The Karin and Jackie saga continues...

Today we made a pilgrimage to Honesdale... and to the Alpine .. again.. and got more KINDER!!! Jackie decided she always wanted to ingest the tongue of a cow.. which i do have to say german or not.. thats a bit too much for me.. but the brave girl ate the cow tongue right there in the store. (she wants to make a cow tongue sammich *vomits*) ha! the roads were a bit icky.. with all the snow and ice and rain we have been getting.. on the way up de discussed the utter lack of continuity between Lesbians and the use of fake phalluses. It seems, to defeat the whole point at least to us.. (there is a little more to this story we both choose to leave out) We decided to throw george a surprise birthday party because his family flaked on him.. (Stupid Carrone.. she didn't even show up to her father's house for his birthday.. he was so very sad, so i tried my very best to make up for it) he seemed happy i got him a Kinder Surprise egg, he played with the toy in it for about 20 mins it was really cute.. and some Milka 'cause he loves his chocolate and some licorice, he was happy about that. So Jackie and I baked him a chocolate cake with chocolate icing.. and made beef stew.. (gonna put that on the recipe page soon so look for it if you want) mmmm... but before all that we put the christmas tree up.. (I made some comment to the effect of "common jew girl help me make this tree pretty.." so the made an attempt to throw me into it.. actually thats kind of a complement *giggle* it resulted in both of us falling over and laughing for quite a while.. and a lucky person got to hear all that hahaha.. sorry..) with white and colored lights this year... and blue and white balls *giggle* everything allllll damn day was a constant sexual reference.. i think it was a disease that even dan caught after a while.. which was kind of surprising haha.. i blame jackie.. We also talked to Dannie and Eagle for a while.. and discussed what it means to be article 15'd.. (another long story) There was also this odd time when outside there was this sound like someone was trying to get into the house or something so Jackie sat there with Walther pointed at the door.. rather amusing.. I kind of pity anyone that decided to come over if they had.. haha So then as the night seemed to be winding down and i was enjoying my glass of White Zinfandel on the couch.. some see you next tuesday pulled a Cami (yes this is now a term for me.. its like "Munsoned".. lmao) on Jackie.. so she got drunk! i think she pounded them on the way home from the bar that she walked to haha.. (i have just been told that that was the case and apparently it was rather difficult due to the cars whizzing by and the state trooper that passed her on the road oops) drunken angry people with guns (run and hide.. no really hide) then we made Sicker-doodles.. and the are yummy.. very yummy.. (of course someone didn't read the directions correctly and the sugar and cinnamon wasn't supposed to in the mix oops.. they were still good) *giggle*




Jackie With Walther pointed at the door hehe















George blowing out his candles :)

Jackie and Karin in Montrose..

