Staff meetings and vomit..

yes.. vomit again.. so today we have this staff meeting where its basically janice saying things to us that we did wrong (ie. writing in the visitors log in red, Chrysta using whiteout on the shift exchange.. silly things like that) and all the time janice is rambling on and on.. and on... and on... and on.. and.. you get the idea.. i was watching K out of the corner of my eye. as she was slowing making her way down the hallway to her room.. vomiting as she went.. well janice was reiterating for the 100 time the same point.. i was listening.. because you could actually hear her vomit splat on the CARPET... so i started to count how many times i heard it.. i got up to 16 before janice took a breath, and finally i say.. "ummm i'll be right back i want to bring K out here before our rug is covered with stomach acid" so i go and get her.. and she stands in the kitchen.. for about two mins (puked there too) then she starts moving back down the hallway.. and does it some more. bye the time janice was FINALLY done, she had vomited 37 times.. no freggin lie alllll the way to her bedroom. it was like she was leaving large vomit bread crumbs so she could find her way back home. it was gawd awful.. then there is that whole thing about how when i changed her, she puked on my head. *sigh* the rest of the night, we hug out in silence.. watched Swanson drunk on my laptop and had a few laughs.. but yeah.. that was my night..


Early morning phone calls...

Yeah.. ok.. in hindsight that title is stupid.. it wasn't early morning.. but when you put into consideration that i didn't go to bed until 7:22am.. 1pm is rather early to me... my mother called.. asking about health insurance.. for the love of god with the health insurance.. no one wants to insure me.. i just have to wait until i can get it through work and thats that... with how many medications i am on and the health problems i have.. i am uninsurable.. people look at me and decide to say no every time. Eh, oh well.. i am just sick of looking to appease her.. my head is pounding.. i think i am gong to go make some coffee...


Banana Pancakes...

*yawn* i think i could have used some more sleep.. but i never seem to get enough anymore.. i don't really feel like getting out of bed today, seems like such a hassle.. and my body apparently agrees. at least i still have another two hours till work.. so i am laying here listening to my Jack Johnson CD.. which i have been told is monotone.. which i disagree with.. i love this cd.. its relaxing.. but to each is own. although.. it is making me really want banana pancakes.. i wish i had some nanas i cant make them without nanas.. gurrr... i really need to go food shopping... i wish there was a Perkin's or Denny's near by so i could get them.. or even that i still lived in CS and i could go bother Dawn.. cause i want my nana pancakes!!! or if you knew me a year ago.. "pankcanks" thanks guys for not telling me... i am a twit.. a total twit.. why do i care so much? this is silliness i'm gonna go eat some cocopufs!

"So you Know it's okay..."

Is it? is it ever? i really hate arguing, i hate it with every fiber of my being.. i don't even have a clue how that happened.. how it even got there? all i know is i am exhausted.. and now upset.. and probably won't fall asleep at all now. i don't think much makes sense anymore.. did it ever? am i just over tired? mocha is up with me.. staring at me.. gah... i don't know what i am thinking or feeling right now.. i can't make heads or tails of any of this.. lordy. i just hope dan makes it home safely tomorrow.. and i wish i wasn't such an asshole. because i really am.. i do things i don't even realize i am doing that effect people in negative ways. and since i don't realize i am doing it.. how can i fix this? probably can't.. i am domed to be an ass forever. jesus.. why am i even writing? i need to go to bed.

Ok after that downer...


Warm Fuzzy Puppies and Yittle Kitties...

so.. i had such a crappy day at work.. full of vomit... and i mean full.. it was EVERYWHERE!!! but.. some how when i got home i climbed right into bed.. and mocha was there waiting for me.. then she wrapped her little doggie paws around my leg and curled up next to me.. and i felt much better. there is nothing like puppies to make you fell all warm and fuzzy... i have the worlds greatest dog. she is always there for me and doesn't judge me or fight with me or make me unhappy.. all she wants to do is snuggle and love me.. and i love her soooo much!!! so i was telling dan how cute she was being.. and now i am trying to convince him to get a kitty cause he likes kitties. i was thinking about getting another puppy.. so mocha has a friend... it may be tough.. she is dog aggressive.. having been fought when she was little.. people who fight pits have no heart.. because they are the most loving breed of dog i have ever encountered..
and very prevalent in american culture.. its the stupid fucks that fight them that give them a bad wrap. so much so my mom won't even pet my pup when she comes to visit.. and it brakes my heart to see the look of sadness in my doggies eyes when people are scared of her. she is quite possibly the most non threatening dog ever. i have let her play with infants.. and know what she does? she lays on the floor and sticks her little puppy tongue out and give them small gently kisses.

I hope after all that.. people out there think.. at least a little..

and i should also mention.. its not just the dogs getting hurt.. my kitty is a rescue too.. they feed cats to the dogs to make them mean and give them a taste of blood.


Lesbian Lovers

"Life is a highway... and i'm gonna ride it all night long"... whoa with the cheese... sooo Jackie and i went to Honesdale today.. and to the alpine.. we saw many exciting things.. well maybe not exciting.. but amusing to say the very least.. like the fat chick walking the highway.. i am pretty sure she could have passed for a semi.. i mean she took up more room than my car.. then we had to contend with all the morons on the road who were doing the after christmas gift exchange and shopping. I am really trying desperately to comprehend why people have to come to a complete stop before making a turn? its really quite the most obnoxious thing i have ever encountered short of the song that doesn't end. I kept wishing i had inspector gadgets car.. in fact i said "go go gadget car" out loud... (which resulted in a laughing fit on both of our parts) in hopes that my car would suddenly grow taller and i could just drive above all the assholes on the road. we reminisced about the "Great Keystone Black Out" and driving back to the college from nikkis only to find there was no power, and while i was smoking pot with tom in the sculpture studio with our oil lanterns.. jackie was trying to calm down a dumb bitch who was convinced that Armageddon was coming. she is now a little annoyed with me for not rescuing her.. oops. we had a really nice luncheon at the Alpine best food in the world.. i mean seriously. and then spent way to much money on candy and wurst... jackie was very unhappy that they were out of beef tongue.. but they did have the blood tongue (which is so worse.. like there is blood in it.. congealed in jelly.. *vomits* she tried it and almost threw up. not to mention it was pork which is a no no) we went out to nikki's house and gave my nieces their presents which was adorable.. but apparently i am inept b.c i couldn't figure out a kids toy.. though jackie had trouble getting the wings on the barbie. when jackie got out of the car.. she was slipping on the ice saying "nice" every time she slipped... so we now call ice nice... and she slipped and hit her head HARD on the ice in the driveway.. to give you an idea.. my car slipped backwards down the driveway in park, with the e-break and my foot on the break peddle...(i would also like to interject that the whole time at nikkis house she was txting seth about all the Lesbian "sex" we were having in the parking lot of the wall mart.) then we drove up to the star... looked at the town.. yeah then drove home, i was trying to charge my phone which i propped up with a tampon (the only thing i had at the time) to which jackie called it the elephant tampon and said thats like sticking an elephant in your vagina.. yeah.. so now we are going to drink some rum and make a ginger bread house, which may not work.. i mean alcohol and building things? we might as well hang little shoes on the telephone wire outside our gingerbread house and say crack heads built it. don't worry pictures will follow...

