make for some good black and white pictures. there was even a helicopter with like a wooden inside.. that was special! About when we passed the tumbleweed (yes a real one) on 248 and i was wondering if jax was trying to get us killed, i get a txt from her.. "i am 90% sure there are no bathrooms here, and that is frightening" we had a good laugh at that b.c we had worse problems haha.. so then john was on the phone with walter and not watching the GPS and i wasn't cause i was driving and all so i missed a turn, it took us 10 miles out of our way on 611, he then explained to me all i had to do was follow the blue line. and we all know the blue line will take you off cliffs and into lakes! so we ended up in the town of Wind Gap.. which btw.. was omg windy.. so it lived up to its name! which doesn't surprise me, the only problem was my little two ounce honda civic hybrid was about to flip over making travel above 75 mph impossible.. and you all know how i feel about that hehe. we talked to jax on the phone while we were getting attacked my a subaru and horrific flying leaves, it was like it was autumn all over again.. they were all over.. i even smelt autumn in the air.. it was.. interesting to say the least. i kept txting her and dan while driving too.. almost ran a red light, its almost like a sport, txting and driving.. you have to make a genuine effort to stay on the road, and not to get pulled over by the cops for dwi! hehe. so we get near the destination, and the GPS ends up dropping us at a police station and john starts bugging out.. he really doesn't like pigs.. not sure what's wrong with the gps.. but where is this mall? finally it resets and we find the mall thank god! to which the response was "AHHHHH! OHHHH! AHHHH!" i then did the asshole two spot park.. i mean hell i got my car back two days ago.. john found it amusing that my 2 oz car took up two spots. (it seemed note worthy then) we then ate at this diner johns food looked like poop. it was umm.. fun.. then off to scranton.. on the way we got attacked by a twig of death falling from the evil sky.. almost giving me a heart-attack. and uh.. wind gap was still windy, go figure, there was an asshole driving slow in the fast lane it made me a bit irate.. but i kept a level of calm.. couldn't wait to just get back! not having my phone and getting stuck with the one i have which is a zombie phone that has an added eardrum murder feature.. on both ends.. is just annoying.. thankfully ill have a new one within two days. and can someone tell me when gas went back to 1.97? did i miss that? oh and get this.. its was snowing in Moscow when i got back.. wow.. go figure.. haha.. thats all for now..

AWWWWWWWWWWW

2009-02-10T02:54:00.002-05:00

So we have still been on that stupid page on the political site.. and the guys stuck up for me john as my ex dan as my current *giggle* talk about sweeeett!!!

Dan: "First not, I'm not this anonymous poster here, I'm not a member of this site, but I wanted to say something. Karin is my girlfriend (and i am a straight male) and she is one of the kindest, sweetest, most creative, most intelligent people I have ever know. The way you are demeaning her, for no other reason I can tell that she decided to stick up for her friend, is utterly repugnant. You yell at someone to come back when they can spell better, why don't you come back when you're comfortable being a decent human being and let these people get on with their lives. Granted, doing the right thing is obviously a novel concept for a person as small as you, but self-improvement starts from a first step. Why don't you take it?
POSTED BY ANONYMOUS ON 02/10/2009 @ 2:10 AM"

and

"I hadn't intended to post again, but I feel compelled. Zero and I are not the same person, we've never even met. I know you're small mind no doubt lives in a world where people act like that, since you clearly do, but most people don't. And quite honestly, I only posted here because I felt the need stand up for the most wonderful person I've ever met from one of the most cowardly I've ever witnessed, and I say that as someone who has nearly completed a PhD in history, so I've seen alot of cowardace in those studies. Of course, you'll no doubt assume all this is made up too. You know, they can do wonder for paranoid delusions these days, you might want to look into that and leave these people alone.
POSTED BY ANONYMOUS ON 02/10/2009 @ 2:45 AM"

John: "Ok Mr. Anon I read as much of this trivial B.S you spew as I could handle before the steam started coming out. As a friend of Jackie's and Karen's EX (Yes I am a straight Male) I see all this slanderous talk about lesbians, bisexuals being gay, ass rape, bashing people for having a REAL life (that would be the one that is outside of the scary front door or your what I assume to be a dilapidated studio apartment where you must fight the rats for diner every night. Or your mothers basement whatever.) The point is Your being outrageously offensive to the ones I love and can't even do it without the cloak of anonymity. That offends me and those who know me huh I'll just leave you to ponder what you've gotten yourself into. Come out YOUR closet buddy show YOUR TRUE COLORS.
POSTED BY ZERO753 ON 02/10/2009 @ 1:58 AM" (apparently my ex can't spell my name thats a bit scary)

"wow she works more then you would ever know, you are a mere punching bag for her winding down after work or at least you have made it that way..and commenting on her looks .... you must have bad eyesight buddy. Zero is the perfect name Zero Tolerance for scum like you.
POSTED BY ZERO753 ON 02/10/2009 @ 2:09 AM"
(this had me in stitches)

and then Dan wrote this for John cause it was just getting ugly..

"You may not like this, and you're never going to admit you're wrong anyway, but the facts stand and, as John Adams said, facts are stubborn things. You demanded proof of when you slandered a lesbian, Jackie's a lesbian, so you did. You know, if you're going to get into an argument like this, you might want to remember how it started, which was Karin defending her lesbian friend Jackie from a vicious personal attack that, if you didn't perpetrate you're certainly in sympathy with. Oh, and by the way, if you're going to insult others for being inarticulate you might want to not use profanity ever other word. That is about as low as you can get. Granted, I know that's where you're used to being, but change can be beneficial, certainly for you.
POSTED BY ZERO753 ON 02/10/2009 @ 2:51 AM"

so yeah.. it was rather amusing, not that it had any effect on the bottom feeder but at lest this time i had some back up! and wonderful back up lol

The Shit Has Hit The Fan!!!

2009-02-09T16:33:00.001-05:00

So, I go back to work, having only had 4 hours of sleep.. I am thinking well I went a bit above and beyond for janice, maybe she will be nice.. WRONG! again!! so apparently yelling at me in the AM wasn't good enough, she had to carry it over into the afternoon too. well.. I lost it.. I started bawling my eyes out like a little bitch, go me.. damnit, then she didn't let up, didn't show any type of remorse, which doesn't surprise me, I am pretty sure she has no heart. Here I am running on empty, begging god for death so I can get some damn sleep, and she is ripping into me. All because I suggested if she is going to put exotic things on the menu could she please leave directions on how she is expecting it to be prepared. she considered that to be condescending so i guess that wasn't right to say. So this went into a 20 min lecture, about how apparently I need to be more organized, like fuck dude.. right now? you need to do this now?!?! yeah apparently so. I don't need to be more organized I just need to give a shit, which I don't thanks to her. honestly, I don't care about this job any more, there is no pleasing her no matter what I do. so why bother? the motivation to not get yelled at only takes a person so far. I love the people I take care of, I love the aspect of taking care of them, but she has created such a hostile work environment I don't ever want to come here any more. I dread seeing her truck in the driveway because I dread the words that are going to flow from her mouth when I arrive. I dread the condescending notes she leaves in the shift exchange. I dread even having to look at her face, even if she is in a good mood that day, I know she will make some demeaning comment. And apparently I am supposed to be a mind reader. I think that she likes to holler at people because it makes her feel powerful, some people get a small taste of power and just run with it. Well I told her all this today, in not as calm and not as tactful of a way. I just really don't care, not one bit! Fire me, let me go, do what you have to I don't want to be here in an environment that is detrimental to my health and well-being. fuck this. To make matters worse after all this crap, I had to deal with food bowls being thrown, stripping, screaming, hitting, vomiting, and biting.. this has just all been too much.. and I seriously just can't wait to go home.. I am going to snap..

Overnight..

2009-02-09T09:25:00.002-05:00

So it appears I am stuck here.. working another double shift.. yeah 18 hours straight... god this sucks soooo bad.. like omg. I have everyone in bed and John, Michael and Mocha came to drop some stuff off.. I made the lunches.. not sure what to do with myself now.. hummm... gotta clean the place yet.. that's what the overnight shift gets to do, sweep and mop the floors, clean the bathrooms, fold and put away the laundry, at least I can catch up on some paperworkish stuff.. *sigh* i'm already bored and my normal shift only just ended.. its like 11:03 pm.. aarrgghh.. oh well.. gotta do what ya gotta do.. right?

So you would think that having put myself out there that Janice would be kind to me about the whole eggplant thing, nope.. not a change.. its like i dunno.. 9:25 am and i am just getting home.. how much does that suck? i was nothing but nice to her only to have her freak on me anyways, i hadn't realized she changed the I&O sheets either, apparently she told crystal to tell me.. well she didn't so.. yeah.. thats.. that... *sigh* i give up.. there is no pleasing that woman no matter how hard you try. non at all what soever.. your best is never enough.. what a great end to a 20.30 hour shift.. FUCKKKKKKK

I'm gonna attempt to go to bed now..

What's REally Important?

2009-02-08T19:03:00.000-05:00

It's funny, Khai said to me today something to the effect of he doesn't know a thing about politics because it's just not important to him. I only wish I could think like that sometimes. In his position especially, I would imagine it would be a major issue. As you can all tell from my last entry, we are having it out with some internet gremlin on Gay rights, or at least that's what the argument has since ballooned into and tempers are flaring. I have chosen to opt out of most of it just commenting where its intellectually sound to do so. It occurred to me that I have gotten so pathetic and feel so strongly on the issue that here I am at work checking on the debate from my cell phone, which to me means I am entirely way too involved. It just was something I felt really strongly about, when someone attacks a friend of mine I automatically go up in arms. It just really all stems back to what I always say about how as a society we have become so closed-minded outright refusing to think that another persons ideals, religion, sense, what have you, could possibly be right. We follow blindly like the little American sheep that we are listening to the news casts believing everything we hear, letting societal norms dictate to us what is right and wrong, versus what we think and feel. Ever being forced to fit into a category or mold of a person we somewhat represent. We let Colleges and Universities fill our head with their way of thinking, that only someone who went to College could think. We as a nation have be so striped of our individuality it makes me sick. Good healthy debate has been turned into people spitting back an overflowing fountain of tripe they have heard from the media and books, (i don't mean respectable books or respectable news sources, CNN and CSPAN sit at the right hand of the devil) they no longer take the time to question what they, as a person, really think, they don't consider if any of what is being said really makes sense. They deliver sob story after sob story, and yet do nothing. They think they have all the answers, and no one else is right, even if someone is telling them something based on personal experience, vs what they have read somewhere. Since when did personal experience have no bearing? This country is headed for destruction, and the mass population is to blind to see it. It's just so sad. We have become so consumed by image, so consumed by greed, by money, by material objects.. I mean really we can't be heading anywhere good. But fuck what do I know? I have to be the most inarticulate blathering moron this side of the coast, prattling away with my personal view which I know no one shares with me, and I know I sound like some aged hippy retard. but you know what, of all the people, of all the ideas, the beat generation and the hippys had it right. Question everything, follow nothing. The number one issue on peoples minds should be what makes them happy, what gives them life, find that one thing and focus on that... this life comes but once.. really consider.. what's REALLY important?

U4Prez

2009-02-08T03:32:00.002-05:00

Wanted to share with you guys the B.S. of my night... Gay Conservatives Need Not Apply... this is really some bulllllll shhheeeeeiiiittttt!!!!! read through the comments to understand why i said what i said... disgusting is the best word for it..

Jackie's Mother... among other things...