let me preface this by saying i'm not sure how i am going to tell this story and still have it sound in anyway intellectual, or for that mater have it make sense... but i will do my damnedest.. because we even took notes so as not to forget the important parts... looking at them now my reaction is more WTF? than anything.. but eh.. its me and Jackie.. and well.. we rarely if ever make any sense when we are together.. think thats half the fun. on the way up as tired as we were we stopped at the D and D.. (which we renamed double d... and then decided that we are now going to refer to as Big Tits..) and made our own club.. STP (which stands for the Sleep Depravation Club.. yes.. we realize of course that the letters don't really match that acronym but that's the point.. we were fucking tired.)Jackie also was explaining how she was leaving her "suction cup toothbrush" at my house.. and how its a cool toothbrush because it will stick to the sink.. ut oh.. things are getting serious now *giggle* she's moving in.. hahah... we made a few trips through town for various things.. once to go to the shootin' range *giggle* mmmmm... her new .45 made me very happy.. jackie is now officially deaf thanks to her BSA lightweight 30-6 high powered rifle.. another time was for smokes... then for McDonalds (a little MI in a bag *giggle*)... then to Don Lockhearts for gas... each time passing the holsome bread sign... and commenting on the "Ho, Ho, Holesome!" slogan (yeah, santa was on the sign) this now sounds boring as hell... but it amused us.. it's a very small town, if you blink while driving through it you may miss it. Dave Newton was there all set up for monday.. huntin! Woot! haha.. riiiggghhhhtt... had his tent in the woods, and a huntin' shack he built, he and my father were burning things they took from the barn.. things that i'm pretty sure really weren't healthy to burn but since when do you ever hear of a hick that really cares? but i am guessing by the plume of THICK black smoke billowing off of the bonfire.. my dad was contributing to the depletion of the ozone layer.. egged on by dave.. we wandered the tree farm for a while looking for a christmas tree.. and boy i'll tell you slim pickens this year.. i really gotta start getting up and trimming them during the summer.. my father didn't even find one he liked. i got lucky i guess, so he put out his official verbal notice telling me that he was buying a fake tree, and that i had almost a month to get over it before i came home for the holidays. *sob* Gramps is probably turning in his grave... at least i didn't give up i have a real tree.. blue spruce even.. and i loveeee them.. it's purrrddy...so jackie and i then wandered the farm and discussed food names for our lovers? and sexual parts.. hah! Er i'm sorry as per the txt message Jackie sent to my phone.. it was food names for our "boo's" in fact the actual txt reads "food names when referring to ones "boo" we were kinda in the middle of the wood.. lacking the pen and paper list.. so she txted it to me just to be sure we didn't forget. after that a viscous snowball fight ensued.. of course it was mostly me and Jackie pinging mike in the back of his bald head with snowballs.. that had to suck.. he even got a nice chunk of snow down his back.. ok maybe it was more ice.. and of course since i did that i brought Michael's snow wrath upon jackie.. because he didn't realize it was me that had nailed him.. (i am secretly 007 but shhh.. but don't tell anyone..) oh.. so then we went to visit Uncle Donny... he had just gotten out of the hospital twenty minutes prior.. with chest pain.. he's fine.. jackie fell asleep on his couch while we were discussing the depressing family feud over Uncle Joe's farm.. i told him she was at work all night.. she wasn't.. she was playing hanky panky with her significant other.. and got no sleep.. so now she keeps telling me she wants to go back to work.. hahah....ok i want to share this line of dialogue "give me your keys.." "um well there's mikes keys" "mikes keys go to your car?" "yeah, he does have both sets of keys.." "yeah umm.. well i have a gun..." (wtf? hahah might have had to have been there... i'm pretty sure the gun comment was directed more at the fact that mike had my keys than anything else *giggle*) well.. more about the adventures of Karin and Jackie later.. wonder what today will bring.. i still haven't had my coffee yet .. lol..

The Tussin..

ok.. so like seth and i were talking about the dumb things we used to do.. and he just described LMAO "robo-tripping" like this "omg i loved that. powerhouse a bottle then lay back with some trippy tunes.... the first time i did it i felt like i melted into the bed, and was a new-wave Alice in wonderland... i was chasing a rabbit with a tussin stain on his chin" i seriously felt the need to share this due to the hilarious mental picture it produces. or the ever wonderful " i have never seen puff the magik dragon" when discussing wither or not marijuana produces a hallucinogenic effect on a person. it seems someone was told that it does.. and this some one was misinformed.. sadly so. yea for the media! i soo love propaganda. Tobacco accounts for 440,000 deaths a year in this country. (yet it's still legal) And alcohol accounts for roughly 50,000 deaths a year. (yet this is still legal.. and easily available) Meanwhile there's never been a person in the history of mankind that's died from an overdose of marijuana. It is just not toxic enough. If it were made legal or decriminalized we would find that there were fewer victimless criminals clogging our prisons and wasting taxpayer money for recreationally smoking a little pot. Sticking a "first offender" in jail only creates more financial strain on the taxpayers, and needlessly.. its not like the streets are safer because some doper is in jail.. no.. just means there will be more Doritos in the store for you to buy. The courts, police, and lawyers would have time to deal with REAL crime. We would take away, if not slow down, the huge black market profits the drug kingpins are making. We would be able to ease some poor person's suffering.(and this is something i really stand for.. ) We could seriously reduce the transmission of HIV and Hepatitis. We could control the quality and dosages so fewer people would get sick through contamination and overdose.