Jackie has just informed me that her head is moving... and spiny and stuff... yeah... ummm jello shots anyone?

Jonathan's Diner 9:30 am
This one speaks for it's self.. at 11 am
Da Alpine...
Lunch... mmmm
View from the star...
The abominable snow man... huh?


Work on X-Mas..

It was tolerable, i cooked a yummy dinner for my patients of my grandmothers meat-loaf.. i looked all Christmased out lol.. with my little hunter green dress and red sweater. Kinda felt like Ellen Griswald on crack.. ugh.. well anyways.. J was excited allll night about Santa coming. Which was very cute, and i talked to Aunt Nancy for a bit.. which was rather awkward, she kept repeating herself, and not making any sense at all... i worry so about her. so now here i am its christmas morning.. and i would have opened my stocking by now.. and been halfway through presents.. laughing with my family. but no, i am laying in my bed all alone, just me and mocha. knowing in two hours i have to go back to work. and i am working the shift all by my lonesome. *sigh* this is such a crappy christmas. i think i am gonna go cry for a few hours.

Just found this IM from my mum... "Merry Christmas, Karin and Mike. You will be with us in spirit all day. Love, Mom." god.. i wanna go homeeeeee!!!!


It's Christmas Eve and I am doing WHAT?!?

Mother fucker.. yes, that is how i am starting this entry cause i am soooo mother fucking the fact that i have to work tonight and tomorrow.. i was telling dan last night.. i would normally be having a wonderful christmas dinner with aunt nancy and uncle bill tonight.. and eating the cookies mum brought back from the cookie exchange.. then going to the pageant at church.. (which is so beautiful.. candles up and down the pews in a gothic style church.. yeah...) i'm missing out on the christmas parties and caroling.. and the 11:00 service which i usually sing with the choir.. :( and most of all i am missing curling up with my mother and father and watching christmas vacation next to the fire.. then hopping into my nice warm king sized bed with my flannel sheets and cozy down comforter while my parents keep the rouse of santa alive (lol.. yeah.. they still do the stockings and presents while we are asleep) and i get to miss this for what? hummm.. 8 mother fucking hours of work ... yes i said it again.. cause goddamnit! and get this.. i found out yesterday that on christmas day i am working 100% alone.. how much does that suck? RARSSSS!!!! well.. i guess on the bright side.. maybe i can bring some joy to the people i work for.. (ok that was my utterly feeble attempt at optimism lol) at least only two more days till Jackie gets here.. thank god. the church i was talking about at christmas :)


I don't know what to say.. it was an interesting night in the very least.. lots of things happened that shouldn't have.. and i ended my night convinced Janice HATES me.. then had to fill out like 35 MAR forms.. which was craptastic.. (another me and seth word.. meaning fantastically crappy.. as in so crappy its almost fantastic.. or something he could explain it better) i tried to talk to dan but the service was pretty craptacular (common you can figure this one out) and apparently all the what whating gave him a headache.. (damnit now i am thinking about the madness of king george lol) holy hell i am squirrely tonight.. oh.. so like i got to work at 3 and ended up having to wait for 45 mins in the driveway.. that was fun.. what else? ummmmm uhhhh... ummm.... i took k to the store that sucked... and did a txt while driving that was pretty messed up but i am getting really good at keeping the vehicle on the road at the same time... which is always a good thing.. god.. i said it was interesting up there btw.. that was utter sarcasm.. my night was the most boring thing imaginable. and i have been in the tub tonight from 11:20- 4:55 so far.. and counting.. i should do a tub count cause its bordering amusing at this point.. i have successfully raisinetted myself for the night.. rars.. i think i am gonna go to bed.. hopefully not in the tub hahahaha... well.. i dunno.. thats all i suppose... i have to work tomorrow.. christmas eve.. thats craptacular too..



sooo today i got schooled in the ways of how to talk ghetto... Tamara educated me toady because she was really upset about how our company was dicking her out of her PTO for the holidays.. and she kept saying "des bitches be buggin" so i inquired as to the direct meaning of this term and was informed that it means they are crazy. then when her friend called she made fun of me for asking and then brought up how on my first day there she kept calling me "son" and i said something to the effect of "why are you calling me "son" do i look like a man to you?" only not quite as eloquently as that. anyways.. i also had a nice surprise nick sent me a txt today and a few messages which was a total relief (no not nick pinto) a different one.. and it really made my day.. and i had an interesting conversation with Seth over what to get his girlfriend for christmas which ended with something that would benefit both of them.. he gets her something and she gives in return something he wants when ever he wants. wow.. how vague was that? lol.. and i told jackie she should write that she is part of a very intense T&A program on her resume.. which is mildly amusing... anyways.. nothing too special happened today.. so i have nothing really interesting to write about.. scratch that.. nick was special.. and always will be.. but other than that nothing else.. so yeah..