2009-02-08T00:26:00.002-05:00

Jackie's mother is smoking something, and it's nothing pleasant like a little pot, she is smoking some hardcore disgusting thing like crack, or PCP, that bitch is whacked out of her mind. she told jackie that I don't do anything for her. Okay, maybe I don't go out to her house, but who in there right mind would want to? I have no desire to spend anytime with a self-righous, egotistical, maniacal, arrogant, self-centerd, cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Holy shit...where's the Tylenol? *giggle* (sorry so had to it was heading in that direction...) she has taken it upon her self to say that I won't bring Jackie's jacket to her, or even meet her half way, in Dan's words, “she is completely divorced from reality” which I rather like, it describes her to a T! Well Mrs. Know it all control freak bitch, I am going to meet her halfway so stick that in your pipe and smoke it! FUCKKKKK! I so cannot wait to hear what she says when Jackie magically pulls her coat out of her ass. In fact I recommended to her that she tell her mother that she is magical and that she did just that. she has a burlington coat factory hidden in her ass crack. It makes more sense than anything her mother can muster up so maybe the moron will believe it.

So tonight i dealt with vomit again... only it was vomit in more places that i could count.. and vomit with stripping.. it was incredibly frustrating.. and janice had fried eggplant on the menu for dinner.. but there was no oil or butter in the house.. i mean how the hell was i supposed to make that? save the fact that the eggplant was sooo over ripe it was nasty. so i reheated the pizza.. taking bets on her being mad about that.. i am throwing in 20$ that she will be livid.. *sigh* so not wanting to go back tomorrow..

My best friend..

2009-02-05T02:03:00.002-05:00

My best friend is the most reliable person ever. She never leaves me to suffer alone, she is always there for me, wither it be a hand to hold, a hug i so desperately need, words that console me, or a joke to brighten my horrible day, my best friend is the most important person in my life. She always knows just what to say, she has never let me down though i know i have in the past, and probably present, let her down many a time. I would do anything i could for her, i value our friendship like no other, i have never know any other person to have such an impact on my life. She is compassionate, she is funny, she is kind.. like no one i have ever met! she has the patience of a saint.. way beyond my own realm of patience. She is smarter than anyone i have ever met, she doesn't waste her time on silly sites like neopets :p she spends her time with intellectual entertainment. She cares more for others than she does her own self. She would drop whatever she was doing no questions asked to try to help a friend, no matter how much that friend was getting on her nerves, believe me, i've see it.. (ie. Danny) she is hilarious, she never stops making me smile.. no matter what kind of mood i am in, she can always make me laugh, wither it be trivial silliness or a well thought out joke.. or just some stupid political cartoon, she knows just what to do. She has got to be the friendliest person around, when i brought john and sarah into my home, she didn't ask any questions, she jumped right in, and did her best to make friends with them, and was there for both of them no matter how nuts sarah made all of us. i admire her willing nature and free spirit.. she doesn't care she will tell you what she wants, she will do what she wants, except when it comes to a select few people, stupid people, who have found a way to bring her down, i admire her for all that she does, med school is no joke, and goddamn i wish i had that kind of ambition. I know that no matter what i say to her, she will never breath a word of it to anyone else, i know that she will never ever judge me, i know that she will stand by my side through thick and thin, and that is very hard to come by these days. She means everything to me, and i love her with all that i have, Jackie, you are wonderful, never change, stay strong, and if you ever doubt.. look here.. and remember.. i believe in you.. and i always will..

Relatively uneventful...

2009-02-04T23:56:00.001-05:00

It would seem today was pretty uneventful.. though there was a bit of amusement at work, last night I was exhausted, and upset as you all saw, so I asked mike to salt the walkway and emergency path for me before he drove me home. which he obliged. as he was doing so janice decided to come back so she could give a talking to to heather. she didn't say a word to me about this but she told heather and christa, that when she showed up mike was “shoveling” the driveway and when he saw her he dropped the shovel and ran like he had “seen a ghost” truth be told, he wasn't shoveling, he was SALTING the pathway I had shoveled a few moments before. not only was he not shoveling, he didn't drop anything, nor did he run, he continued with what he was doing, and said hello to her like he owned the place unfazed by her ghetto booty. so y is she telling stories? and does she realize how dumb she looks? *giggle* moron! so then Christa is telling me about how when Janice went to go leave, she goes, “you need to make a pharmacy run today, would you like to do it while Karin is here? or would you like to go now while I am?” well before she can utter a response janice goes, “well since you said you would like to do it while Karin is here I am going to get going.” so Christa is looking around for the other person in the room at this point and wondering is Janice is up to date on her Schizophrenic meds? is she hearing voices? cause she for shit sure knows she didn't say a word. we had quite a good laugh over this one. then there was the coffee, Janice asked if Christa wanted her to leave the coffee and Christa told her to dump it, yeah.. she didn't she left it.. *sigh* and yesterday when I was closing K's curtains I found Janice's Tea mug on K's window sill, like what???? and she hadn't signed the med log or the green sheets, unreal.. all the things she gets on us for.. so we had an amusing day telling stories to say the very least..

JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!

2009-02-03T19:30:00.000-05:00

this had been a week I think to remember my failures, my faults and my shortcomings... as if it wasn't already bad enough... it decided to get worse.. but isn't that how it always goes? I opened a letter today, from a ESQ. about something which I thought had been laid to rest by the silence I received from CYS.

Dear Ms. Overfield:

Please be advised that I represent T S (ya'll know who this is if you know me) in the above matter. (doesn't she mean below matter? freggin re re, what is she 5? writing this with her little marker?) It is my understanding you were a foster parent for T in 2008. (little longer than that asshole) As you are aware, T is currently placed with aonother foster family. (FUCKING DUH! Was this really nesicary?????? BLODDY MORON!)
However, several personal items belonging to T were left at your residence when T was moved. (don't you mean removed? or ripped involuntarily from my home?) Enclosed herewith, (wow.. no comment) kindly find a list of items T identified as the personal items that were left at your residence. Kindly contact me upon receipt of this letter in order to make arrangements for the transfer of T's belongings.

Thank-you for your anticipated cooperation in this matter. I look forward to and am awaiting your telephone call. (oh? JUST YOU FUCKING WAIT!)

Very Truely Yours, (what? is that for real? is she daft?)
Corinne E. Thiel, Esquire

*sigh* sooo.. yeah.. then there was this photocopied, handwritten note from T, detailing what he wanted.. or lack of detail was more like it.. he was rather vague, it broke my heart, I am glad all the love and support I gave him meant something. I am glad the changes I made to my life and my home were worth it. I am glad loosing my job was so the right thing to do. yeah.. I lost my job because I CHOSE to take him in when HIS family wouldn't step up! HIS family didn't want him, but I was right there!!!! no questions asked!! I fucking OFFERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and this is how it ends! with a fucking letter from a goddamn lawyer. I really rate high. He said he was happy, he said he finally had a home. I gave him more than I ever gave anyone, my family saw it. He changed me. I thought I had, had some effect on him but apparently he would rather be like he was, go back to his old ways, I want to believe that he had nothing to do with this. but michael tells me not to think that way. that he most certainly had everything to do with this. he asked for it. I want to believe it is the people he resides with, egging him on, I want to believe it is them putting these ideas in his head, but I know better, its how he was raised, and nurture always wins. though I am sure they play a small role.

So it seems Michael's solution is to bring all his stuff, to just get it over with. the stuff that a month ago I was told we didn't have. I don't agree, I think I need a response from CYS first, the silent treatment is so disgusting, its disrespectful and unbelievably immature. I just want to know why they chose to fuck with me! I want to know why he didn't get to come back! I just want an answer! you want to pull lawyers into this.. fine.. two can play this game, and I will to! I am so goddamn sick of being treated like a fucking doormat! This isn't for lack of trying on my part. This isn't from lack of communication on my part. I called those assholes hundreds of times a day, I sent letters, I told T, I told his dad.. I told everyone, Jerry Kamora his CYS Caseworker needs to come and get his damn bike! Jerry never called us back. probably because he is friends with Michael's ex Jen. I figured that would be an issue. No amount of telling me it wouldn't would make me feel better, and I have a sinking feeling I was accurate. He didn't even have the common courtesy to call me back, neither did Genese Wayman! neither of them! and they liked us or so I thought.

STOP SENDING SHIT TO MY DAMN HOUSE IF YOU DONT WANT ME!!!!!!! STOP FUCKING WITH ME! JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF MISGUIDED PIECES OF SHIT! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! YOU DON'T CARE ONE SECOND ABOUT WHAT'S RIGHT YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT! I HOPE YOU ALL GET A SERIOUS DOSE OF KARMA!

What these assholes don't realize is every time they drag this shit out.. every time I am reminded.. it's like it's happening all over again.. it's that day again. and my heart breaks all over again. this is causing me some serious emotional strain. and this week has weakened me enough. I haven't any strength left, nothing everyone has drained me of it, and I just.. I can't go on like this.. and I don't know how to fix it.. I don't even know how to talk about it.. nor do I even really want to, Dan keeps txting me.. saying I can talk to him, and I just.. don't want to talk to anyone.. I just want to go away.. I am just so sick of everything. and everyone. I just.. fuck I don't know. I don't even want to go home, because I know everyone will be trying to make me feel better.. and I don't want that.. I can't be made to feel better.. and maybe for once, maybe I ought to cry for a while, maybe I should actually face it, maybe I should just deal instead of being a jackass and swallowing it down like I always do, letting the consoling words of everyone make it go away. I dunno. or maybe I'm not ready for that. we'll see. I feel like I am going to walk in the door to my home and see all his stuff piled up there and just loose it.. I don't just feel like it.. I know that's how it's going to play out.. I know myself well enough to know what I can handle and what I can't. you're never free right?

Unsure...

2009-02-02T20:59:00.000-05:00

Lately I have been feeling like no one understands me.. or what I do. It's strange, it's almost like my house is it's own little world outside of the rest of the world. a place where people go sometimes to find solace. and I am left to wonder why I can't. from Jackie's mother calling me “no-good” to nikki making hurtful verbal attacks at me.. I just feel like no one gets what I do. everyone seems to think I am some kind of nut. is it so wrong to want to help people? is it so terrible to want to provide a place for my close friends, who I consider family, to get away from what they are dealing with and get a change of scenery? and try and help them heal? yes, I know in doing so I ignore myself, but I haven't yet figured out how to manage this delicate balancing act. I am but one person, and I have made the choice that everyone else matters more than I do. I give up sleep, I give up my hard earned money, I give up my serenity, I give my heart, I give my soul, I give my home, I give my food.. I just.. give everything I have and am.. and honestly.. I don't care.. and I want to.. it's who I am.. and it makes me feel better, if I can put a smile on the face of someone I love, even if just for one second, it makes any amount of hell I go through worth it. I don't even want a thank you. why is this so horrible? why is this something people feel the need to pick apart and analyze? how does this make me a bad person? has this world become so completely jaded and one-sided that they just refuse to see things in any other light then their own? have we forgotten about humanity? what happened to just helping.. it's so unfortunate how selfish people are.. it's utterly disgraceful.. I am nothing if not selfless.. I don't know how to be selfish.. if I wanted to live like the rest of you and think like the rest of you I would.. I would go day to day ignoring the people I cared about, I would sit in my high tower pretending to know everything, and I would tell you how to live your life, I would tell you everything you were doing is wrong. but I don't want that.. I just want to see everyone I love have the happiness I can't have, I want the best for this world of misery I trudge through every day. if I touch one life I consider that an accomplishment. but everyone feels the need to lash out at me! is it because you wish you could do what I do? is it because you hate that I can't ignore people? what? for the love of god what? what did I do? why do I deserve this? or are you just that devoid of character that you have to lower someone to make yourself feel better? I just don't understand. but I suppose in the great scheme of things.. it really doesn't matter.. because I am just going to keep on doing what I am doing.. and nothing anyone can say or do will stop me, I know I will meet many brick walls, and have.. and some take more to nock down than others.. (ugh with the metaphors) but in life we will have this.. one thing I have learned.. actually I have learned quite a bit.. and I aim to share my experiences, because sometimes they help people get through their own.. and with that said.. I still can't help myself..

He's Right...