and on that note.. i also have to share Sethisms... "phantasmagorikal:" only used when something is so astoundingly amazing that there are few other experiences to match it, not to be confused with "fantabulous" which is one step above fantastic and fabulous
*sigh* my friends are soo very strange! lol

As the world turns (hah! soap opera *vomits*)

The world just keeps turning.. how many times have i heard this, this week? probably far too many.. seems to be a typical response, no matter what is happing... apparently i don't get this concept? or people don't think i do. maybe i don't? sometimes anyways, i think i do... you have to press on.. how hard is that to grasp? but that's not always the easiest thing to do. and that's when you make bad decisions, decisions that hurt the people you love dearly.. (you know who you are and i'm still sorry) selfishness is an ugly thing.. something that really isn't who i am.. anyways.. Michael came back.. i have nothing much to say on this topic as i am utterly indifferent to it, i don't particularly care at this point.. wait.. that was kind of redundant.. well anyways.. i have to be selfish for a while i think.. focus on getting myself strong again.. getting back on track and ignore all the other crap that surrounds me.. stop trying to help everyone else for a little while.. which i don't want to do.. but it seems to have come down to survival of the fittest at this point.. god.. rambling again.. will someone gag me? damn.

Dienen - Ich + Ich (why am i sooo obsessed?)

Du sagst, Du beugst Deine Knie vor Niemand

Du sagst, dass Dich Niemand bestimmt

Du sagst, Du bewegst Deinen Arsch für Niemand

Und dass Niemand Dir was nimmt

Du sagst, Du verschenkst Deine Zeit an Niemand

Und das Du auf Niemand schwörst

Du sagst Deine Liebe bekommt Niemand

Das Du Niemand gehörst



Du wirst irgendwann jemandem dienen

Jemand der weicher ist und zarter als Du

Du wirst irgendwann jemandem dienen

Jemand der weiser ist und stärker als Du



Ich weiß, Du bist der Sklave von Niemand

Und dass Dich Niemand regiert

Du bist der Affe von Niemand

Weil Niemand Dich dressiert

Du bist nur Dreck für Niemand

Weil Deine Liebe Niemand heißt

Du musst Dich trennen von Niemand

Weil Niemand auf Dich scheißt



Dein armes krankes Herz wir in Liebe getränkt sein

Jede Herrlichkeit auf Erden wird auch Dir geschenkt sein

Jemand liebt Dich



[Refrain:]



Auch Du wirst irgendwann jemandem dienen

Jemand der weicher ist und zarter als Du

Du wirst irgendwann jemandem dienen

Jemand der weiser ist und stärker als Du



Auch Du wirst irgendwann jemandem dienen

Jemand der weicher ist und zarter noch als Du

Du wirst irgendwann jemandem dienen

Jemand der weiser ist und stärker noch als Du



Dein armes krankes Herz wird in Liebe getränkt sein

Jede Herrlichkeit auf Erden wird auch Dir geschenkt sein

Sieh die Wunder und die Zeichen sind schon geschehen

Jemand liebt Dich und wird an Deiner Seite gehen



[Refrain:]



Auch Du wirst irgendwann jemandem dienen

Jemand der weicher ist und zarter noch als Du

Du wirst irgendwann jemandem dienen

Jemand der weiser ist und stärker noch als Du



Jemand liebt Dich

Jemand liebt Dich und wird an Deiner Seite gehen

Jemand liebt Dich und wird an Deiner Seite gehen



Dienen..

Ich möchte so schlecht in den Armen der Liebe sicher sein…

Thanksgiving...

Well I made it to my family's and back.. it was nice seeing them they were very kind and understanding and did everything to try and cheer me up.. I still never heard a word from mike, go figure, my mother sent him a txt that said something to the effect of "i wish you had made your plans earlier so i could have seen my daughter for thanksgiving" he didn't answer her either. I guess I have to start learning to be alone. *sigh* It's always the holidays that suck.. or so it seems.. well... i am gong to lay down.. i have had about enough of this day.. and this life.

Curious...

