damn.. i had my tooth ripped out yesterday! not fun.. think the stitches are falling out. trying no to eat a lot or take my pain pills.. they aren't any fun. i don't enjoy not knowing what i am doing.. and sleeping all day is a waste of life. but then again, i don't bleed as much when i am asleep or just laying down for that matter.. i painted four pictures today though... that was nice. i am not sure what to do with myself with this empty house!! did i tell you. no.. i didn't in light of dick head i now have a gorgeous house!!!! i love it here.. it was such a good find away in the country on an acre of land, it has built in gardens and a river and raspberry bushes, and blueberry bushes.. and black berries.. and a lake for fishing just over the train tracks!!! woot! and guess what the oven even works and it has a dishwasher...... here are some picures...


Feeling some type of way.

When n came up here i thought it was going to be fun. i didn't for a second think that my friend of fourteen years would drag my son into the basement and tie him up and make a video of it. i didn't think that i would loose my son to children and youth, i didn't think that i would have cops in and out of my house. i didn't think that he would cause me to get evicted. i miss my baby. no one will tell me anything. no one can believe what happened. i especially cant. in my own home. while i was asleep. i feel like i am a terrible mother. i just didn't know. now my whole world is crashing down around me. he is in jail where he belongs. but every time i leave the house i have to look at his fucking car. and it makes me cry. every time i wake up i go look for t and he isn't here. i even thought i heard him crashing in the door like he all ways does.. i didn't. he is gone. and i don't know if i can ever get him back. mike and i spend every night crying our selves to sleep and all my asshole fucking friends tell me you have to get to know the people you hang out with. well fuck them i knew him for fucking fourteen years!!! is that not enough. what's the lesson learned? you cant trust anyone not even the people you think you can. a petafile is lurking in the darkness waiting to hurt you and your children. i just want my life back. i just want to know that i will have a safe home tomorow. i dont have that. fuck everyone.