2009-02-02T13:44:00.003-05:00

Sometimes we need to just listen.. sometimes we need to see things through unclouded eyes.. eyes that see with more heart than you have.. because i have no more heart left, not for her anyways, and he is right, as much hell as she put me through, that girl is still human, and part of me considers her a failure on my part, considers her an abandonment, and i am stronger than this.. did i let people get to me? or could i really not take it any more? I'm not so sure anymore.. the more i think about it.. was she really all that bad? could i have helped her? could i have had more patience with her? could i not have stuck it out until thursday? i dunno... there are all these unanswered questions and what ifs.. and as i said before.. it's all those what ifs that will kill you.. and night after night, i listen, and i wonder if this decision, was not the best one. i see how much he hurts, i hear the words he cries.. and it breaks my heart. and for once in my life i don't know how to fix things.. and i don't know how to deal with that. i have always been a problem solver, and this position.. is something new.. and a little bit scary.. maybe it's that i don't have control over the situation? i seem to like that? damn.. i am over analyzing now.. thanks nikki.. i am just edgy and i don't know why.. i can't deal with anyone.. and i just want everyone to go away.. like i could scream if i don't get some time alone.. and thats not like me... i don't know what's going on! i don't understand my emotions.. i really think i am headed for some sort of meltdown or something.. fuck.. gurrr

John.. this one is for you...

2009-02-01T20:12:00.003-05:00

I want you to know, i see so much potential in you, i have know you so many years now, i have seen you through so much.. watched you grow, watched you fall.. from a distance maybe.. wither you knew it or not.. i kept tabs on you.. when you made the bad choices you did.. my heart ached for you, and i knew there was nothing i could do, you had to learn for yourself. as we walk this rocky road called life.. one thing i know is true.. like i promised you all those years ago, i am not going anywhere... you will always have me to fall back on. and you will rise above.. like a Phoenix from the ashes of the pain and torment and shit that this world has piled upon you. i understand you, if no one else does, and i wish nothing more than your happiness. and i will stop at nothing to help you achieve that. your heart is pure, your emotions are true, and your intentions are good. you will without a doubt change the world, you will do great things.. you will make someone so happy. you can do this. don't ever for a second doubt yourself. don't look back, don't think, just move forward. be all that you can... because i believe in you. i always have and always will..

The day the world went away..

2009-01-31T04:21:00.001-05:00

If i had to pick a series of events i didn't want to string together to be a day in my life.. today would be it. I have been feeling terrible lately, the stress and dark waves sarah brought into my hope made me sick, physically, emotionally and mentally. they consumed my being.. created an environment, that i could not live with her in. they broke every threshold and realm of my patience, sanity and whatever else. i snapped. i don't loose control very often. i don't like it when i do. i become this monster.. who isn't me. i disgust myself. with that said, i was supposed to go to my Aunt Helen's funeral today, i didn't, Michael couldn't wake me up. he put forth quite the valiant effort i am told. i was dead to the world. i missed it. i was heart broken. then Nikki came over, everything was fine. until we got talking about the guild on Neopets.com of all freggin things. this created a massive argument. then Sarah decided to hide in her room screaming at nothing.. but seemingly screaming at someone.. we listened for upwards of 20 mins before jackie finally went in and asked her who she was talking to. so, yeah .. that didn't go over well.. and she then started flipping on jackie too.. and it went on from there.. from about 6pm till 9:15 pm was when we got her into the car with her shit packed on the way back to CT.. enough was enough! and good riddance to bad people. stuck her in the back seat with the child safety locks on.. like the child she is.. She went to say something to Jackie but realized the child safety locks were up so gave a glaring stare of death instead. Don't think for a second that any of this was overkill.. she did try to get out. and if you could hear her scream... it is like a demented banshie thing.. its horrible.. quite possibly the worst sound i have ever heard in my entire life. so, as if the screaming demon child wasn't enough, they left for CT, Nikki called, and i had to listen to her for a few hours say horrible things to me like, "can you physically have a child? is that why you take people into your home so much?" and that i treat Mike like shit and things of that nature.. and basically everything i have ever done wrong in my life over the years, and then even go as far as to bring up something from a past very painful relationship that i had since pushed out of my mind. but.. apparently since she is so miserable i have to be too.. her life isn't perfect so she has to psycho analyze mine.. and demean me to her level or misery. and this is coming from someone who i consider to be my sister. she broke my heart. and i mean broke it. getting hit in the head with a brick would have paled in comparison.. so yeah.. welcome to my day.. fuck. Jackie's account of the day...

Sooooooooooooooooooo

2009-01-28T00:07:00.004-05:00

Yeah.. so today was an interesting day.. Jackie had much to say too... i stayed up all night again.. which i know you wouldn't know about last night since i am a total slacker and didn't write last night oopsie... but.. yeah.. ummm.. John and i were up searching for the Wizard.. and we couldn't find him and it didn't help that John was convinced that the wizard was blue, it wasn't, the wizard was red.. really.. it's red. yeah.. so the wizard is red. so then we spend alllllll damn night looking and freggin Mike gets up at like 7:30 for school and we were whining like little school girls about it and he takes the "Where's Waldo" book from us and looks for like .002 of a second and goes, "the wizard is right here" soooo we decided we might have to kill Michael. or we really needed sleep. yeah.. that thing that i never do.. wait i got corrected.. John would like me to say "we" because i have a fellow insomniac. wOOt!!!!! we can spend every night looking for the wizard and slowly drift off into insanity because we will never find him. shit, i am sooooooooooooo off topic. the topic is Sarah, or as Jax has so aptly named "satan" last night we had a bit-o-fun screwing with her.. which as ya'll know.. this is a favorite past time among us friends screwing with each other.. well.. with her.. we take it to an utter extreme.. i think maybe because it is just tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo easy. "she pours the concrete we lay the bricks" (btw a direct quote from her own boyfriend, and i use this term very lightly) Jax and i were in the living room on separate couches, on our laptops on AIM commenting back and fourth about her, as she was in the same room, it was quite possibly one of the more amusing things i have witnessed. Jax was calling her ET and i was commenting on how her hair looked like something out of a moldy garbage disposal.. ok maybe not that bad but that is rather amusing in and of it's self. she was playing with clay, and she made what appeared to be a penis. possibly because she secretly wishes she had one, i mean wearing men's clothes and the 14 year old boy hair cut she is sporting and the fact that i am pretty sure she never showers... i mean omg ewww... like when did Joe move back in? So then Satan dropped her cigarette and left her lighter on the edge of the table and walked away, Jax jumped right down her throat hurling insults at her with a vengeance, telling her she needed to pick up her cigarette, needless to say she did not do this. When satan walked away, Jax grabbed her lighter and stuck it in her pocket. I made a valiant effort to not laugh as satan threw a hissy fit from the depths of hell looking for it to no avail. Finally she gave up and lit it off my stove, to which i screamed at her for. Dan suggested we give her a lecture in not smoking during all this to add insult to injury that was quite amusing. Well then she went into the bathroom to smoke her cigarette and Jax put hers back, she is so utterly oblivious that she didn't even notice it. now that takes super special talent and stupidity. it was amazing. then she sat in Mocha's chair and "read" (and i put it in quotes because she really can't read) a book which was her actually flipping through the pages of a book, at a rather fast pace. a few mins later i get an IM from Michael "she is flipping through that book at like 500 miles a min" so i forward it to Jax and she goes "maybe she likes the pictures" then he goes "i really want to throw Don Johnson down the hallway at her" needless to say.. you get the idea this went on for hours, we really don't like her. and the hatred has been brewing for a long while now.

Well now that you have the recap of last night, which was a heck of a lot more long winded than i had intended it to be... i am going to tell you about today, you can read about this morning on Jax blog, but i was mostly asleep for this, i left for work and got cursed out for making the pork chops a day early (one would think this is not a big deal to Janice.. well it is) so i was already in a horrible mood.. so John was on the phone with me while i was filling out housing papers for him, and i heard satan and her attitude in the background, and thats when i requested he put her on the phone. i not so kindly informed her that she needed to cut the attitude it was draining me of my sanity. then i got back on the phone with John and continued with the paper work. towards the end of it i asked him if she was mad at what i said. he told me that she thinks i hate her. i said i did. so i decided to tell her how i felt and got her back on the phone. and said "so i hear you think i hate you?" she goes "yeah you never talk to me any more" to which i responded with "well.. when you first got here i thought you were pretty cool and i could get along with you, you were willing to help out around the house, you were friendly, then you took a turn for the worse, you don't get off your fat ass for anything. when John asks you to do anything you tell him to leave you alone and scream at him. i work every day to put food in your fat face and a roof over your fat head. you have a place to sleep because of me and i didn't know you from a whore on the street but took you in because you are with a close friend of mine. who by the way you treat like shit. i am so fucking sick of getting phone calls from Jackie ten times a day telling me she feels bad for John because you have him close to tears screaming at him. you destroy the vibe in my house i never want to come home any more. and further more the little stunt you pulled the other day pretending you were passing out in the car on the way home was total shit, you can't even fake rolling your eyes back in your head well, you are in a house of medically trained individuals, and it made me sick that you would take a real medical condition and trivialize it for attention. you disgust me. take a fucking shower you smell like shit you look like shit your hair is disgusting get off your fat welfare living ass and do something or get the fuck out of my house i will not stand for this shit any longer. i am sick of looking at your ugly face." i went on and on and on.. and it only got worse from there.. i let her know just how much i hated her. i have never met someone who made me so ill and instilled such a distain for humanity in me. i only hope that my "talk" got through to her. which would be doubtful, people like her.. they don't change. they stay stuck in their shit and act like fucking assholes for the rest of their lives. *sigh* at lest i got it off my chest and i said it to her face.

Me and My Two Best Friends :)

2009-01-26T04:00:00.002-05:00

My bestest best friend is here.. and John took such a cute picture of me and Jax I had to share it :)

2009-01-26T02:52:00.000-05:00

So.. as I am about to say this I can't even believe it myself, Janice popped into work tonight, and did not say one bad thing about or to me at all in-fact she was incredibly friendly and gave k a shower for me so I had one less to do. so I guess it has been a good night so far.. I have a bit of a headache.. I keep forgetting to take my Topamax.. which really isn't good.. then I get migraines.. you would think I would remember it.. it's only twice a day.. 2am and 2pm.. how hard is that? gurr.. oh well.. J is standing in the hallway singing to me that he likes me over and over to the tune of “I will be right her waiting for you” (it's on his radio) he has his little guitar its so cute. I got a few pix messages from mike apparently they brought the old love-seat in and set up the livening room differently.. its umm.. interesting.. lol.. I am calling my father because i want the couch that matches..

Bored with photoshop..

2009-01-25T00:50:00.000-05:00

Revelations.. or something like it..

2009-01-24T23:12:00.005-05:00

Here I am.. I had a shitter of a day yesterday.. and expected one today.. but I got to work, and no janice, the place was clean and I got right to cooking.. it's odd.. step away from my world and into another.. and things that once were disappear.. I'm sure as soon as I leave here it will come rushing back.. but for now.. this moment.. with the people I care for I feel fine. and in life it's these silly little unexpected moments we must cling to.. for they are the special ones, where life slows down for a minuet and nothing can touch you. as they are few and far between. I threw a little Dave Matthew's Band on and I'm sitting there watching them eat dinner, in some ways I am jealous of how they have it. they don't have to worry, their food is made, their home is kept their bills are paid. .they just get to relax and enjoy. they don't even need to bath or get dressed.. that too is done for them. then again it probably makes life seem menial.. but do they really know the difference? are they even capable of comprehending what they miss out on, on a daily basis? or are they super aware of other things.. do they feel music instead of just hearing it? do they see colors and shapes in a different way? I would love to see through their eyes if only for a second, I think the world must be beautiful for them, they are never really unhappy.. and always so loving, and so damn appreciative. eh.. I'm just babbling.. but these are the things that go through my head when I sit here and watch them interact. humm... well.. on to my reality waiting for me.. today I had a talk with John because Sarah outright refused to do the dishes.. which to me is rather disrespectful, especially since she complained to me not three days ago about how John refused to get up and do anything. I questioned Michael about this as he spends more time with them then I. but it would seem according to Michael that they fight on a daily basis about her not doing anything and that John is really frustrated with her. I am much more inclined to believe Michael as I really don't know Sarah and as of yet have not heard one good thing about her. I seemingly have this ability to see the good in everyone.. and well.. with her I am still looking.. and that's very strange for me to be still looking.. I find these things right off the bat. but maybe just maybe there is no good to be found. I don't want to believe that.. but.. I suppose I have to think outside the box..