I wonder... still no word from Mike.. I wonder if he is coming back.. maybe he doesn't plan on it? not one txt.. not one phone call? It's just interesting... as Eric just said... think the writing is on the wall... hummm.. and a happy fucking thanksgiving to you too! HA! *sigh*

Things i am most thankful for..

It's the times when things seem their worst that we are reminded of the good in people, sometimes people we hardly know, and I and thankful that I have friends with warm hearts. That make every attempt to make you feel better when you are at your lowest, who are understanding and know just what to say. Therefore restoring some of my faith in humanity. No matter where or with whom I spend my holiday I know that there are people spending it with me in their hearts, and that counts for so much. Thank you all for all you do!

God i am hurting..

Michael just left for his mothers... left on the worst of terms.. with the coldness of hate.. with words that stung and pierced right through me.. i should never have stayed.. as much at my family can be hard to swallow in ct at least it would be better than this.. i want to be with my aunt nancy anyways.. she's only getting worse i just talked to my father earlier.. and he told me like it was no sugar coating.. that she is not going to get better.. i just want to be there.. i want to be with her.. or something... hell i don't know what i want.. i just know this is not it... i can't take the cold words the loneliness.. this is just not right.. this life is not what i wanted.. not what i asked for.. not what i dreamed about.. maybe i did something to deserve all this.. for the people i hurt in my life.. its all coming back on me and 10 fold.. god..

Blah..

So .. today like yesterday.. i get to fill out more forms.. *sarcastic yippee* i wake up to my mother telling me i need to do this right now, and that it is so imperative that i do it right now, that i can't even take a ten min shower. *groan* fine.. so i roll over half dead.. still haven't even opened my eyes completely yet.. haven't had my damn coffee yet and get started filling out mooooree forms... aarrggh ... these people want your blood too i am convinced of it.. i think they actually sit there and come up with the most obnoxious questions to ask of you.. just to deter you for wanting health insurance. now i am listening to eric telling me that "cars no-longer have soul like the fire breathing cars of yore" and that "they are faceless transportation devices.." *sigh* eric.. god love the man. "cars had personality they had character, that's what makes car hobbyists tick! nobody lusts after having a Toyota, no kid has pictures of a Toyota on their walls! no! they have heart machines! That's what we call them, because they had heart!" i think eric is mourning the car market.. it sure sounds that way.. i don't really get into cars that much.. my little "faceless" honda civic hybrid makes me very happy.. and i think its purdy :) well, i can feel a nice migraine coming on from all this stupid paper work.. not to mention.. worrying about dan.. (he's driving in the snow for the first time today *shudder* and we all know how i do in the snow and i've been driving alot longer) he left begrudgingly to visit his family today.. i am going to just go to Mehoopany tomorrow at two for thanksgiving dinner and then home again.. Michael will be in Wilks-Barre.. (hehe.. let him deal with his bitch of a mom) i am actually kind of excited to see the Overfield/Olin clan tomorrow, it's unfortunate Lloyd won't be there, i just hope tiffany and joe are. of course before dan left i forgot to get that recipe off of him that i gave him to hold on to.. so i may have to suck it up and call my mother again and admit defeat hehe and i have to remember to get the little presents for the grab bag.. so much to do.. and i am so tired yet.. maybe some coffee.. or something? well.. back to theses horrid forms!

Things....

Soooooo.. what a day.. filling out forms.. lots and lots and lots of forms for health insurance.. wOOt ... yeah not.. i am EXHAUSTED! but i got to listen to oz all day which was a treat.. i hope everyone will tune into him on tuesdays.. it's totally worth it.. and to think he doesn't get paid for that! it snowed all day today.. it was beautiful.. gigantic flakes, and they were falling very slowly so it was just a winter wonderland out there.. no, no pictures or movies of it today.. my weather obsession did not get the best of me today.. paper work did.. i had to list every damn pill i have been prescribed in the last 5 years.. omg did that take forever! talk about frustrating... but.. the money saving end result makes it worth while. so the stupid gas co came today too.. and of course.. guess who didn't get gas? hehe.. me.. fuck. they are coming back tomorrow at 9am.. so i have to run to the bank tonight at some point.. thank god for ATM's cause i am probably going to make one of my famous 4 am trips to Scranton.. ew.. Scranton.. *vomits* i need to switch banks.. for real.. and i gotta run to Wall-greens and get this prescription business straightened out.. which is thankfully next to my bank and 24 hours... so.. list of things to do tonight.. for now.. i think its nappy time.. i didn't get more than 3-4 hours sleep sooooo im beat.. *passes out*