"The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow, Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below..."

huh? ok.. so i woke up to this fresh beautiful blanket of snow this morning.. omg gorgeous.. the sun was glistening off of it.. it truly is a winter wonderland out there... (seth.. yes it looks like glitter) gotta go play where's waldo with my car.. find the hybrid in the snow... in 11-14 inches of snow that is.. i love the snow.. i was hating it the other day.. but i have resolved to let all that just roll off my back.. i'll see my family as soon as i can. it was snowing in FFLD when i woke up so i know i would have run into snow there.. today we are going to shovel snow.. hang some more lights (blue and white for Jackie's Chanukah celebratin ass hahaha love you though...) and then head to the Steamtown Mall (ooh sorry head "up the mall" gotta be an authentic NEPAian) *vomits* to hit up a store that his closing.. and possibly wander boscovs.. i'll post pictures later.. gotta get back to cleaning my house and playing the its mine game with mike.. kill me... hope everyone is having a great day!

Well.. it's officially not better.. i missed a call from dan because michael wanted to fight with me.. what else is new.. and we can't come to terms on any one thing. and apparently i am supposed to be a mind reader.. which i thankfully am not.. oh and i am quite possibly the biggest bitch in the world.. and i don't care about other people and michael is my "whipping post" or whatever.. i love how i start my day optimistically.. and as per usual someone has to crash my world down around me.. i just cant win. and i am so very sick of loosing.

so in an effort to dull my melancholy attitude we went to the mall... what were we thinking? we went to my favorite store which was closing and had a 75% off sale i got tons of stuff for $25 it was pretty cool but the place looked like a hurricane went through it i mean omg! there were clothes just thrown around boxes of shoes and all that it was insane!!! then we wandered around for while and hit a few more stores i had to got to Chakra (the old sojourner of course) i found one thing i wanted there and then we went to Kaiser Oak for a bit then home.. and as usual i am exhausted lol.. probably didn't help that i shoveled snow as well lol..


"a cereal for each residence"

I just told eric a story about Captain Crunch... (because he asked if fat jen's grandmother got her law degree out of a cracker jack box) apparently jen's grandmother took it upon her self to call mike's mother (and its no secret how i feel about mike's mother) and say that he isn't paying enough child support so his mother needs to make up the difference because mike is her son. all i have to say about that is wow. jen likes to send out papers around christmas from domestics telling him he is in non compliance. last christmas she had our joint bank account seized.. on christmas eve. so she got my $575.00 check which pissed me off to no end. and domestics doesn't care that it was my check. the real kicker of it was that we waited to buy Timmy's christmas presents to see what everyone else gave him.. and then couldn't get him anything in the end. she probably spent that money to go drinking too.. Victoria has been telling Michael's mother that her mom keeps coming home drunk on a nightly basis... god someone needs to call CYS not that they will do anything. poor kid. they are brainwashing her something awful. well anyways.. now it seems that Michael's mother is willing to help him get her back instead of doing the opposite and aiding Jen. The story of the Captain Crunch is that when we went to Florida to our house.. i would only eat Captain Crunch.. nothing else and that is the only place i would eat it, so when i do now it reminds me of the porch in the summer eating Captain Crunch lol.. then i told him that at the Vermont house i only ate IGA Tasty-o's apple cinnamon to be exact.. i loved those things. so he said i had a cereal for each residence we had lol...Eric then went on a rant about his friends lunacy being a virus, and that he saves too much money. He lives in a trailer, and heats only his bedroom to save money. and won't search the internet because he could get a virus on his computer, here is a direct quote "i have no time for that, everyone when we go out to dinner tries to pay, its a fight over who gets to pay not who doesn't get to pay. pettyness in a man is extremely undesirable, he is so set in his ways!" *sigh* always comes back to money with eric. he is so closed minded. its deplorable. oh and the best was "you save money changing your oil but are you really saving money when the car falls on top of you?" he seems to think that the car will most defiantly fall on top of the person changing the oil. mmm god love what if's!!!!! he believes that the places he goes puts good oil in the cars he brings to cole muffler.. not for $15.00 they don't he is so effin stupid! and i forgot to mention he thinks all Germans followed Hitler... huh? what.. and that every german he knows can't manage money.. (can't begin to tell you how offended i am..) all germans take everything to an extreme.. uh huh.. sure Eric.. well anyways.. i am exhausted.. emotionally, physically and mentally drained.. so i bid you all goodnight.

I am so dumb...

Even after having said all that.. and being so upset about what he said.. for some reason i feel bad that i didn't leave last night.. like i should appoligize even though i was told i did nothing wrong.. and appoligize to a guy that doesn't even care one ioda about my emotions.. and yet some how i care about his.. what in the hell is wrong with me.. i have got to be the most pathetic individual in the world.. and the worst of it is i have lots of choice words i want to say.. about how i am so pissed off and hurt and that i think he sould be a little bit more compassionate.. and all that shit.. but i know ill never say them.. and now.. of course my mac books are all shot to hell.. they won't start.. and i have to reload OSX onto them.. and i don't have a dick of a clue where the discs are.. probably in the shead of death with the boxes of doom.. hopefully one will fall on my head and put me out of my misery.

Why can't anything in my life go right?

Have i not dealt with enough this year? I mean damnit god have you not broken me down for your amusement a fair amount of times? this is just one little tiny thing that i asked for that meant the whole world to me.. i just wanted to see my family... i just wanted to be with aunt nancy and to make my mother happy... now i am stuck here because of snow.. and i am working on christmas.. i guess i am not deserving of christmas with my family. and i am just left to wonder what did i do that was so terrible? god.. life has just become such a hard thing to fake, and i am really getting sick of trying and having a negative end result.

so then i went back to bed after this.. and woke up to "why are we not in the car?" to which i explained that dad said the roads were treacherous there and didn't want us to leave so i didn't wake you up. and i of course started crying because i am so upset about not being able to leave. and i get "why are you crying? we should have left last night when i said we should have i wanted to leave this state too" to which i replied, "leaving the state and seeing your family for christmas are two totally different things, you don't even like my family." i get back well.. "i like your dad" great.. yeah.. so its really the same fucking thing. i seriously hate my life. i can't do the things that make me happy and the people around me have to make me feel bad about it and make me think its my fault, even janice said last night "it depends on how determined you are i drove to NC in a worse snow storm took me 12 hours but i did it" and here i am thinking.. i could barely handle my 30 min trip home yesterday and wanted out of that car so fast.. how in the hell am i going to make it on a 6 hour trip? he acts like i didn't want to go enough, all i want to do is see my mom and dad and aunt nancy very badly.. and possibly aunti em.. but.. it didn't work out that way. does he not think i feel bad enough that he had to make me feel worse? like i did this to myself.. what happened to compassion and understanding? guess it went out the window.. so much for the spirit of the holiday, if there ever was such a thing. i hate christmas. i always have. its been a wicked time for me for the last few years.. i was determined to change that trend this year.. and i failed. this christmas sucks too... fuck everything.