I have been thinking a little about other things... today was laundry day and I had nothing to wear except for my old clothes.. my hippy/ art major stuff.. I was sitting here wondering why did I stop doing that? I attribute it to maturity.. but then I got thinking is striving to be something you aren't really the most mature option? we spend our lives trying to be this upstanding citizen, who does everything right.. who thinks a certain way.. and goes along with the masses.. I see to many people give up their individuality as they got older because its what they thought was right. I think I am one of those people. I still think a certain way.. I just don't feel like I am free to express in a certain way.. being back at the art studios yesterday hanging with Mark it reminded me of who I was. How happy I was then covered in clay and pastel dust. not a care in the world except for what was I going to make next? we would just go for a nice drive in the country take a few hits off the blue glass bowl and head to the studios for hours on end.. free as birds with only our emotions to express though the things we lovingly created. we had such a sense of peace, we didn't care what anyone thought.. we dressed as we wanted.. we loved who we wanted and we never stopped to ask for directions or question if what we were doing is right.. we just kept on going.. and it worked for us.. we threw parties and worked on community art pieces, we goofed around and did things no one else would do. the stories we could tell.. and do tell.. as if we are 60 year old's reliving our good years.. why did they come to an end? why did I suddenly decide to let go of that? no one told me I had to.. there are all these judgmental people out there.. including someone I love dearly.. who think that pot the evil “gateway” drug or whatever.. is the worst thing out there.. and one should NEVER EVER touch it.. which is a crock of shit.. that's the sheep being lead by the propaganda machine again.. (*giggle* at least he likes the sheep) and I should make note to the fact that I am not nearly as bitter about this as I sound... *sigh* last night after at least four years of not smoking I took a hit of a joint.. ONE hit... and that old familiar taste, smell and feeling came back.. and I remembered when things were free and good.. when things were when I was truly happy.. truly myself.. truly expressive.. not held back from societal norms... not that I am going back to that as much as I want to.. I wish for just one moment in time.. things could be the way they were.. that I could think the way I thought.. that I could want the things I wanted then and dream about the things I dreamt about.. that I could live my life the way I wanted to .. but that.. that is a pipe dream.. (yes, pun intended) I long for the smell of Acrylic paint in my hallway and the giggles of the girls as they drew yet another abstract piece on the hallway wall.. I miss the all nighters.. and being up all night because there was no way we could sleep! Cocaine will do that to you. even that doesn't seem so bad... though I know it is.. I miss eating mushrooms at Frenchie's farm out in Honesdale.. and running through the fields for hours.. tasting colors.. feeling the air... talking about the most ridiculous stuff.. (god I miss you frenchie.. I hope god is holding you in his arms.. you never let go of the dream.. ) I miss Tom building a fort out of his paintings and refusing to come out.. because he was in Andy's room too long.. hehe.. we all know Andy's room.. Missy and I spent hours there.. and god Missy.. I miss you.. you let go of the dream too.. no more Blondie at the Keroke bar.. I miss the 7 foot meat sculptures, the snow angels at 5 am in the glistening night air.. I miss driving to no where.. not caring how lost we were.. just drinking in the sunshine.. appreciating the world and life as we knew it... our music at top volume singing our hearts out... laughing with the wind in our hair.. all of you can sit there on your high horses and judge me with out ever knowing.. but know this.. I know a world you will never know.. I know a peace you will never find.. I have learned more about life than you can ever even fathom knowing.. not until you give this life a try.. or you can continue to live your life of judgement and egotism.. I don't care.. I know I am better for all I have done.. I know I am better for all the people I have met.. helped.. loved and gotten to know.. everyone that had touched my life in some way I will never forget.. and they have helped mold the person I am today.. whoever that is..

I meet the most multidimensional people.. I never judge.. I wait to get to know you.. I have never cared for the looks of a person.. for the money a person has.. for the way they live their lives.. people are all inherently good to me.. and meeting someone new is like opening a present for the first time.. either its something you really wanted or you are let down and disappointed with the gift they leave you with.. I have met people I will never for get that just disappeared from my life.. but that's who they were and I expected it.. like that guy that drove me out to the Nicholeson Bridge one day and we marveled at the architecture and work that had gone into it.. and stoned as we were I got a wonderful history lesson that day on the area I lived in.. he remained in my english class that semester.. we shared poetry, short stories, art work, music and spent hours out in the woods walking around.. talking about nothing really.. and then just like that he disappeared... I remember when I was out in Main at a work camp helping build houses for the less fortunate.. (i use that term lightly.. in some ways they are more fortunate, where they lack worldly possessions and the devils money they are rich with love and understanding.. and humbled something this world lacks) anyways.. I met this guy.. I ignored most of the people I went there with and just sat with him all night every night after the work.. next to the bonfire.. sining with him.. we shared our hearts in song.. and i'll never forget him either.. but just like that he was gone from my life.. and this guy Tony.. I remember he lives on Pelham Pkwy in NY.. hehe.. he was something else.. we talked for hours.. about nothing... up at life tech.. getting into all sorts of trouble.. and there was Andy.. umm... Andy Fisher.. that was his name.. I met him at Johnny Seasaws.. and for one magical moment when I was 13 we sat outside on the swings watching the snow fall holding hands.. and we shared that way.. didn't talk much.. but him too.. all these people are gone from my life.. and I don't know why.. but I will never forget any of them.. its odd how you just think of this stuff.. so random.. I just love people I think.. I love getting to know them.. just on my terms.. and at some-point.. we all move on.. its life.. like I was telling Uncle Ace last night.. loss is part of life.. as is death.. you can't have life with out either of these things.. and until you learn to deal with both of them.. you aren't really living.. your just waiting..

What a fucking day..

2009-01-23T21:54:00.002-05:00

I decided to go up to Montrose and visit the farm and my family today, and i am really glad I did because I think it might be the last time I see Uncle Ace. My family has this innate ability to know when they are going to die.. its a little unsettling. I first went there and Aunt Anne wasn't there so I talked to uncle ace for a little bit he was disoriented and tried to call Aunt Anne but didn't realize he was calling the number of the house he was at. I convinced him to tun on his oxygen again and go back to sleep and told him we would come back again. we then went to Uncle Donnie's house and talked to him for a while and of course he tried to give us money which I didn't let him do. after we went and got some food at Don Lockeheart's and then went back to Ace and Anne's. Ace was sitting at the kitchen table and my Aunt Lois (their daughter) was there. Uncle ace talked to me for a while, John and Sarah talked to Lois because she knows BPT pretty well from teaching at UB. Ace then decided he couldn't stay awake any more so I walked him to bed and as I helped him lay down he started crying. Telling me that age was getting to him and he wasn't going to be around much longer. I told him not to talk like that and that he would live a long time, and he pleaded with me to help him that he couldn't breath and he was in pain and what could he do. So I sat with him and held his hand and rubbed his back. I told him that I would come up and see him next saturday, it's my weekend off he told me he wouldn't be here then. I told him not to be afraid if that was the case, that getting old is a part of life and that God loved him because he was a good person his whole life and he continues to be. I must have told him a hundred times I loved him, and it was like getting a second chance that I never had with grandma and grandpa to actually say goodbye. I just pray he is wrong, and I don't pray, but because he believes so much I prayed for him. Watching him cry like that in be in so much pain tore my heart out I love him so much. Part of me thought maybe I should stay the night and hold his hand.. but I know I couldn't do that, driving the hour and a half every day.. I would be dead on my feet. So yeah.. My Aunt Helen's funeral is on saturday so I will be heading back up there for that. I decided I needed something to cheer me up after all this so I stopped at the art studio and hung out with Mark for a while, he is starting a new series of work, instead of fish scenes on pots she is doing reliefs of Salmon during the various stages of life. its the creepiest thing I have ever seen.. and I hate fish as you well know. Soooo speaking of fish... yeah.. we had a pregnant chinchilid, and tonight it died, (how fitting) and they are live barers welll apparently Sarah could see the babies moving inside the fish still.. so I woke mike up and he cut the fish open only to find the babies had died.. so yeah.. today and tonight sucked.

Thank you Lynn...

2009-01-23T00:37:00.004-05:00

Lynn sucks ass.. she posted these on Face-book today...

she wrote on this one "my room mate came back to visit me" yeah.. she's defiantly who i came back for *rolls eyes* not!

this one is just unfair.. i look insane.. yeah varsity softball.. *vomits* me and becky love are the only two not wearing a uniform and i had a uniform and a varsity jacket.. wow i suck

Ani Difranco "Fuel"

2009-01-23T00:11:00.001-05:00

They were digging a new foundation in Manhattan
And they discovered a slave cemetery there
May their souls rest easy now that lynching is frowned upon
And we've moved on to the electric chair
And I wonder who's gonna be president
Tweedle Dumb or Tweedle Dumber?
And who's gonna have the big
Blockbuster box office
This summer
How 'bout we put up a wall
Between the houses and the highway
And then you can go your way
And I can go my way
Except all the radios agree with all the TV's
And all the magazines agree with all the radios
And I keep hearing that same damn song
Everywhere I go
Maybe I should put a bucket over my head
And a marshmallow in each ear
And stumble around for another dumb numb week
For another hum drum hit song to appear
People used to make records
As in a record of an event
The event of people
Playing music in a room
Now everything is cross-marketing
It's about sunglasses and shoes
Or guns or drugs
You choose
We got it rehashed
We got it half-assed
We're digging up all the graves
And we're spitting on the past
And we can choose between the colors
Of the lipstick on the whores
Cuz we know the difference
Between the font of twenty percent more
And the font of teriyaki
You tell me
How does that make you feel?
You tell me what's real
They say that alcoholics are always alcoholics
Even when they're dry as my lips for years
Even when they're stranded on a small desert island
With no place in two thousand miles to buy beer
And I wonder is he different
Is he different
Has he changed
What he's about
Or is he just a liar
With nothing to lie about
Am I headed for the same brick wall
Is there anything I can do
About anything at all
Except go back to that corner in Manhattan
And dig deeper
Dig deeper this time
Down beneath the impossible pain of our history
Beneath unknown bones
Beneath the bedrock of the mystery
Beneath the sewage system and the path train
Beneath the cobblestones and the water main
Beneath the traffic of friendships and street deals
Beneath the screeching of kamikaze cab wheels
Beneath everything I can think of to think about
Beneath it all
Beneath all get out
Beneath the good and the kind and the stupid and the cruel
Ther'es a fire that's just waiting for fuel

It's all about the gummy frogs..