Jamie Osler..

okay.. sooo oz shared this with me.. he's got this kicking college radio show... anyone interested its alot like wccc.. for you Marvians.. *giggle* here's the link... 91.5 The Impulse Oz is on from 4-6 on tuesdays.. but as i am informed.. due to the vacation he's on early today..

I've been listening for a while and it's way better than anything "the stone" ever put out.. (sorry chris, its true oz knows where its at!) not to mention.. his excellent sense of humor.. Oz your still crazy.. just so you know.. but anyone that plays Danzig and Fear Factory is A-Ok in my book! (haha twice even!) LMFAO!!!!

Jackie at 9am..

Jackie sent me this at 9 am... here is the site.. (i'll hyper link it later when i am awake) but damn.. 9 am on no sleep?? i did pretty good *proudly smiles* haha ok retarded.. see how you can do..


americancivicliteracy.org


(hehe you can click it now :) :) )
You answered 27 out of 33 correctly — 81.82 %

Average score for this quiz during November: 78.1%
Average score: 78.1%

Tom and Jerry..

It's official.. i am sooo addicted... i love my Tom and Jerry... i really really can't get enough of it.. not even close.. here is my favorite episode...



i hope you like :)

Love..

I've come to understand something over time.. love is a very arduous thing.. well.. not the loving part.. that's the painless part.. the part that makes it hard is loosing the things we love... but in order to love something, you must be able to let it go. i have been forced to do quite a bit of letting go this year... too much letting go.. more than one human soul should be expected to endure.. i walk heavy hearted though this world of despondency.. and try to hold my head high.. praying to something, anything to give me a small glimmer of promise.. when will i find my utopia? i keep thinking i have finally found what i am looking for.. then i stumble and fall all over again.. it's like a malevolent joke played only on me.. my mind is immersed with memories of things past.. leaving me to long for things i can not have... making a mockery of the things i now do.. but where would i be without love? it seems the only pure emotion i am capable of.. i have nothing but love for everything of this world... this is both my greatest strength and my greatest weakness.. and it causes me the greatest amount of pain.. of course.. in my life i have one love, that causes only happiness, and seems to outweigh the bad in everything, a love so strong it would seem nothing can break it.. a love that completes me and makes me feel whole, reminds me of who i am and why i am blessed enough to be alive. every single day i remain thankful for this undying and unyielding grace that i do not deserve, but have been given. and i wonder and revel in its awesomeness.. and hope to everything holy i will have it till my dying day...

More CYS BS! (really.. when? when is it gonna end?!?)

this never ending cycle of shit really needs to stop.. i didn't go into this saying, i want a foster child! i did this because i saw a child in need of a place to go.. i saw a child in need of a loving home.. when his own family wouldn't even step up and give a shit and i gave that child all the love and care i could. and as usual.. with out fail.. somehow.. my good deeds never go unpunished.. i got yet another ridiculous phone call today from little t.. this time magically enough its about his things again.. no surprise there.. "i had court today.. they said this is my last phone call to you" i respond accordingly with "why?" and get this "because they want you to bring my stuff to me.. you have had four months to do it.. and so on.." ok.. so.. wtf? not one call from CYS to me? not one?!? and these pompous arrogant shit heads have him tell me again. best part, they tell him that someone called.. dude.. utter shit! utter and complete shit! i am home alll day.. i have not missed one fucking phone call.. they have my cell phone number.. not one voice mail or missed call there either! i really tried to give them the benefit of the doubt.. but why bother? save the fact that i didn't know they still wanted his things due to the fact that last i had fucking heard he was coming back to my house?!? guess that went out the goddamn window! way to step up to the plate and have the balls to tell me! they came saw my home.. tested my water, gave me false hope, then trampled all over my dreams. you know i cried tears of joy when then told me he was coming home? i bawled my eyes out for an hour straight! why don't they just take the broken pieces of my heart? apparently i don't need it. i loved that child as my own.. it didn't matter that he wasn't.. i was prepared to give him everything. they have stripped me of every last shred of dignity i had left. it figures though they are all the same bunch of government bureaucrats thinking they know everything and can walk all over people from their high places of power, not stopping for one second to consider how their actions effect the people they so offhandedly discard. for the love of god come get the damn stuff! take it from my freggin home so i can wash my hands of this whole fucked up thing! i am so fucking wholly sick and goddamn tired of it! it's no wonder so many families get torn apart.. if CYS would do it's goddamn job and stop fucking with the wrong people and start worrying about the right ones maybe this world would be better. maybe less children would be being beaten to death by the parents CYS lets have children. and you know what? FUCK NICK!!! I FUCKING HATE HIM!!! i would not be in this fucking boat if it wasn't for him! everything would be goddamn fine!!! but hindsight is 20/20.. AARRGGGGHHH!!!