Freggin Snow!!!!!

well.. today was just magical.. i went to St. Joseph's main center.. got there for 9.. not one bit of snow on the ground not even a flurry in the air i go into the conference room.. i am there for maybe 30 mins TOPS and i look outside and see HUGE flakes falling from the sky and like 1/2 inch already accumulated... i then did a "WTF?!?! WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM!?!" and we stayed there until like 10:15... then left.. i drove around aimlessly looking for a road to 81 that didn't go down hill.. which is impossible in scranton.. this is after i skidded to a stop going 2 mph, yes i said two miles per hour. so that should give some indication as to how awful the roads actually were. finally i got so fed up with trying to find a road that didn't go down hill i gave up.. i drove around the back of St. Joe's and went down by Marywood and up to 84.. fishtailing the WHOLE time.. barely making it up some of the hills.. i finally hit the highway.. and decide no freggin way i throw on the 4ways and drive 5 mph because PenDot decided to slack off AGAIN.. this is no surprise.. even people who no longer live here agree with me. i passed like 3 cars slammed into the cement barriers.. and numerous cops and other emergency vehicles.. only adding to my ever growing hysteria and terror... (flashing back to our one fateful snow storm... jackie you know what i am talking about.. even though yes.. your car looked way worse than mine the month after that, fucking Caregivers.. get the tank) well anyways.. i get to 435 also not plowed.. also had cars sliding all over the place. by the time i got to my house i was shaking and crying like a little bitch. i tried to get up the driveway.. no such luck.. so i stuck the car in park, pulled the e-break, and had my foot on the break peddle.. and the freggin thing still slid down to 435 where the cars were whizzing past.. so i had a mini panic attack and michael got really annoyed with me, then after some harsh words finally came and moved my car. i just couldn't bare to be sitting in it any longer. then i went inside and warmed up a bit, and called Janice to tell her i might be late because i was going to have michael drive me in and we need to clear the driveway to get his car out. to which she replies "you are due here at 12" yeah.. well.. ill get there when i get there. i ain't about to go dying for this shit. so we began the evil trek to Goldsboro. made it in one piece, and then i stayed for my shift.. stressful as it was. and mike took me home. i am really unbelievably bummed about the snow right now (i know, yeah yeah sign of the apocalypse) i wanted to go home and see my family tonight.. by daddy told me not to do it. and i listen to my daddy. *sigh* we are going to try for tomorrow daddy is gonna call at 8am and check the roads by him.. see what happens. *fingers crossed*


What can i say?

I am exhausted.. still.. i still insist on staying up late like a total ass.. rar.. someone smack me.. well.. today proved to be interesting.. we had the most riveting inservice on behavior issues and dealing with them.. ugh.. but the woman at least had an EXCELLENT sense of humor.. and low and behold.. of course from Clinton, CT... so i of course mention Old Lyme and Rodgers Lake.. and she of course.. used to teach swimming there back in the day.. (really i am no longer surprised by these sorts of things any more) well.. anyways.. during this intriguing discussion i respectfully appeared interested and gave input as necessary and asked questions i knew the answers to to appear interested.. well i guess this made alot of difference to her.. she asked me after the inservice if i wanted to work for her company instead (the pay is twice as much.. and there is a union) wow.. so i talked to her for awhile... that was pretty flattering.. lol then i drug my tired ass back home and we drove up to the Alpine .. again... and got some things.. now i am home.. i have work to get done.. so yeah.. guess thats all...


Only I can...

Well another rousing morning that started at 8 am.. it snowed last night about an inch.. then it iced about an inch.. then it rained.. making for some fun driving conditions.. lots of people were missing from the group today.. not that they missed much.. but they did miss the RIVETING video on Hand-washing Technique.. yes.. i really did just say that... has some deeply disturbed and angry looking nurse straight out of the 70's showing people how to wash their hands.. i mean really now.. but it is statistically proven that only half the people really know how. (this too is deeply disturbing.. but then again... people don't usually incorporate Universal Precautions into their daily life) well... i got to the main center.. and parked my car.. when i put it in park it lunged forward.. and pop.. right over the ledge.. so we all pushed it out.. cause the ice wouldn't allow the tires to get any traction.. and i did this after having a hep B vaccination.. which.. really hurts.. well.. me it does.. some people get lucky on that one. so i was made fun of by Mikey (no not the mike here a different one) for an upwards of 15 mins.. but, the car was freed so it was worth it.. now i am hanging out before i have to run off to work...

and to add to the only i can.. only i can take the company van.. and drive it through the drive through and possibly scratch the running board on the curb.. i heard something.. but can't see any damage.. Tamara can't either so that is a good sign.. maybe i am just crazy? but.. i swear.. i am not used to driving something that is so wide in such a contained space.. i am exhausted.. almost drunk with exhaustion.. like omg..

Khai.. posted it just for you <3

You have probably seen this game before, but if not the rules are simple: copy my questions and answers, replace my answers with yours, and either post on your blog or in comments.