2009-01-23T00:09:00.002-05:00

Well I have learned one thing today Christa is willing to trade eternal love for Harboro Gummy Frogs *giggle* she really wanted them, I have had them sitting in my house for the longest time, and I keep forgetting.. oops.. well mike brought them down along with my I-pod and the connector cause the TV at work is out again.. and umm.. well there is no place to hook it up.. so I am stuck listening to BHT which is all umm special like. but whatever I suppose its better than silence. on the way to work I was saying please don't let janice be there.. and of course, low and behold there she was gurrr.. she was in better spirits thankfully, though we got blamed for the snow outside the house (everyone else's arms are broken seems like a coincidence must have been a bad week for arm breaking) tomorrow they are doing CLA inspections so we have to work our asses off and make the place perfect, of course, so far all I have done is made dinner and the cinnamon swirl bread and its 6:45pm should probably get my butt in gear, but eh I don't care enough. as far as the bread that's kind of amusing, HR requested we have home baked snacks for the inspectors, like what? as if we don't have enough shit to do we need to suck up to state officials? janice is going to tie it up in ribbons and what not... paranoia much? well thank god for coffee.. I am pretty sure that john and sarah haven't done a thing today the were barely awake when I left. john should really try only taking a half of a colonizpam before bed maybe he could function on a human level. tomorrow my well needed day off I have to do some things, I plan on sleeping most of the day because I really need the rest, but I have to take them to Section 8 again.. hopefully that will go well.. and I need to get one of those dry erase calendars again.. I am getting too forgetful. and missing things that are important. and I found out that apparently my Dr. won't refill my painkiller if I don't go see him, so maybe i'll be heading up to Lake Winola.. which I REALLY don't want to do, it was 45 mins from Scranton! which means I will have to drive like 1.15 but that's life. and I know dan will feel better so who knows. oh and I forgot to mention, when I arrived at work a woman caught up to me, think she was waking down the road, saw my front plate on my car (german flag) and asked if I was from Germany, I told her all about it turns out she is from the outskirts of france, but we talked a little bit, I happened to have some Milka in the car and gave her a bar hehe.. made her pretty happy, and I think she was happy to have someone to talk to. I took her number maybe i'll hang with her sometime. Janice was giving me the dirty look cause I was talking to her but I don't care. she still had her accent shoulda seen my eyes light up lol. think that's why I like this area so much, it's so diverse. well I feel badly, Christa is sweeping the floors and I am sitting here doing this.. lol.. gotta get some work done...

okay so seeing as how there is an inspector coming tomorrow.. I scrubbed all the toilets, sinks, and the floors in both bathrooms, kitchen and laundry room. I dusted and polished everyones bedroom sets, the cabinets in the kitchen, entertainment center, end tables, office desk and coffee table and kitchen set. I cleaned the inside and outside of the fridge and oven/stove and the dishwasher, vacuumed the floors in all rooms and cleaned the windows.. its 8:53 and I feel like collapsing, still have to give showers and do PM care, and pass meds.. gurrr... this night needs to end! Christa is convinced Janice will be mad that we did all that, and say that we shouldn't have because the night shift would have done it, yeah okay.. sure thing.. golden child is on again tonight, I highly doubt it will get done. so I just did it. you would think she would say thank you. but its doubtful. I don't want to get blamed for anything so now she can't say a word.. and I documented it ALL in the shift exchange. so it will be known who did it all. best way to beat the system is to go against it. ha! fuck her if she wants to give me shit about it.

The golden child ended up showing up late. heh.. go figure.. I was reminded she can do whatever she wants.. point taken.. rar.. then I finally went home and realized I had no cigarettes left, soooo grabbed Sarah and headed to dunmore.. and I got carded.. I am pretty sure I don't look 17 but thanks anyways.. so I being my chatty cathy self proceeded to tell the guy at the counter of Jackie's misadventures with the cop.. he was convinced that the cop was just hitting on her because apparently his brother who is a cop picked his wife up that way.. what a story for the kids.. though if that was the case.. that cop was soooo barking up the wrong tree!

As Luck Would Have It...

2009-01-21T20:10:00.000-05:00

This has just been a week from hell, from taking blame for things that were not my fault to backstabbing employees and angry managers and all the crap in-between. all week christa and i have been dealing with captain unhappy janice, who myself and someone not involved (who worked with her at Allied years ago) at all have deemed bipolar. it's very taxing and stressful to arrive at work on a daily basis to someone who is in a bad mood or is so nit-picky that they find something to complain about every singe day. the other day it was meds that got spilled on a patients bed linens, and i had signed off on the pm med round so apparently i had to be to blame. i took it and moved on. or so i thought.

Today she was rip roaring about everything under the sun, no surprise there, and she touched on the med thing again. it set me right off. it is SOOO offensive that she thinks my level of professionalism would be, number one, to make a mess with the meds and number two leave the mess, and number three, lie about it and not own up to the fact that i made a mistake. sure accidents happen and he has dropped his meds before, but i always re-administer and clean up the mess he has made. not to mention stand over him until i know the meds are no longer in his mouth. in fact the one time when he dropped them i immediately took his clothes and put them in the laundry, then poured another round. i am so damn sick and tired of our shift (3-11) taking the blame for everything. she insists that it had to be me because heather hadn't administered the 7 am dose at that point yet, so i asked, could it not be that heather administered the dose and didn't stand by him and when it was realized that he had in-fact spilt it told her that she had not given the meds yet? no. of course not.

There is most certainly favoritism happening, Janice's daughter (whom we have deemed the “golden child“ can do no wrong. janice thinks she does her work when it is very evident she doesn't and was even found laying in a patients bed the other day by Christa, i have found the food processor covered in food after she has been here.. i mean hell.. and somehow Heather has janice on her good side. so we of course get to take the brunt of everything. this is why they should not allow family to work together, let alone at the same place.

Then there was this whole thing about how in the refrigerator apparently the creamer spilled out all over everything, and janice told heather to clean it and she didn't do a very good job I guess because ultimately janice had to re-clean it. well.. this part of the refrigerator that she took out apparently sat in the dish rack for a few days, and went untouched and no one bothered to put it back. I myself only noticed it last night as I was leaving, as I don't use the dish rack (not that that is an excuse) but this is.. it was broken almost all the way through and I didn't want to put something that was broken back in the refrigerator. my note to this effect did get to janice I guess. so she went on and on.. and on... and on.. about how it should not have sat there for so long and no one have put it back.. well my dear janice, your daughter was on last night, are you giving her this same speech? no of course not, the golden child is untouchable. she is just as liable for anything that happens in this house. could she not have put the thing back? are her fingers broken? no.. fuck no.. god love hypocrisy and favoritism.

I love my job, I think of the patients as family, I take as much care of them as I possibly can, and give them everything I have. It is so offensive to be to think that someone thinks otherwise. as most of you know i have a tendency to even appear on my days off because i miss them. i am nothing if not devoted to their well being and happiness. it's also quite apparent to Christa and i that the complaints only happen when Heather has worked the shift prior. I pointed out this fact to, and she gives me the excuse of she is on light duty. so? when Christa was on light duty she still went above and beyond. the poor girl just spent two hours cleaning the van in the freezing cold, in an attempt to placate janice. i said some things to janice i do regret but after a while kouth goes out the window and frustration sets in. working here would be so much nicer if it wern't for her. i just hope karma comes back. the chronic complainer needs to be put in her place, it amuses me too that when you call her phone it says “namaste“ i am quite sure the woman doesn't understand the meaning of the word. (“I honor the Spirit in you which is also in me.”) she needs to learn step 5 in the “Five Daily Recollections” but whatever thats neither here nor there.. i guess i will just continue doing what i am doing and hope for the best. Heather will be found for what she is eventually, but i will say this, she had made some enemies and wait till she needs someone to cover her shift. i know she won't get a yes out of Christa or i. reap what you sow. i plan on having some VERY unfriendly words with her on her return to work. it makes me sick that she is still employed here and no one knows what she is up to, maybe we should start pointing out her downfalls and wrong doings to Janice instead of helping her out with them. fuck.

I just hope this doesn't keep up longer and janice doesn't decided to screw me over i did act in a manner which wasn't quite suitable for a work environment, but she needed to hear what I had to say, and I needed to say it. it doesn't help that I feel like shit and for some reason the last few days have been unable to hear much, and to boot, “aunt flow“ stopped in for a visit. all I want to do now is go home and go to bed! and I wont be able to do that for another few hours.. its only 9 pm and i get off at 11. this is going to be the longest two hours ever. and now the drier just died.. and I am sure we will get blamed for that. anyone have a fine tooth comb? I need to go over everything in this house. I don't want to get blamed again. I swear I am considering taking pictures of the house as I left it every night just to prove that it isnt us. maybe I will.. I am insane enough to do that.... *the wheels are spinning*

and it just occurred to me.. I should probably explain the recollections

Five Daily Recollections:
1. I am of the nature to grow old; I cannot avoid ageing.
2. I am of the nature to become ill; I cannot avoid illness.
3. I am of the nature to die; I cannot avoid death.
4. All that is mine, dear and delightful, will change and vanish.
5. I am the owner of my karma; I am born of my karma; I live supported by my karma; I will inherit my karma; whatever I do, whether good or evil, that I will inherit.

yeah.. there's that.. so the thing that makes me most sad about all this is the patents have to listen to us banter about who did what and what they did wrong, and it takes away from their time, the time we should be giving to them. they are the real victims in this. not to mention the high stress of wondering if you will hear about something the next night as always, creates anger, which is hard to leave at the door, when you get it inside the door. and it, unfortunately, reflects on them. they can tell what sort of mood you are in and they bounce off of the attitude you put forth. if its negative, they will feel negative, and feel as though it was their fault unable to comprehend that it really isn't. it's just sad.. so very very sad... they deserve better. and she needs to be aware of the “domino effect” (her words) that she tells us we need to be aware of. everything effects everything around it. namaste janice...

These things....

2009-01-19T04:33:00.000-05:00

I somehow can't turn my brain off.. it's flooded with memories.. and things I just can't make sense of.. and I am left to wonder.. what if? and the what if's will kill you. because what if is really nothing, because the time has past to make the what if's a reality. I am missing something, I don't know what it is, I have found a lot of things that I was looking for, but I am still missing something. how do you find the way to true happiness? and does it really exist? is there a way to really and truly free yourself from all the things holding you back? is there a way to just forget and move on? and why haven't I figured it out yet if such a thing exists? for all intensive purposes I should be the happiest person alive, well right now anyways.. but I am finding it harder and harder to let go, and just go along for the ride. especially when so many things go unanswered, when so many things just don't make sense to me. its like religion, I see people finding strength and happiness in it, and I want that.. but my reason wont allow it.. I have no faith in anything. and how can I? there is not much that has ever worked out for me. I guess I am getting sick of thinking its all good, and finding out it isn't all I had thought it was.

So You Know What's Really Cool?

2009-01-15T20:23:00.003-05:00

Working on your day off... that is sooooooo cool!! not.. and then driving your friends alll over creation (or vagrants.. however ya wanna put it) i took them to section 8 (in Scranton and Dunmore), the welfare office, and Career link... and up to see Sharkey... i was sooo happy to see him.. missed my Sharkey.. as soon as we walked in he offered us some run and a joint or a bowl hit not sure which was something in the form of pot.. ol stoner... and he was all dressed up poor guy just got back from a funeral. (seems to be all the time any more) but hell it didn't stop him from telling stories of yore and showing us his nifty slingshot (remember the pigeons? well apparently they are no longer a problem, and his slingshot is real not made from his underwear *giggle*) he offered sarah and john the infamous bed.. which is still rather amusing to me, then we were off to eric's to hear about the squirrels and drink some red wine, he gave them a tour of his basement and we talked about mark chuck for a bit which was rather amusing.. and i busted his balls about not having shoveled his driveway.. which he assured me he would do for the next time i arrived there.. so yeah.. that was my day.. whoopee..

At long last...