** Update: IM i just received from the kid "and if u dont bring my stuff down she said she wiill try to get it cort oder" ok.. really? for real? like what the hell? a court order? are you fucking kidding me?? like i want this stuff or something? was CYS going to tell me he wasn't going to come back here? or was i going to be left to guess? i would have brought it all there if i had known!! but nooooooo no one has the fucking balls to call me.. unreal.. just unreal...

Happiness in The Form Of Sugar..

The only thing missing is the greatest person in the world to share it with....

Show and Tell.. (because i am not inventive enough for a better title)

So this is like the sweetest thing EVER!! Dan sent it to me today :) :)


And i finally... finally.. figured out how to convert those RAW files to PNG files.. 8 years later.. so i can now share the timmy and mocha cuteness :)






hehe... someone got moosed!!!!

Irritated...

So i went to the Doctors office today.. and i am so unbelievably ticked off! it too wayyyy toooo long.. usually it goes alot faster.. but noooooooooo i was there forever!!! gah! pa sucks sometimes! and of course as soon as i get out i get to listen to eric screaming about alex and how he doesn't want to drive the extra four miles to the car lot like its the end of the world. he is really really milking a heart attack! ticking time bomb.. *sigh* as Dan says.. total loss of perspective hehe.. god.. i am going to sleep i think.. screw this day!

Sleep..

Ok so i slept for an Exuberantly LOOONNGGGG amount of time last night and toady.. it was like 2am till 5pm.. with like an hour where i was away in the am... i feel a bit disoriented lol.. waking up and it's still dark out.. guess it was well needed though. I have to get up bright and early tomorrow for a Dr.'s appointment.. joyous rapture.. lol.. hopefully there won't be too much snow.. we are supposed to get more.. not that i mind.. i think i may have some sort of sick obsession with snow haha.. mocha does too.. she leaps around it it like a little puppy.. hehe.. ok.. so since i have been in such a sharing mood lately.. here is my favorite farside...

Photoshop...

So i have been on this photoshop kick.. maybe 'cause i have had nothing better to do.. but.. Dan brought up the fact.. and it is a fact that Nixon looks like The brain from pinky and the brain... sooooo ... me and photo shop had some fun.. just for Dan hehe...

Things i really love...

1. Puppies (too much even)
2. Ritz Crackers..
3. and snow...
Cause its snowing again!!!! YEA!!! and.. umm.. it looks like glitter falling from the sky.. its really really purdy.. :) :) :) :)


And Demetri Martin is funny with the glitter....

Seth..

So i recently reconnected with a buddy of mine from Notre Dame.. and i decided to be an ass 'cause i always thought that he looked like Chris Kattan...

Hehe i made a new Alain

Pandora..

sooo.. pandora brought my attention to somting i had long forgtten.. haha.. oops... yeah .. POE... used to loveee them.. here.. shareing lyrics with you all again.. soo sorry hehe ...