Not a clue
This morning
quite possibly.
Never heard of it.. don't know the meaning of the word :p
ohhh undecided
hippies don't wear shoes
Its a draw between Timothy's in Black Rock, CT where we have our "best friends ice cream" which is cookies and cream with reces peanut butter cups mixed in.. and Riche's Dairy in Redding CT where i get the mint oreo.. mmmm... all homemade ice cream... but i not suppoed ta eat it...
i don't make judgments or notice anything until i get to know a person.
with out a doubt pink
it's also my favorite thing about myself...
Dan first then Amanda
vegetarian lasagna
The movie "A little Sex" (no not a porn or anything.. its a real movie.. and a pretty god one at that.. check Hulu.com they have it there...)
Cerulean blue
Green tea
Baseball and european foot ball
24. Hair Color?
red (currently anyways.. ya'll know that is subject to change)
No should i? shit.. *squints* ohhh there you are....
German hands down.. but.. one thing.. it's all about Salmon.. and Eggplant Casserole
horror movie fanatic, know anyone that owns the box set of Sleep Away Camp? yeah.. i didn't think so.
Currently watching "A Little Sex"
32. Hugs or kisses?
Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte
Idiot Girls Action Adventure Guide
Don't have one
Don't have one
snow its silent
Uhh... India?
*snickers* possibly



So i woke up this morning at 8 am.. those of you who know me really well.. know that i am an utter cunt in the wee hours of the am.. but i had to go to the inservice.. *vomits* it was alright.. then i rushed back up to moscow.. and ran in my house to say hi to my puppers and talk to dan for a bit.. and rushed out to Goldsboro to meet janice.. after all that jazz was over with i and my unlucky ass got to do the pick up for the day.. i hate that damn van.. i hate hate hate it.. i also brought it to the car wash.. which i should say i have never ever been to one of those things where they like have the machines.. i always just wash my car myself.. it was pretty weird.. and a little freaky.. (i know.. i am odd that i have never done that before but they say those things scratch your car) well after this i got to go on a long ass trip to Idle Hour Lanes in Dixon City.. the crappy place i first met Johnny on that fateful night where i wish i had had the flu or something. i honestly thought it was gonna be a bit emotional since i haven't been there since then and we used to go all the time. but i was so engrossed in j and him having fun that i didn't really notice.. they have this nifty thing for them where its like a ramp and they just have to roll the ball down the thing to bowl.. instead of lifting the ball and what not... there was a huge group of people.. and he really enjoyed himself... and we sung christmas songs the whole way back as it was snowing.. i am utterly beat.. and have been in the tub since 7 pm.. and am now heading to bed... night everyone!



so last night as i was falling asleep.. i had something interesting to say.. had it all planned out in my head.. and i forgot it.. so i have nothing good to say.. ugh


Residual Full Moon...

Yeah... so that is the theme of the night.. not sure how many times i uttered the words "is it a fucking full moon or something??!?!" It all started with K having a complete fit.. and i mean a fit.. one that would top most i have seen. i felt really bad because i couldn't for the life of me figure out what was wrong with her. so i I went into give K her shower and i then notice.. wow.. that peg tube is no longer inside her.. what the fuck? my assumption is either she pulled it out..(during her fit.. which is more probable.. due to the fact that it wasn't so messy as one would think it would be) or someone else did. while this is going on T was alll over the place... which is rare.. he usually sits still.. had to keep him away from the stove.. (he is blind, deaf and MR) then when that fiasco got resolved i then started with J's shower... he got the idea to try to spit beyond where he was sitting and nearly toppled out of the shower chair.. so i thankfully was standing in front of him and caught him as he went... the rest of the night was no different.. we found that the laundry had not gotten done from the previous shift.. no one would go to sleep..j kept taking his clothes off... T kept throwing things around the room... i mean my god.. so now i am sitting in my bathtub.. with a bottle.. yes a bottle, not a glass of wine.. cause goddamn i need it! (btw.. the full moon was last night.. so it has to be residual)


*yawn* WTF?

so like seriously.. WTF? i slept 12 hours again.. why do i keep doing that? it's maddening! i can't do that and not wake up in utter pain.. i hate my life sometimes.. gurrr... ever notice when you sleep way too much you wake up more tired than when you went to bed? how in hell does this make sense? it's most certainly going to be a "drink and ass load of coffee" kind of day for me... *sigh* i suppose i should get that.. i really don't feel like going to work today.. there is snow all over.. and i hate driving in the snow.. and i am so tired.. fuck.. of course i'll get there and be fine as usual.. i just don't have my heart into it today.. and how can you take care of people with out any heart? which reminds me.. when i had been talking to Chris DeMont.. he told me Crazy Whitney got a job as a caregiver... and of course our first reaction was you have to care to be a caregiver. i can she her ignoring the clients she worked for and not doing a damn thing.. possibly piling them in her car to go stalk Chris just as she did with her son on a nightly basis. if she even had that job in the first place. i am not sure who would hire her for a job like that, one look into her crazy eyes and its enough to scare the boogie man away. i mean i can't even begin to describe how horrifying her eyes are, they remind me of when Missy was into heroin... this lifeless, soulless, empty shell of a person. and those people are the most evil, mainly because they just don't care who or what they hurt or destroy. and they will go though every life they come in contact with and do everything they can to mangle and maim it. worse that the bubonic plague nah.. worse than a nuclear bomb going off. (here's where the proper response would be "tell me how you really feel") i feel like Clarks Summit needs to have an open hunting season for Whitney, we can hunt other animals why not her? i would be the first on there.. with jackie right on my heals. gotta remember i have been shooting to the right.. ugh.. what? so anyways.. with all that said.. i'd better watch myself.. she may put a spell on me being a self proclaimed dark witch and all.. (doesn't that like go completely against the code of paganism? what was it? "harm non do what ye will?" something like that... maybe the rule of three will get her.. one can hope..) and she has her little witchy store.. i wouldn't buy anything from there your house is liable to burn down. she still owes Nikki for the candles she never paid her for. stupid cunt. she doesn't care one ounce about what happens to the people in her life. i kind of wish i had come down with botchlism the day i met her.. (wheres Shirley when we need her? haha... jax... remember? omg) anyways.. yeah.. think i am done.. we'll see...

I lied.. eric just told me i "cultivate the stray dogs of the world, you are never happy unless you are helping someone in need and unfortunately they are the problem." (ummm... not sure how to take that.. but i have moved up from attracting to i now cultivate) and then we had a debate about who is worse Crazy Whitney or Raine.. hands fucking down Crazy Whitney!!!!! hands fucking down.. wow.. why would he even bring that up? haha.. and oh.. he thought of me when he saw a christmas in CT thing.. and is now babbling about my upbringing.. and the Vanderbilt's.. *sigh* i am not a snob.. but he seems convinced of it.. oy vay. lol.. well.. i ought to go pay attention to him..



well.. i woke up freezing cold.. and to a nasty headache.. but guess what?!? there is SNOW!!! yeah!!!