2009-01-12T23:56:00.004-05:00

Soooo i have been away for a while.. and lots has happened.. last night i had to work a double because He-ate-her decided to call out, which was loads of fun!!! 18 hours straight with 4 hours of sleep in-between and then back to work again... so it was 3 pm till 7 am then 3-11 again.. holy hell was that awful.. at one point i felt like i had eaten an eight of mushrooms some of you could relate to that *giggle* the room was moving.. at me no less.. that was fun.. i drank a ridiculous amount of coffee and at about 5 am i was all cracked out and running around and got sooo much done and when janice showed up i was a scary sunshine and smiles morning sort of person that i loath. some how i managed to get t and k up and dressed and fed before janice showed up which is crazy i am told cause not only did she get there 45 mins early but usually they only get t up by that point.. so yeah! go me (i rock haha) when i got home i had an issue sleeping didn't fall asleep till 8 then got up at two.. and went back to work.. yeah... now i am home.. but i got all uppity cause my house guest was still sleeping i am getting kind of annoyed at the fact that i am working so hard to feed her and all she does is sleep all day, i mean common!!! do something! fuck she even left all her dishes from the night before, that is so irritating, how can someone lack that much motivation and self respect and respect for the people who went out of their way to give her a roof over her head and food in her bellies? and the excuse? she had a headache.. well listen mother fucker.. i have gone to work with a fever.. this whole week... two people can attest to that.. i have a headache constantly.. no one gives a fuck are your fingers broken? i dunno.. i just don't get how you could say in one breath you want to make something of you life and then in the other sleep all day and then make lame excuses and waste the one month you have to start over but thats just me.. guess i was brought up differently.. and it made me irate today. *sigh* i really should know better by now there are probably other things which elude me right now... as exhaustion has set in... so... ummm.... yeah....

Thursday....

2009-01-08T13:49:00.002-05:00

Now i can safely say that tomorrow i have a day off.. (not that last night i couldn't, thought i couldn't seem to make sense of that god was i tired!) not sure what to do with myself today as both twitter and plurk are not working right today.. rars.. but eh.. hopefully they will start working again.. michael went to St. Joe's today for his interview *fingers crossed* i hope he gets it so he can become more self sustaining, that would be rather nice. they are going to think i am insane, i send mike there then i bring them john and sara tomorrow haha.. at least i'll have some nice fat bonus checks coming to me, i get $250.00 for every employee i bring to them woot! i love my job hehe.. St. Joe's is like the best place to work ever! minus the poopy and vomit lol but eh. welllll anyways off to work after my breakfast of champions which consisted of coffee, cigarettes and grapefruit.. hehe

Poo Poo Platter

2009-01-08T02:18:00.001-05:00

Wow ok that title was sooo wrong.. thankfully the poo wasn't on a platter.. but it was on the bathroom floor.. and the hallway.. and other places.. she has graduated from vomit.. yeah!!!! i am sooo excited.. it's been such a crazy week.. and its thursday already.. at least tomorrow i have a day off.. well.. its thursday morning anyways... meaning thursday really hasn't happened yet.. i have to work alone later today.. so not really looking forward to that.. so i guess its more in two days i have a day off.. but whatever i just succeeded in making no sense and confusing myself.. i am so tired... i am not sure what i am going to be doing about helping my buddies out with work... going to have to shake the weak tired over worked feeling and cloud of whatever that is looming.. and get off my ass and figure this out... aaarrgg.. fuck it i am going to bed i can't even make simple sentences make sense any more..

I am a total slacker...

2009-01-06T11:32:00.003-05:00

I left CT on what sunday night? i came back to PA with two vagrants.. hehe.. my ex bf and his mentally challenged girlfriend.. things have been rather interesting since, getting them all settled in to my house finding them a place to work, a place to live all that, so i haven't been writing... i am sure i will have more on this topic tonight.. on a surprising note, i ordered gas yesterday and it actually came today.. like omg wow!

Okay so more about the vagrants.. one is John who i dated forever and a time ago, which is amusing, i think we were much better off as friends, we seem to get along very well still to this day and its been what 17 years? his girlfriend is a bit umm strange... but i can at least get along with her.. i feel a little bad for the other occupants of the house because john and i share alot of inside jokes and stories and know people the others don't know... and we really don't shut up.. but i did get to make him look like a total dick to sara for dumping me on valentines day and leaving me in a ball crying in the woods.. hehe.. god i am a bitch.. we were talking about stupid stories from notre dame, called seth and talked to danielle for a while.. it has been fun so far.. so umm yeah...

Mum's House :)

2009-01-04T00:47:00.003-05:00

Welcome Home.. FUCK!

2009-01-03T04:39:00.003-05:00

so, so much for hoping that this would be different.. i was met with my brother who got into a nice head on collision with a tree prior to my arriving in Fairfield.. due to the fact that he was intoxicated, with a girl driving who was so intoxicated she asked him after they had already hit the tree to stop the car. which he had tried to do, with the E-break just didn't manage to succeed in time. Drinking alcohol and smoking pot are not a good idea when driving. and get this.. i get him back in the car to go check on the girl he left behind and what is he doing? drinking Jack Daniel's in my fucking car.. i was like no fucking way throw that shit out the window i don't play these games. and he thankfully did, but not before taking a nice chug first. he hasn't learned a thing, they are just lucky they hit the tree and not the stone wall behind it. i asked him what he learned he goes nothing, i said ummm you just had a brush with death. and he doesn't care. a bloody fucking moron. damnit! why cant i be in pa? gurrrrrrr not i get to stay awake and check every few hours that he doesn't have a brain bleed. mother fucker. i hate him.

The Uncomfortable Nature of Dixon City...

2009-01-02T12:04:00.002-05:00

Last night i really wanted those damn banana pancakes, needless to say we all ran off to Denny's and i never got them while i was there.. haha.. i got the "moons over my hammy" thing... some cheese fries and orange soda lol. Half of what i got i shared with Mocha cause i always do that. but anyways, it occurred to me that i hadn't been there since i was with Johnny, which was years and years ago. and that of course sparked some unpleasant memories for me. it seems its these little places and things we forget about, are the worst for remembering things we wanted to forget. Then the conversation moved into how old we actually were. it started when we realized we were surrounded by annoying high school kids and i made some comment about respect, and realized i sounded old, mothersish and what not. and then it occurred to us how long it had been when we were in high-school, and how when we were in high-school we looked at 25-35 year olds were old and that seemed like a life time away.. which.. well. it wasn't. was quite depressing.. but amusing in some ways. we have such odd dinner conversation. then we went to walmart for a bit and then finally home. i got a new coffee pot, wanted one that turned self on :) guess thats all i have to share for now..

Necronomicon and Bad dreams

2009-01-01T09:06:00.002-05:00

I think maybe i have seen Evil Dead a few too many times.. like watching it last night after a few shots was not in my best interest. because i had quite the vivid dream that i was going with timmy to visit his mother cindy, and she wasn't very well.. and in a hospice type house which is never a good sign. for some reason my two sisters were there.. (maybe i've watched charmed a few too many times too) well cindy died i guess.. but not really because it was an illusion created by the evil forces there.. but i didn't know that in the beginning.. then somehow i ended up in some other rooms in this house, and there were evil forces lurking about.. on the stairs, in the shadows and all that what not.. and eventually we ended in the basement, and we were chanting something.. haha.. so lame.. and when i woke up for like three hours i could remember what i was chanting now i cant seem to .. but yeah these evil spirits went away when you chanted this thing... and i ended up waking up after that.. it was really really freggin weird.. and total lame 80's horror movie style.. lol.. ahhh... well.. i dunno...thats that... at least i didn't have my usual bad dream.

New Year...

2009-01-01T00:45:00.002-05:00

so.. now its a new year.. one can only hope this one is better.. so far not off to the greatest start.. i had to rewrite all the MAR papers that took me 4 hours to write yesterday, because someone moved them on me. i was livid and might have cried a little out of frustration. i felt awful all night dizzy and weak. it probably didn't help that some people decided to turn the heat up to 85. but apparently Elmhurst didn't have power so paranoia set in and Janice decided to crank it to the max. ugh. ok.. so like i had two shots maybe three of vodka when i got home.. and i am all warm and fuzzy now.. yeah.. and while i writing this.. i started feeling stupid.. did i have more? ugh.. i dunno.. think i ought to go to bed. sleepiness has kicked in.. i am a little annoyed that i can't cal Dan because my phone is dead..

Staff meetings and vomit..

2008-12-31T03:12:00.004-05:00

yes.. vomit again.. so today we have this staff meeting where its basically janice saying things to us that we did wrong (ie. writing in the visitors log in red, Chrysta using whiteout on the shift exchange.. silly things like that) and all the time janice is rambling on and on.. and on... and on... and on.. and.. you get the idea.. i was watching K out of the corner of my eye. as she was slowing making her way down the hallway to her room.. vomiting as she went.. well janice was reiterating for the 100 time the same point.. i was listening.. because you could actually hear her vomit splat on the CARPET... so i started to count how many times i heard it.. i got up to 16 before janice took a breath, and finally i say.. "ummm i'll be right back i want to bring K out here before our rug is covered with stomach acid" so i go and get her.. and she stands in the kitchen.. for about two mins (puked there too) then she starts moving back down the hallway.. and does it some more. bye the time janice was FINALLY done, she had vomited 37 times.. no freggin lie alllll the way to her bedroom. it was like she was leaving large vomit bread crumbs so she could find her way back home. it was gawd awful.. then there is that whole thing about how when i changed her, she puked on my head. *sigh* the rest of the night, we hug out in silence.. watched Swanson drunk on my laptop and had a few laughs.. but yeah.. that was my night..

Early morning phone calls...

2008-12-29T13:42:00.002-05:00

Yeah.. ok.. in hindsight that title is stupid.. it wasn't early morning.. but when you put into consideration that i didn't go to bed until 7:22am.. 1pm is rather early to me... my mother called.. asking about health insurance.. for the love of god with the health insurance.. no one wants to insure me.. i just have to wait until i can get it through work and thats that... with how many medications i am on and the health problems i have.. i am uninsurable.. people look at me and decide to say no every time. Eh, oh well.. i am just sick of looking to appease her.. my head is pounding.. i think i am gong to go make some coffee...

Banana Pancakes...

2008-12-28T11:58:00.003-05:00

*yawn* i think i could have used some more sleep.. but i never seem to get enough anymore.. i don't really feel like getting out of bed today, seems like such a hassle.. and my body apparently agrees. at least i still have another two hours till work.. so i am laying here listening to my Jack Johnson CD.. which i have been told is monotone.. which i disagree with.. i love this cd.. its relaxing.. but to each is own. although.. it is making me really want banana pancakes.. i wish i had some nanas i cant make them without nanas.. gurrr... i really need to go food shopping... i wish there was a Perkin's or Denny's near by so i could get them.. or even that i still lived in CS and i could go bother Dawn.. cause i want my nana pancakes!!! or if you knew me a year ago.. "pankcanks" thanks guys for not telling me... i am a twit.. a total twit.. why do i care so much? this is silliness i'm gonna go eat some cocopufs!

"So you Know it's okay..."

2008-12-28T04:06:00.003-05:00

Is it? is it ever? i really hate arguing, i hate it with every fiber of my being.. i don't even have a clue how that happened.. how it even got there? all i know is i am exhausted.. and now upset.. and probably won't fall asleep at all now. i don't think much makes sense anymore.. did it ever? am i just over tired? mocha is up with me.. staring at me.. gah... i don't know what i am thinking or feeling right now.. i can't make heads or tails of any of this.. lordy. i just hope dan makes it home safely tomorrow.. and i wish i wasn't such an asshole. because i really am.. i do things i don't even realize i am doing that effect people in negative ways. and since i don't realize i am doing it.. how can i fix this? probably can't.. i am domed to be an ass forever. jesus.. why am i even writing? i need to go to bed.

Ok after that downer...

2008-12-28T01:05:00.001-05:00

SPIDERS ON DRUGS!!

Warm Fuzzy Puppies and Yittle Kitties...