Control - Poe
Dont you mess with a little girls dream
cause shes liable to grow up mean

Surprised you to find that Im laughing?
You thought that youd find me in tears
You thought Id be crawling the walls
Like a tiny mosquito and trembling in fear

Well you may be king for the moment
But I am a queen understand
And Ive got your pawns and your bishops
And castles
All inside the palm of my hand

While you were looking the other way
While you had your eyes closed
While you were licking your lips
cause I was miserable
While you were selling your soul
While you were tearing a hole in me

I was taking control

Now I have taken control
Now I have taken control...

This is beginning to feel good
Watching you squirm in your shoes
A small bead of sweat on your brow
And a growl in your belly your scared to let through

You thought you could keep me from loving
You thought you could feed on my soul
But while you were busy destroying my life
What was half in me has become whole

While you were looking the other way
While you had your eyes closed
While you were licking your lips
cause I was miserable
While you were selling your soul
While you were tearing a hole in me

I was taking control

Now I have taken control
Now I have taken control...

So this is how it feels
To breath in the summer air
The feel the sand between my toes
And love inside my ear
All those things that you taught me to fear
Ive got them in my garden now
And your not welcome here

Come a little bit closer
Let me look at you
I gave you the benefit
Of the doubt its true
But keep in mind my darling
Not every saint is a fool

While you were looking the other way
While you had your eyes closed
While you were licking your lips
cause I was miserable
While you were selling your soul
While you were tearing a hole in me

I was taking control

Now I have taken control
Now I have taken control...

Dont you mess with me

Father: there has to be more to life than this, because in our
Confrontation with a cold cold universe, there is something comical
To the idea that we can really impose our will on humanity-- power corrupts!

Daughter :
This is scaring me

Father and daughter 2:

Daughter : ...i live at the end of a 5 and 1/2 minute hallway

Father:
And at the end of it all lies of course the final
Phenomenon of deterioration entropy, which is a predictable
Disintegrations which the creative life ceases: everything has to fall apart.

Daughter:
Why are you always so serious? !

Thoughts..

Why is it sometimes we become utterly inundated with memories.. some we wish to forget some we never want to.. but they flood up at the strangest times... sometimes eerily calming.. sometimes even though happy, leaving a residual mournful tone on your life? (this has to be the largest run on sentence ever) I know lately i have been sharing memories with you all... possibly because there are so many things to trigger them lately. However i find myself asking why? why now? could it be the change in season? could it be my inability to reach out and the fact that maybe now i am trying? who knows... i think i need to stop being so overly analytical. i have really been trying to come to terms with the way things have gone in my life, i just don't really like having to feel.. i am so much more content to be comatose.. though this is no way to live, there is no quality of life going though the motions. eric decided last night that he thinks i gave up. sometimes i wonder myself. his inability to understand what i am feeling makes conversations quite strained. he thinks he has all the answers.. and i should have moved on by now.. i should not be feeling like this any more.. i told him let me feel how i wish.. i am still going though the motions even though they are meaningless.. he just can't leave well enough alone. its frustrating really. does he suggest my former methods worked? i think not! my way of coping was the most self destructive imaginable. now somehow i need to enact a change. which is never easy. and i hate change. i had decided the other day that i surround myself with people that are in need of help to escape my own need for help. i don't know how to reach out.. i don't know how to say that things just aren't right what do i do? i don't even know that if i were to anyone could help. i have heard nothing aside from i should not feel the way i do.. this.. is not advice.. this is not.. help.. this is not the words i need to hear.. i need comfort i need something.. i need to be away from the cold icy hearts i surround myself with.. and in the arms of love.. *sigh* i think i need to stop blabbering before i get committed.

For a Certain Someone...

You soooo know who you are ;)

Another Random Old Piece of work..

Mainly cause i have nothing interesting to say at this time.. hummm.. "smitten" that's quite a funny word.. gah.. me and words lately.. dan knows about me and the words lately.. hehe.. it's just silliness.. but at least he understands me...

Is change really all that bad? Especially when you know you'll be happier?

Müde!!!!!!!!