So far..

Ugh.. morning... and i can't seem to open my eyes yet.. they are glued shut from exhaustion.. or maybe its because everything is soooo slow and icky now.. its like icing outside.. looks like another nice night of no power is fast approaching... you always seem to feel worse when the weather is yucky outside...even Eric is off his game today.. i was one the phone with him for over 20 mins and not once did he go on a rant... apparently he is now keeping out of politics and not watching the news because it riles him up so much.. how strange... though a good course of action if you ask me. i think i have to go start getting ready for work now.. i'll add more later.. hope i don't get puked on again.

And work was a little bit of crazy.. as usual.. no vomit tonight thank god.. a little bit of fisticuffs between my patients.. but.. nothing major... showers were tolerable tonight.. and then.. just as i was leaving.. (after a rousing conversation about how Tamara "don't like these back woods hick towns, cause there are bears" to which i heartily made fun of her for.. ) the power went out... go figure.. and Tamara ran for the door.. just as she did it came back on.. and Krysta was begging us to stay with her, so i told her if it goes out again call me.. i'll bring you candles.. unknowing that the river on the way to my house was now flooding over the street.. well.. just as i hit the top of the drive way.. flicker.. then another flicker.. and then poof no power.. so.. i went home.. braved the streets of death the ice and the flooding.. and thankfully got to my house to find there was power.. *sigh of relief* and called Krysta (yeah she never called me) and then braved the roads again to bring her candles.. and i brought her lots of them! mocha went for the ride too.. then on the way home called PPL and told them there was no power.. (no one had reported it yet) well.. for her sake i hope it comes back on.. meanwhile.. i am gonna stay at my house.. where there is power..

And.. now Krysta called me.. and i am heading back into work again.. ugh (11:24)

2:47am.. the power came back.. and i am home... going to bed.. like omg going to bed!


Vomit... and Bendy Straws

What a goddamn night!!! i am writing this entry from the bathtub.. due to the fact that K decided to act out tonight.. and induce vomiting on her self with her fingers. and guess who she vomited on? hahaha.. yep.. me.. and then to make matters worse.. her peg tube opened up alll over me.. (and her stomach contents leaked out) *vomits* it was just a nasty day. all around... by the time it was all over... stupid bendy straws were becoming funny again.. god i am tired...
Ich bin mit diesen Kopfschmerzen so frustriert! Ich wünsche wirklich, dass es weggehen würde. Es ist nicht an allen!! Ich verfehle Dan, er bin nicht nach Hause heute. Ich weiß nicht was, mit mich zu tun.


Well.. last night was special.. had to drive that stupid work van for hours.. and deal with a very upset K.. then.. without any warning.. become utterly ill.. and ended up vomiting off in the woods.. ugh.. so needless to say I hit the hay much earlier than normal.. and was woken up by Chris.. the "Crazy Whitney" saga continues. I told Chris over a year ago if he ever needed me.. that I would help him, he must have remembered because he got my number from Sharkey.. I still don't have a clue what happened.. but he wants me to talk to this PI for him, I am completely mother fucking the fact that not three weeks ago i deleted all her messages from over a year ago thinking this shit had finally come to a close. That bitch is insane!!!!! I apparently don't even have any of the numerous threatening emails she sent me.. so basically.. out of my readers here that know me personally.. if you can remember any Crazy Whitney moments I should mention let me know. I still can't figure out why Chris dates her, I bet he wishes he had been home sick with the plague the day he met her. I knew getting rid of her ass was a good idea.. not sure if you'll remember.. my first blog entry here was about her and how nutty she was driving me. Well anyways.. well see how this goes, I have now been up talking to Håreeråjå and James for a while.. something to do.. I am still exhausted.. gotta make some coffee and I eat some left over Spätzle and Sauerkraut.. hehe.. and make another attempt to get rid of this headache.. aargggh.. oh well.. maybe more later.. we'll see...

oh and I finally got my pictures off my cell.. here you go Jax...



Gurr.. i have such a headache.. i kind of wanna die a little right now... not even sure why i am writing.. eh.. well tonight was the night from hell everyone was all out of sorts and T was really upset all night and wouldn't go to bed. its hard to deal with him being blind and deaf and all... its not like you can tell him its ok... all you can do is sit there and gently rub his head or what have you... its heart-wrenching to watch. i feel so sick to my stomach.. stupid migraine makes me sick too.. i have eaten almost an entire bottle of Tylenol.. to no avail.. at least i had dan to talk to and danny had me laughing with the Paperclip orders.. i should really be sleeping.. but.. doesn't seem to be happening... ugh.. god..


Lazy Sunday..

Sooo.. its snowing!!!!!!!!!! w00t... and there is like lots of purdy white on the ground.. so i am all cozy laying in bed.. drinking my peppermint mocha coffee.. watching the snow.. and playing on Neopets.com.. cause i am lame like that.. i painted one of my pets with a christmas paint brush.. then had a snow ball fight with james.. i don't fight nice.. i have a snowball cannon of doom.. i can't wait for there to be just a little more snow so me and mocha can go prance around it it and make snow angels... *sigh* i just love the winter sooo much.. its sooo cozy!!!!!!!!

soo total bummer.. it stopped snowing :( but i made lots of yummy cookies.. and watched every christmas movie imaginable.. and sat out by the tree for a while... and drank loootts of coffee... i mean alot of coffee.. and yeah.. i dunno.. i have absolutely nothing interesting to say... because i did basically nothing.. god.. i really am boring ack! well.. back to work tomorrow at least.. i'll have something interesting to say then :)

My Purdy Puppy sleepins...

The totally awesome Nesting Dolls my daddy brought back from russia..

Christmas tree.. :) :)



Email From Mother..

I thought this was note worthy enough to share...

Words from Maya Angelou:

'I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today,
life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.'

'I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she
handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled
Christmas tree lights.'

'I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents,
you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.'

'I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a

'I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.'

'I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt
on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back.'

'I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I
usually make the right decision.'

'I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.'