2008-12-28T00:00:00.003-05:00

so.. i had such a crappy day at work.. full of vomit... and i mean full.. it was EVERYWHERE!!! but.. some how when i got home i climbed right into bed.. and mocha was there waiting for me.. then she wrapped her little doggie paws around my leg and curled up next to me.. and i felt much better. there is nothing like puppies to make you fell all warm and fuzzy... i have the worlds greatest dog. she is always there for me and doesn't judge me or fight with me or make me unhappy.. all she wants to do is snuggle and love me.. and i love her soooo much!!! so i was telling dan how cute she was being.. and now i am trying to convince him to get a kitty cause he likes kitties. i was thinking about getting another puppy.. so mocha has a friend... it may be tough.. she is dog aggressive.. having been fought when she was little.. people who fight pits have no heart.. because they are the most loving breed of dog i have ever encountered..
and very prevalent in american culture.. its the stupid fucks that fight them that give them a bad wrap. so much so my mom won't even pet my pup when she comes to visit.. and it brakes my heart to see the look of sadness in my doggies eyes when people are scared of her. she is quite possibly the most non threatening dog ever. i have let her play with infants.. and know what she does? she lays on the floor and sticks her little puppy tongue out and give them small gently kisses.

I hope after all that.. people out there think.. at least a little..

and i should also mention.. its not just the dogs getting hurt.. my kitty is a rescue too.. they feed cats to the dogs to make them mean and give them a taste of blood.

Lesbian Lovers

2008-12-26T17:15:00.009-05:00

"Life is a highway... and i'm gonna ride it all night long"... whoa with the cheese... sooo Jackie and i went to Honesdale today.. and to the alpine.. we saw many exciting things.. well maybe not exciting.. but amusing to say the very least.. like the fat chick walking the highway.. i am pretty sure she could have passed for a semi.. i mean she took up more room than my car.. then we had to contend with all the morons on the road who were doing the after christmas gift exchange and shopping. I am really trying desperately to comprehend why people have to come to a complete stop before making a turn? its really quite the most obnoxious thing i have ever encountered short of the song that doesn't end. I kept wishing i had inspector gadgets car.. in fact i said "go go gadget car" out loud... (which resulted in a laughing fit on both of our parts) in hopes that my car would suddenly grow taller and i could just drive above all the assholes on the road. we reminisced about the "Great Keystone Black Out" and driving back to the college from nikkis only to find there was no power, and while i was smoking pot with tom in the sculpture studio with our oil lanterns.. jackie was trying to calm down a dumb bitch who was convinced that Armageddon was coming. she is now a little annoyed with me for not rescuing her.. oops. we had a really nice luncheon at the Alpine best food in the world.. i mean seriously. and then spent way to much money on candy and wurst... jackie was very unhappy that they were out of beef tongue.. but they did have the blood tongue (which is so worse.. like there is blood in it.. congealed in jelly.. *vomits* she tried it and almost threw up. not to mention it was pork which is a no no) we went out to nikki's house and gave my nieces their presents which was adorable.. but apparently i am inept b.c i couldn't figure out a kids toy.. though jackie had trouble getting the wings on the barbie. when jackie got out of the car.. she was slipping on the ice saying "nice" every time she slipped... so we now call ice nice... and she slipped and hit her head HARD on the ice in the driveway.. to give you an idea.. my car slipped backwards down the driveway in park, with the e-break and my foot on the break peddle...(i would also like to interject that the whole time at nikkis house she was txting seth about all the Lesbian "sex" we were having in the parking lot of the wall mart.) then we drove up to the star... looked at the town.. yeah then drove home, i was trying to charge my phone which i propped up with a tampon (the only thing i had at the time) to which jackie called it the elephant tampon and said thats like sticking an elephant in your vagina.. yeah.. so now we are going to drink some rum and make a ginger bread house, which may not work.. i mean alcohol and building things? we might as well hang little shoes on the telephone wire outside our gingerbread house and say crack heads built it. don't worry pictures will follow...

Jackie has just informed me that her head is moving... and spiny and stuff... yeah... ummm jello shots anyone?

Jonathan's Diner 9:30 am
This one speaks for it's self.. at 11 am
Da Alpine...
Lunch... mmmm
View from the star...
The abominable snow man... huh?

Work on X-Mas..

2008-12-25T11:58:00.004-05:00

It was tolerable, i cooked a yummy dinner for my patients of my grandmothers meat-loaf.. i looked all Christmased out lol.. with my little hunter green dress and red sweater. Kinda felt like Ellen Griswald on crack.. ugh.. well anyways.. J was excited allll night about Santa coming. Which was very cute, and i talked to Aunt Nancy for a bit.. which was rather awkward, she kept repeating herself, and not making any sense at all... i worry so about her. so now here i am its christmas morning.. and i would have opened my stocking by now.. and been halfway through presents.. laughing with my family. but no, i am laying in my bed all alone, just me and mocha. knowing in two hours i have to go back to work. and i am working the shift all by my lonesome. *sigh* this is such a crappy christmas. i think i am gonna go cry for a few hours.

Just found this IM from my mum... "Merry Christmas, Karin and Mike. You will be with us in spirit all day. Love, Mom." god.. i wanna go homeeeeee!!!!

It's Christmas Eve and I am doing WHAT?!?

2008-12-24T13:42:00.003-05:00

Mother fucker.. yes, that is how i am starting this entry cause i am soooo mother fucking the fact that i have to work tonight and tomorrow.. i was telling dan last night.. i would normally be having a wonderful christmas dinner with aunt nancy and uncle bill tonight.. and eating the cookies mum brought back from the cookie exchange.. then going to the pageant at church.. (which is so beautiful.. candles up and down the pews in a gothic style church.. yeah...) i'm missing out on the christmas parties and caroling.. and the 11:00 service which i usually sing with the choir.. :( and most of all i am missing curling up with my mother and father and watching christmas vacation next to the fire.. then hopping into my nice warm king sized bed with my flannel sheets and cozy down comforter while my parents keep the rouse of santa alive (lol.. yeah.. they still do the stockings and presents while we are asleep) and i get to miss this for what? hummm.. 8 mother fucking hours of work ... yes i said it again.. cause goddamnit! and get this.. i found out yesterday that on christmas day i am working 100% alone.. how much does that suck? RARSSSS!!!! well.. i guess on the bright side.. maybe i can bring some joy to the people i work for.. (ok that was my utterly feeble attempt at optimism lol) at least only two more days till Jackie gets here.. thank god. the church i was talking about at christmas :)

Well....

2008-12-24T04:49:00.003-05:00

I don't know what to say.. it was an interesting night in the very least.. lots of things happened that shouldn't have.. and i ended my night convinced Janice HATES me.. then had to fill out like 35 MAR forms.. which was craptastic.. (another me and seth word.. meaning fantastically crappy.. as in so crappy its almost fantastic.. or something he could explain it better) i tried to talk to dan but the service was pretty craptacular (common you can figure this one out) and apparently all the what whating gave him a headache.. (damnit now i am thinking about the madness of king george lol) holy hell i am squirrely tonight.. oh.. so like i got to work at 3 and ended up having to wait for 45 mins in the driveway.. that was fun.. what else? ummmmm uhhhh... ummm.... i took k to the store that sucked... and did a txt while driving that was pretty messed up but i am getting really good at keeping the vehicle on the road at the same time... which is always a good thing.. god.. i said it was interesting up there btw.. that was utter sarcasm.. my night was the most boring thing imaginable. and i have been in the tub tonight from 11:20- 4:55 so far.. and counting.. i should do a tub count cause its bordering amusing at this point.. i have successfully raisinetted myself for the night.. rars.. i think i am gonna go to bed.. hopefully not in the tub hahahaha... well.. i dunno.. thats all i suppose... i have to work tomorrow.. christmas eve.. thats craptacular too..

Schoolin'

2008-12-23T01:45:00.002-05:00

sooo today i got schooled in the ways of how to talk ghetto... Tamara educated me toady because she was really upset about how our company was dicking her out of her PTO for the holidays.. and she kept saying "des bitches be buggin" so i inquired as to the direct meaning of this term and was informed that it means they are crazy. then when her friend called she made fun of me for asking and then brought up how on my first day there she kept calling me "son" and i said something to the effect of "why are you calling me "son" do i look like a man to you?" only not quite as eloquently as that. anyways.. i also had a nice surprise nick sent me a txt today and a few messages which was a total relief (no not nick pinto) a different one.. and it really made my day.. and i had an interesting conversation with Seth over what to get his girlfriend for christmas which ended with something that would benefit both of them.. he gets her something and she gives in return something he wants when ever he wants. wow.. how vague was that? lol.. and i told jackie she should write that she is part of a very intense T&A program on her resume.. which is mildly amusing... anyways.. nothing too special happened today.. so i have nothing really interesting to write about.. scratch that.. nick was special.. and always will be.. but other than that nothing else.. so yeah..

"The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow, Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below..."

2008-12-21T15:11:00.006-05:00

huh? ok.. so i woke up to this fresh beautiful blanket of snow this morning.. omg gorgeous.. the sun was glistening off of it.. it truly is a winter wonderland out there... (seth.. yes it looks like glitter) gotta go play where's waldo with my car.. find the hybrid in the snow... in 11-14 inches of snow that is.. i love the snow.. i was hating it the other day.. but i have resolved to let all that just roll off my back.. i'll see my family as soon as i can. it was snowing in FFLD when i woke up so i know i would have run into snow there.. today we are going to shovel snow.. hang some more lights (blue and white for Jackie's Chanukah celebratin ass hahaha love you though...) and then head to the Steamtown Mall (ooh sorry head "up the mall" gotta be an authentic NEPAian) *vomits* to hit up a store that his closing.. and possibly wander boscovs.. i'll post pictures later.. gotta get back to cleaning my house and playing the its mine game with mike.. kill me... hope everyone is having a great day!

Well.. it's officially not better.. i missed a call from dan because michael wanted to fight with me.. what else is new.. and we can't come to terms on any one thing. and apparently i am supposed to be a mind reader.. which i thankfully am not.. oh and i am quite possibly the biggest bitch in the world.. and i don't care about other people and michael is my "whipping post" or whatever.. i love how i start my day optimistically.. and as per usual someone has to crash my world down around me.. i just cant win. and i am so very sick of loosing.

so in an effort to dull my melancholy attitude we went to the mall... what were we thinking? we went to my favorite store which was closing and had a 75% off sale i got tons of stuff for $25 it was pretty cool but the place looked like a hurricane went through it i mean omg! there were clothes just thrown around boxes of shoes and all that it was insane!!! then we wandered around for while and hit a few more stores i had to got to Chakra (the old sojourner of course) i found one thing i wanted there and then we went to Kaiser Oak for a bit then home.. and as usual i am exhausted lol.. probably didn't help that i shoveled snow as well lol..

"a cereal for each residence"

2008-12-20T22:03:00.004-05:00

I just told eric a story about Captain Crunch... (because he asked if fat jen's grandmother got her law degree out of a cracker jack box) apparently jen's grandmother took it upon her self to call mike's mother (and its no secret how i feel about mike's mother) and say that he isn't paying enough child support so his mother needs to make up the difference because mike is her son. all i have to say about that is wow. jen likes to send out papers around christmas from domestics telling him he is in non compliance. last christmas she had our joint bank account seized.. on christmas eve. so she got my $575.00 check which pissed me off to no end. and domestics doesn't care that it was my check. the real kicker of it was that we waited to buy Timmy's christmas presents to see what everyone else gave him.. and then couldn't get him anything in the end. she probably spent that money to go drinking too.. Victoria has been telling Michael's mother that her mom keeps coming home drunk on a nightly basis... god someone needs to call CYS not that they will do anything. poor kid. they are brainwashing her something awful. well anyways.. now it seems that Michael's mother is willing to help him get her back instead of doing the opposite and aiding Jen. The story of the Captain Crunch is that when we went to Florida to our house.. i would only eat Captain Crunch.. nothing else and that is the only place i would eat it, so when i do now it reminds me of the porch in the summer eating Captain Crunch lol.. then i told him that at the Vermont house i only ate IGA Tasty-o's apple cinnamon to be exact.. i loved those things. so he said i had a cereal for each residence we had lol...Eric then went on a rant about his friends lunacy being a virus, and that he saves too much money. He lives in a trailer, and heats only his bedroom to save money. and won't search the internet because he could get a virus on his computer, here is a direct quote "i have no time for that, everyone when we go out to dinner tries to pay, its a fight over who gets to pay not who doesn't get to pay. pettyness in a man is extremely undesirable, he is so set in his ways!" *sigh* always comes back to money with eric. he is so closed minded. its deplorable. oh and the best was "you save money changing your oil but are you really saving money when the car falls on top of you?" he seems to think that the car will most defiantly fall on top of the person changing the oil. mmm god love what if's!!!!! he believes that the places he goes puts good oil in the cars he brings to cole muffler.. not for $15.00 they don't he is so effin stupid! and i forgot to mention he thinks all Germans followed Hitler... huh? what.. and that every german he knows can't manage money.. (can't begin to tell you how offended i am..) all germans take everything to an extreme.. uh huh.. sure Eric.. well anyways.. i am exhausted.. emotionally, physically and mentally drained.. so i bid you all goodnight.

