It was the best of time... And now its the worst of times...

Sometimes I don't understand myself, my life, or which paths I am meant to walk in life, I try to live it by doing what is fair and right, but fair and right are not always easy. And sometimes they hurt others, and myself, sometimes its saying good bye to things that up until that point you never knew existed, feelings that were so strong... You're left in awe ... and now, left to wonder... What was I thinking and where the hell did I go wrong? Can this really be it? Is this really what it's come to?!? I guess we never truly know if the decisions we make are the right ones, and some decisions that seemed right will haunt you forever, or at least me... I keep catching glimpses of "I didn't expect this" or "I don't want this" and the endless waterfall starts, not for myself, but for whom I have hurt with my words, actions, and decisions. I feel like I have made the worst decision I could have. I feel empty, I feel wrong, my life is full of these regrets, and I am left to wonder if for once in my life, will I ever do something right? Will I ever be able to make someone truly happy? Is happiness even a real thing that we strive for? Or it is imaginary like the Easter bunny or Santa Clause? I just wish I had a crystal ball.... Or a time machine, so I could take it all back, or I could know what I really did. Nothing is right in my world. Nothing.