'I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.
People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.'

'I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.'

'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget
what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'

Hope this helps one of you...


I never heard of anyone who had the keys to life. but thoes who frequent the art openings, these, pretentious, egotistical, people who live a pseudo-existence, of their own creation, are convinced.. utterly convinced they have all the answers... "people who define success and meaning of life on their own terms" is Eric's description. Smug little "pishy poshy" people who sit upon their high horses and in their ivory towers are just self centered.. interested in only their field/walks of life and have absolutely no desire to expand beyond that and have the gaul to look with distain upon all others... It's the reason i left CT they are alll like that there.. its despicable, its the ol' "Marry Poppin's Syndrome" i do believe i have mentioned this before, the inability to see past the tip of your nose. They flock like rabid dogs to the wine and cheese and "culture" but do they for one second care about the artist? nooooo i doubt it highly, they care about the image they ooze that they are actually educated cultured people. when in reality, ha! could not be further from the truth. they live in their world of lies, its always the ones with nothing who like to pretend they have something. where as those of us who do.. are utterly bored with it and strive to better ourselves in every way. god, go back up to Waverly, sip tea with the ladies of high court (LMFAO!) and leave those who are real alone!


Work went well last night.. it was.. rather uneventful thankfully, but i was utterly amazed with J. He is the most caring, loving, helpful person in the home. Constantly ready to lend a hand, Spreading out the blocks for T, helping him to the table for dinner with skill and attention to detail that rivals my own. He seems very fascinated with the color orange and orange cars.. i am going to try to find him an orange car for christmas i think, he keeps telling me he wants to take me for a ride in his orange car, I asked Eric for all his old car magazines figured it would make him happy because the one he has is well loved and a little tattered. I have come to realize the best approach with him is compassion, he responds very well to it. He was really upset when he returned home, he was told to take five in his room but he did not want to he sat on the couch, and when he was hugged and talked to kindly calmed right down. *sigh* i of course forgot my guitar.. must remember on monday!! oh well.. guess thats all on that for now!



can't take this waiting.. i'm going nuts.. hummm... oreos and coffee in the bathtub hahah.. yep nuts..

i got a new one.. *giggle* a pie chart this time... (Dan is such a goof!)

Ugh... Mornings...

I hate mornings.. not sure if i ever said that.. but.. if i hadn't.. to reiterate.. i hate mornings.. no i loathe them.. *yawn* i went to bed at like 1?? (dan?? when did i stop talking to you? lmao.. i am getting bad with this falling asleep on you thing lately...) i was EXHAUSTED! now i can't seem to wake up not that i really have to i just want to for some reason.. guess i ought to hit up the coffee... mmmm.. caffeine.. (yeah, yeah... i know.. i am an addict.. i secretly shoot freeze dried Folgers) me and the puppy are having an utterly lazy day laying here watching Tom and Jerry.. talking with James and Khai.. wishing dan was home.. hummm.. so.. cheese danish or Coco Puffs? oooh no.. i have Lucky Charms... (haha Jackie i'm like your future husband!!! hahaha) ok.. i think i am going to share a poem with you..

Morning Poem... (By Danielle D. Curtis)

Woke early one morning,
the earth lay cool and still,
when suddenly a tiny bird,
perched on my window sill,
it sang a song so lovely,
so carefree and so gay,
that slowly all my troubles,
began to slip away,
it sang of far off places,
of laughter and of fun,
it seemed his very song,
brought out the morning sun,
I pulled back the covers,
and crept slowly out of bed,
and gently shut the window,
and crushed his freaking head,
I'm not a morning person

that about sums it up.. humm.. its the christmas episode of Tom and Jerry.. i love this episode.. it's only making me sad now.. cause i am not going to have christmas this year.. i'll be at work.. no santa clause.. no stockings.. no christmas cookies.. no time with mom and dad.. no dinner with aunt nancy.. oh hell.. aunt nancy.. i have to find a way to get home.. ugh.. *tear* this will be my first christmas with out christmas.. *sob* stupid mandatory holiday work..


The First Day Back..

Okay.. well.. it begins.. so i left the house kind of late.. oops.. and then completely passed the Dunmore exit, so passed FLEX (Fuck!!!) because i was attempting to txt and drive .. (yeah.. i know i am a genius) so the next exit is Dixon City/ Main Ave. so i called Michael, he had nooooo idea how to get back towards Marywood.. so then i called Angel.. she said i was totally insane, made fun of me, then got me to where i needed to go... (well her roommate did) i filled out all the stupid paperwork and headed up to Gouldsboro.. and what a time i had when i got there.. lots of work to get done.. and you know what? i am falling asleep.. so i am going to have to finish this story tomorrow.. sorry..

okay.. to finish this story.. the 3-11 shift gets to deal with showers, which in my experience is the opposite of what i am used to (usually its the 9-5 shift) and that is a barrel of monkeys, they each have such unique personalities, people who don't work with them don't understand. MR's are fascinating, they are so very smart and they amaze you at every turn they find new and inventive ways to get around their disability and accomplish things that they want. They are determined and driven, it really is quite inspirational. K likes her showers but really really wants to go to bed after, and we can't let her because she gets her meds at 8, so she gets really agitated before then, it didn't help that the other girl i was working with dropped her on the floor.. well not really dropped so much as she slipped and the girl couldn't catch her (i am still trying to figure out why an incident report was not filled out) so she was extremely agitated last night, i got her dressed after and got her back outside and she refused to let go of me, and i mean death grip, painful to get out of death grip, once you finally have get your hand free she grips with the other hand, it got so bad she started digging her nails into my arm, and i mean hard! it was a bit disconcerting, but, she didn't want me to leave. There were no mishaps with the other two. My favorite guy J was "playing" his guitar all night, he doesn't actually play he just thinks he does, i am going to take some one on one time with him and try to teach him some simple piano songs, well see how that goes, but he is very interested in music (damnit dan.. you are rubbing off on me!! look at all the commas!!!) J didn't want to go to bed with the rest of them so he stayed up till i left and sat with me while i was looking over the files and doing some paperwork, he kept telling me my car was blue (and it is) he still hasn't quite figured out what he is going to call me, but he followed me around all night and wanted to show me everything he could. must have told me upwards of a hundred times that he loved me. which was really sweet. I dunno.. there is really not much more i can say.. (damn HIPPA) but it was a good day, off to a good start and good to be back. i am quite happy.. just exhausted and my feet are killing me.. lol

Holy Twelve Hours..