I am so dumb...

2008-12-20T14:25:00.002-05:00

Even after having said all that.. and being so upset about what he said.. for some reason i feel bad that i didn't leave last night.. like i should appoligize even though i was told i did nothing wrong.. and appoligize to a guy that doesn't even care one ioda about my emotions.. and yet some how i care about his.. what in the hell is wrong with me.. i have got to be the most pathetic individual in the world.. and the worst of it is i have lots of choice words i want to say.. about how i am so pissed off and hurt and that i think he sould be a little bit more compassionate.. and all that shit.. but i know ill never say them.. and now.. of course my mac books are all shot to hell.. they won't start.. and i have to reload OSX onto them.. and i don't have a dick of a clue where the discs are.. probably in the shead of death with the boxes of doom.. hopefully one will fall on my head and put me out of my misery.

Why can't anything in my life go right?

2008-12-20T08:25:00.004-05:00

Have i not dealt with enough this year? I mean damnit god have you not broken me down for your amusement a fair amount of times? this is just one little tiny thing that i asked for that meant the whole world to me.. i just wanted to see my family... i just wanted to be with aunt nancy and to make my mother happy... now i am stuck here because of snow.. and i am working on christmas.. i guess i am not deserving of christmas with my family. and i am just left to wonder what did i do that was so terrible? god.. life has just become such a hard thing to fake, and i am really getting sick of trying and having a negative end result.

so then i went back to bed after this.. and woke up to "why are we not in the car?" to which i explained that dad said the roads were treacherous there and didn't want us to leave so i didn't wake you up. and i of course started crying because i am so upset about not being able to leave. and i get "why are you crying? we should have left last night when i said we should have i wanted to leave this state too" to which i replied, "leaving the state and seeing your family for christmas are two totally different things, you don't even like my family." i get back well.. "i like your dad" great.. yeah.. so its really the same fucking thing. i seriously hate my life. i can't do the things that make me happy and the people around me have to make me feel bad about it and make me think its my fault, even janice said last night "it depends on how determined you are i drove to NC in a worse snow storm took me 12 hours but i did it" and here i am thinking.. i could barely handle my 30 min trip home yesterday and wanted out of that car so fast.. how in the hell am i going to make it on a 6 hour trip? he acts like i didn't want to go enough, all i want to do is see my mom and dad and aunt nancy very badly.. and possibly aunti em.. but.. it didn't work out that way. does he not think i feel bad enough that he had to make me feel worse? like i did this to myself.. what happened to compassion and understanding? guess it went out the window.. so much for the spirit of the holiday, if there ever was such a thing. i hate christmas. i always have. its been a wicked time for me for the last few years.. i was determined to change that trend this year.. and i failed. this christmas sucks too... fuck everything.

Freggin Snow!!!!!

2008-12-19T18:45:00.002-05:00

well.. today was just magical.. i went to St. Joseph's main center.. got there for 9.. not one bit of snow on the ground not even a flurry in the air i go into the conference room.. i am there for maybe 30 mins TOPS and i look outside and see HUGE flakes falling from the sky and like 1/2 inch already accumulated... i then did a "WTF?!?! WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM!?!" and we stayed there until like 10:15... then left.. i drove around aimlessly looking for a road to 81 that didn't go down hill.. which is impossible in scranton.. this is after i skidded to a stop going 2 mph, yes i said two miles per hour. so that should give some indication as to how awful the roads actually were. finally i got so fed up with trying to find a road that didn't go down hill i gave up.. i drove around the back of St. Joe's and went down by Marywood and up to 84.. fishtailing the WHOLE time.. barely making it up some of the hills.. i finally hit the highway.. and decide no freggin way i throw on the 4ways and drive 5 mph because PenDot decided to slack off AGAIN.. this is no surprise.. even people who no longer live here agree with me. i passed like 3 cars slammed into the cement barriers.. and numerous cops and other emergency vehicles.. only adding to my ever growing hysteria and terror... (flashing back to our one fateful snow storm... jackie you know what i am talking about.. even though yes.. your car looked way worse than mine the month after that, fucking Caregivers.. get the tank) well anyways.. i get to 435 also not plowed.. also had cars sliding all over the place. by the time i got to my house i was shaking and crying like a little bitch. i tried to get up the driveway.. no such luck.. so i stuck the car in park, pulled the e-break, and had my foot on the break peddle.. and the freggin thing still slid down to 435 where the cars were whizzing past.. so i had a mini panic attack and michael got really annoyed with me, then after some harsh words finally came and moved my car. i just couldn't bare to be sitting in it any longer. then i went inside and warmed up a bit, and called Janice to tell her i might be late because i was going to have michael drive me in and we need to clear the driveway to get his car out. to which she replies "you are due here at 12" yeah.. well.. ill get there when i get there. i ain't about to go dying for this shit. so we began the evil trek to Goldsboro. made it in one piece, and then i stayed for my shift.. stressful as it was. and mike took me home. i am really unbelievably bummed about the snow right now (i know, yeah yeah sign of the apocalypse) i wanted to go home and see my family tonight.. by daddy told me not to do it. and i listen to my daddy. *sigh* we are going to try for tomorrow daddy is gonna call at 8am and check the roads by him.. see what happens. *fingers crossed*

What can i say?

2008-12-18T18:10:00.002-05:00

I am exhausted.. still.. i still insist on staying up late like a total ass.. rar.. someone smack me.. well.. today proved to be interesting.. we had the most riveting inservice on behavior issues and dealing with them.. ugh.. but the woman at least had an EXCELLENT sense of humor.. and low and behold.. of course from Clinton, CT... so i of course mention Old Lyme and Rodgers Lake.. and she of course.. used to teach swimming there back in the day.. (really i am no longer surprised by these sorts of things any more) well.. anyways.. during this intriguing discussion i respectfully appeared interested and gave input as necessary and asked questions i knew the answers to to appear interested.. well i guess this made alot of difference to her.. she asked me after the inservice if i wanted to work for her company instead (the pay is twice as much.. and there is a union) wow.. so i talked to her for awhile... that was pretty flattering.. lol then i drug my tired ass back home and we drove up to the Alpine .. again... and got some things.. now i am home.. i have work to get done.. so yeah.. guess thats all...

Only I can...

2008-12-17T11:56:00.003-05:00

Well another rousing morning that started at 8 am.. it snowed last night about an inch.. then it iced about an inch.. then it rained.. making for some fun driving conditions.. lots of people were missing from the group today.. not that they missed much.. but they did miss the RIVETING video on Hand-washing Technique.. yes.. i really did just say that... has some deeply disturbed and angry looking nurse straight out of the 70's showing people how to wash their hands.. i mean really now.. but it is statistically proven that only half the people really know how. (this too is deeply disturbing.. but then again... people don't usually incorporate Universal Precautions into their daily life) well... i got to the main center.. and parked my car.. when i put it in park it lunged forward.. and pop.. right over the ledge.. so we all pushed it out.. cause the ice wouldn't allow the tires to get any traction.. and i did this after having a hep B vaccination.. which.. really hurts.. well.. me it does.. some people get lucky on that one. so i was made fun of by Mikey (no not the mike here a different one) for an upwards of 15 mins.. but, the car was freed so it was worth it.. now i am hanging out before i have to run off to work...

and to add to the only i can.. only i can take the company van.. and drive it through the drive through and possibly scratch the running board on the curb.. i heard something.. but can't see any damage.. Tamara can't either so that is a good sign.. maybe i am just crazy? but.. i swear.. i am not used to driving something that is so wide in such a contained space.. i am exhausted.. almost drunk with exhaustion.. like omg..

Khai.. posted it just for you <3

2008-12-17T11:30:00.000-05:00

You have probably seen this game before, but if not the rules are simple: copy my questions and answers, replace my answers with yours, and either post on your blog or in comments.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Not a clue
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
This morning
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
yes
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Braunswager
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
did
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
quite possibly.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Never heard of it.. don't know the meaning of the word :p
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS
Yes
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
ohhh undecided
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
CTC
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
hippies don't wear shoes
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Its a draw between Timothy's in Black Rock, CT where we have our "best friends ice cream" which is cookies and cream with reces peanut butter cups mixed in.. and Riche's Dairy in Redding CT where i get the mint oreo.. mmmm... all homemade ice cream... but i not suppoed ta eat it...
13. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
i don't make judgments or notice anything until i get to know a person.
14. RED OR PINK?
with out a doubt pink
15. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
it's also my favorite thing about myself...
16. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Dan first then Amanda
17. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
not..
18. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
vegetarian lasagna
20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The movie "A little Sex" (no not a porn or anything.. its a real movie.. and a pretty god one at that.. check Hulu.com they have it there...)
21. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Cerulean blue
22. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Green tea
22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Eric
23. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Baseball and european foot ball
24. Hair Color?
red (currently anyways.. ya'll know that is subject to change)
25. EYE COLOR?
hazle
26. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No should i? shit.. *squints* ohhh there you are....
27. FAVORITE FOOD?
German hands down.. but.. one thing.. it's all about Salmon.. and Eggplant Casserole
28. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
horror movie fanatic, know anyone that owns the box set of Sleep Away Camp? yeah.. i didn't think so.
29. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Currently watching "A Little Sex"
30. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
not
31. SUMMER OR WINTER?
winter
32. Hugs or kisses?
Both.
33. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte
34. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Idiot Girls Action Adventure Guide
35. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Don't have one
36. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Don't have one
37. FAVORITE SOUND?
snow its silent
38. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
yes
39. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Uhh... India?
40. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
*snickers* possibly

Today..

2008-12-16T23:37:00.002-05:00

So i woke up this morning at 8 am.. those of you who know me really well.. know that i am an utter cunt in the wee hours of the am.. but i had to go to the inservice.. *vomits* it was alright.. then i rushed back up to moscow.. and ran in my house to say hi to my puppers and talk to dan for a bit.. and rushed out to Goldsboro to meet janice.. after all that jazz was over with i and my unlucky ass got to do the pick up for the day.. i hate that damn van.. i hate hate hate it.. i also brought it to the car wash.. which i should say i have never ever been to one of those things where they like have the machines.. i always just wash my car myself.. it was pretty weird.. and a little freaky.. (i know.. i am odd that i have never done that before but they say those things scratch your car) well after this i got to go on a long ass trip to Idle Hour Lanes in Dixon City.. the crappy place i first met Johnny on that fateful night where i wish i had had the flu or something. i honestly thought it was gonna be a bit emotional since i haven't been there since then and we used to go all the time. but i was so engrossed in j and him having fun that i didn't really notice.. they have this nifty thing for them where its like a ramp and they just have to roll the ball down the thing to bowl.. instead of lifting the ball and what not... there was a huge group of people.. and he really enjoyed himself... and we sung christmas songs the whole way back as it was snowing.. i am utterly beat.. and have been in the tub since 7 pm.. and am now heading to bed... night everyone!

Something..

2008-12-15T14:03:00.001-05:00

so last night as i was falling asleep.. i had something interesting to say.. had it all planned out in my head.. and i forgot it.. so i have nothing good to say.. ugh