So I feel really bad for the new girl at work... she was there two days before she started hating janice, actually, the first time i saw her the first words out of her mouth were "help me" having Hitler up your butt for hours on end.. is not something i would ever want. In-fact, i don't think i could handle that at all... well anyways, i think that she is gonna try to stay at the Olyphant house, i dunno. She is a really funny girl, i think she said her husband was blind? i cant remember.. but its great, she hates janice even before i open my mouth. At least i dont have to deal with her alone any more..
Sometimes I don't understand myself, my life, or which paths I am meant to walk in life, I try to live it by doing what is fair and right, but fair and right are not always easy. And sometimes they hurt others, and myself, sometimes its saying good bye to things that up until that point you never knew existed, feelings that were so strong... You're left in awe ... and now, left to wonder... What was I thinking and where the hell did I go wrong? Can this really be it? Is this really what it's come to?!? I guess we never truly know if the decisions we make are the right ones, and some decisions that seemed right will haunt you forever, or at least me... I keep catching glimpses of "I didn't expect this" or "I don't want this" and the endless waterfall starts, not for myself, but for whom I have hurt with my words, actions, and decisions. I feel like I have made the worst decision I could have. I feel empty, I feel wrong, my life is full of these regrets, and I am left to wonder if for once in my life, will I ever do something right? Will I ever be able to make someone truly happy? Is happiness even a real thing that we strive for? Or it is imaginary like the Easter bunny or Santa Clause? I just wish I had a crystal ball.... Or a time machine, so I could take it all back, or I could know what I really did. Nothing is right in my world. Nothing.
So i took Heather and Jax to Ct, we spent the weekend at the lake house.. it was.. well an interesting time to say the VERY least, we arrived at the house around 3 am after having been angry with Jax's GPS, which ultimately was 100% accurate, though on the way i looked at the map in the CT welcome center, just to be sure, and Heather found a drunk man, a VERY drunk man.. i mean my lord did he reek!! who then hopped in his car and speed off into the night.. pretty scary, then while we were looking to see if the drunk man was anywhere near us on the road, you know, not looking to really die on the way there and all.. we notice a car on rt84 driving with no headlights, in the pitch black of night... the genius didn't realize until like 15 mins later.. at which point i sent Dan some txt saying some thing like, "drunk guy at the rest stop and some other idiot with no lights, its good to be home in ct" *rolls eyes*
I think i got a little off topic, we get to the house, and by brother greg, and this comes as no surprise, is drinking downstairs in the family room, or let me correct that, drunk, with Audrey, and John Skogg.. and doing all the dumb things one who is drunk does, he was also high as a kite, of course my mothers one stipulation for them to stay there was, no drugs of alcohol, yeah we can see he really respects her wishes.. Tony quoted it best today.. “Parents who allow their children to make 'adult' decisions, yet consistently shield them from personal responsibility and the 'adult' consequences of their actions, set their kids up for failure in life and are abusing them as surely as if they whip them daily...” – anonymous yeah.. something i wish i had the balls to send to my mother, oh well.. she wants to let greg continue to run her life thats her business. he still makes me ill. so after this, the girls and i went up to the lake room and watched the oblongs. then went to bed.
Saturday now, i wake up at 10 am, go out to the car to get everyone's clothes so we can go to Coffee's and get, you guessed it, coffee, lol.. my mother had made her AWESOME breakfast casserole.. yumm yumm.. i get out to my car and notice a nice scrape in the front bumper which also had john's car color paint chips in it, and john's car was exceptionally close to mine, not how it was parked last night, i promptly got michael up to double check because he was the one who parked my car, he agreed that he had not parked my car that close to johns. so i ran down stairs and woke john up with a smack upside his head asking him why his stupid drunk ass went driving last night? and why the fuck did he hit my car?!? and guess what? really just guess, he hadn't taken the car, my stupid ass brother did. and of course, what did he do? oh i didn't hit your car! i was like how the fuck do you think i knew you left last night?!?! good lord, yet another instance where there is no consequences for his stupid actions. i let it go because i knew everyone else wouldn't care, and wouldn't do a damn thing about it. fuck. so then we went out with my mother, mike stayed at the house to get homework done and put the dock in, well we drove to the christmas tree shop, and as soon as we pull in, there is greg on my mothers phone FREAKING out, screaming at my mother for my dad calling him out on doing something wrong, she stayed outside talking to him for 20 mins, they found his bottle of bacardi, he must think my parents are really fucking stupid because he told my mother it was an old bottle, ok.. so like why are you carrying it around? he is so infuriating!!! well finally he hung up with my mother, and she came in the store, we got tons of cool stuff, and then went to Nyantic, we wandered around the stores for a while, and hit up the book barn annex, in the city, met the cool cat frank, and talked with the owner for a while, my mother and i were telling jax and heather that we were on L.I. Sound, but you couldn't see it because it was so foggy. we walked through some more stores then walked to Skippers.. yay!! had some good food.. it was nice, New England lobster is wayyy better than PA lobster.. then went to the actual book barn jackie found a dog to play with and play she did, i got two books there and took lots of pictures, then we went back home. rested for a while and went to aunt nancy and uncle bills #2 in Old Saybrook. we had dinner there and heard about the fire that had happened on the grill prior to us arriving, the potatoes were then called mickies all night. it was fun. We got home and greg hounded poor Heather for Darvocet alll night.. asshole.
Sunday, again we woke up early and went to Coffee's, (i got up at 7 am and hung out with my dad) i got my usually spinach bagel with Lox.. mmmmmmmm and an iced coffee. i got michael one with mocha in it and started missing my puppy. So it was mothers day so i gave my mother her card, and she had invited greg to go with us to New Haven, i kinda didn't want him to, but took him anyways, he was actually pretty well behaved for most of the day, save the fact that he opened heather's car door on 95 and nearly pushed her out.. dick head. we went to the Yale Museum Of Art and wandered around town, hit up Ikea and had lunch at Claire's like wow good veggi food, then headed back to the lake and had salmon dinner with my parents, and headed home, not before jax put her head through the glass door to the house.. she wouldn't let anyone look at it.. i assume she is ok?? let hope.. so yeah.. that was our great weekend..
I am an ex-centric, artistic, empathetic and loving person. I try my best to help everyone out when I can. I am a pretty cal m person but I refuse to be walked all over. I think I can be interesting.. I hope you think so too...