Gibt es nicht genügende Netzwerkanschlussweb site? Ich kann nicht glauben, dass ich andere gefunden habe. Ich gehöre Weise vielen dieser Sachen! *seufzer* I haben einen ziemlich schlechten Tag gehabt. Hatte schrecklichen Kopfschmerzen und ich kann nicht scheinen zu schlafen. Ich wünsche wirklich, dass ich könnte. Diese Nr.schlafsache wird schnell alt, und ermüdend, Haha. und ich fühle mich schlecht, erhalte ich Dan mit mir aufrecht, und ich möchte nicht den tun! so ist Leben…

Es ist erstaunlich, wie Liebe Sie am merkwürdigsten von Zeiten. findet. und doch gibt Ihnen die ganze Stärke in der Welt. schließt Sie ab und bildet das Leben wert das Leben…

Ich scheine, verärgert zu sein kürzlich. Traurig! Ich bin nicht warum wirklich sicher. Kein, das nicht zutreffend ist, weiß ich und gerade nicht teile. *Seufzer* I denken, dass möglicherweise ich schlafen sollte! ich bin sehr müde, sehr sehr müde. Ganz zu schweigen von ihm ist 6 morgens und ich bin noch wach. Wenn nur Schlaf kommen würde, würden Sie nach einer vollständigen Flasche kalter Medizin denken, dass es nicht ein Problem sein würde. Unrecht! Aaargggg!

Time to Complain...

I am really irritated by this whole gay marriage debate.. it really is quite sickening to me.. (not gay marriage that there is even a debate) it has been scientifically proven that there is a gene that causes homosexuality.. a fucking gene people... its hardwired.. hello!! so why because someone is genetically different do they need to be denied normal rights in things that people with out this gene hold sacred? If my brother wants to marry well goddamn-it he should be able to.. it's like people are looking for yet another thing to make a federal case out of.. are we really this bored? and here is freggin eric.. "oh if you let the gays get married next its going to people wanting to make love to a billy goat!" WTF?? how does billy goats and homosexuals even come close together.. apparently to him its a fine line. that attitude really pisses the shit out of me. who are we to step on another persons happiness?!!? god fuck this country. its so god damn retarded!

Danel,

Ich bin traurig, dass Leute der Notwendigkeit glauben, Ihnen zu erklären, wie man Ihr Leben lebt. Ich bin, dass diese Welt kalt und rücksichtslos ist, dieser Tag im Alter traurig, das diese Sachen nicht eine Ausgabe sein sollten. Ich liebe dich und denken Sie, dass Ihr Glück sehr wichtig ist.

MySpace..

Ok so for the reccord.. myspace in my opinion sucked.. well.. now yah.. it sucks more... i had all this fun stuff on it... it was perfect if you ask me.. then blah. . . i look today... it all go bye bye.. freggin myspace.. no wonder Facbook is so much more popular.. aarag!

WHY!?!?! WHY GOD WHY?!?

Well.. the world is going to hell.. and quickly too.. Obama won.. lord help us!!! William J. H. Boetcher said it best.. and it was noted by Ronald Reagan at the 1992 Republican Convention in Houston, Tx ..

-You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
-You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
-You cannot help little men by tearing down big men.
-You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.
-You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
-You cannot establish sound security on borrowed money.
-You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
-You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than you earn.
-You cannot build character and courage by destroying men's initiative and independence.
-And you cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they can and should do for themselves.


It seems what the Democrats fail to understand is that lowering tax rates results in increased revenue to the treasury over time
high tax rates hurt business and economy which is an irrefutable fact there is no history i know of economic or otherwise that contradicts that . . . increased taxes and regulation will stifle the economy. Compounding this problem is the strong likelihood under an Obama administration of increased government spending through ill conceived social programs and potentially disastrous policy to reform healthcare.

The republican belief system is simply that each according to his own abilities and merits should be unfettered, to as great as an extent as possible if one believes that the road to utopia is reached through rewarding thoes who do not contribute for, what ever reason, this is a guaranteed recipe for economic and social disaster it will be the seeds of socialism.

Under a socialist government.. capitol will be controlled and society will become utterly unequal.. something we have been striving to move away from. This country has lost sight.. and has gone astray.. i can only hope one day it will look upon its self through unclouded eyes and the propaganda machine will one day be destroyed, or at least ignored.