What in the hell? soo like all i remember about last night is i was talking to Dan, Jackie and Kash and mike leaving to rescue the run away toilet paper then nothing... but judging by the txt messages my phone didn't delete.. i fell asleep? at like 7:30 or 8 ish.. how odd is that? nope.. i've just been informed that i disappeared around 9... apparently became coherent enough to send a txt saying sorry at 2 am then nothing... god i suck.. now its like 9:04 am and i am awake.. and very confused.. and a little disoriented.. and i choose to write about it for some reason.. haha.. maybe a nice cup of coffee will get me out of this fog so someone's "little caffeine addict" will wake up *giggle* (i can hear the cat batting around one of my tree ornaments right now.. i didn't know Seuss still played with things..) Ok.. well bath time for me i want to relax and clear my head before i go to work.. *shudder*


Ghetto Giant..

Ha! So we just went on a food shopping trip to da Giant in da town of Scranton.. and if you lived around here you would know you have to pronounce scranton.. like a dirty scary hick from the ghetto... forged in hells half acre.. what? yeah... i dunno... i spent way too much money.. but i have food again now so jackie can't complain and guess what? i got TOILET PAPER!! of course it got left there and i just called the Giant.. so now Mike is on his way back to go get the TP.. oops.. w00t! hehe... we drove there listening to the ever so harmonious (thanks dan) musical masterpieces of Dr. Dre.. and Snoop Dog... Neptunes Bitches!! (what?!? riiighhht... ) i was seriously contemplating the good ol' tuck n' roll at 68 mph in traffic.. (don't believe me? ask dan how many mayday txt messages i sent him... one of which i mentioned the tuck n' roll) To quote jackie "music is like candy throw out them "wrappers" hah! so anyways.. i got tons of food.. i am really tired.. i start work tomorrow i think.. i am looking forward to it but not.. i am really nervous to go back to work. it has been so long! i am just hoping i remember how to do my job. i mean when you have people counting on you.. it's imperative you do your job well.. i am probably just freaking myself out for no reason.. but.. i do that..

Love or Lack there of...

I am sort of wondering why we as a society feel the need to be disgusted by other peoples happiness? The whole, "no one like's publik displays of affection" thing. are we so desensitized and jaded that we don't think that true love exists anymore? What happened to the belief in the human spirt? The believe that something deeper and beyond our understanding was at work? Are we all so miserable that we just can't bear to see anyone else happy? If you are lucky enough to find that one person who makes you feel complete, who gives you hope, strength and basks you in the light of their unending love... is it so wrong to talk about it? To share it with others? I don't think so.. but for some reason society has us thinking so. Is there anything more heart warming than seeing an elderly couple in a park holding hands? their love has stood the test of time.. and to me that is the most beautiful thing ever. i am not certain of the point i am trying to make here.. i guess i just wish love was more accepted than the hate and anger we readily accept.. eh.. it's just babbling again...

In Light of the What??

Ok so there probably isn't much of a light side to all that has been going on.. and if there is i don't think i can find it.. i seems everyone is going through some sort of hell this week.. i, thankfully so far am only dealing with the loss of time still.. and lack of sleep... went to bed at 3:30 am .. and got up at 8 am... MF!!! like i was just telling james.. i think the lack of sleep is partially due to some inner duress.. and lack of comfort.. i know someone in particular that could help with that...so yesterday eric has me on the phone for what? like an hour and a half? bitching to me about how i need to get rid of jackie as a friend.. because of the gun thing.. i hadn't told him the story to complain.. i told him the story because it became funny, well he didn't see any funny in it. not that he ever does... the phrase "look on the brighter side of life" is a string of words eric would never be able to fashion together. i still don't get why he feels it is his duty to act like papa bear and tell me how he thinks i should life my life, especially since he has made such a damn mess of his own and is so miserable, but misery does love company. So then there is Jackie.. who keeps getting herself into these yikki situations.. and i worry about her alot.. (i am not going to rehash what she has always said.. you know where to find her blog)Then there's Selina.. who called me high on some blotter acid.. yeah.. that was brilliant... and Gregory talking to me yesterday was just the darn strangest thing in the whole world.. he was being friendly and seemed like he was actually reaching out for once.. and of course misery had something to say about that too.. about how he only talks to me when he needs something.. which is funny especially because during that whole conversation not once did he ask for one thing... Danny called last night and was talking to me for at least two hours too.. i slept for a little bit randomly.. heh.. ask dan about that one. (Not danny, Dan.. toooo many dans!!!) well.. lets see how many times misery calls me today.. and how many aneurysms he is gonna have today... ugh! i wish jackie would come back at least things would be interesting..


Dear Jackie..

1. i know i suck i will make sure to have toilet paper for you the next time you are here.. i didn't have any either and used a napkin you do know they are in the kitchen right?
2. yo so i figured out who pam is "some fat bitch i know" haha mike is gonna go have sex with a "fat bitch" (fucking chubby chaser! shit.. what does that say about me? aww damn-it!!)
3.i am fucking tired
4. when are you coming back?
5. Gregory is talking to me.. and being friendly like WTF?


Pancakes and Curly Fries..

So Jackie and I woke up rather late.. and then wrote the blog below about yesterday.. then.. we ventured out for a place to eat. I hadn't as of yet tried "Jonathan's Diner" down the road from me... I believe Jackie described it as quaint. Well we went there for food. Jackie decided she wanted pancakes, however, with her pancakes she wanted curly fries. Which normal people don't order together. So I was more in the mood for a lunch type of thing and ordered a ruben. I offered to order her fries for her. Well.. when I did the waitress said ok.. well yours comes with them so i'll just change the order.. well.. at this point I ended up have to explain that I was ordering for her because it seemed so absurd of her to get curly fries with her pancakes, and then I told her she really does want her own order of curly fries. After this, and the look we both got, I am utterly convinced.. she thinks we are a couple. So then Jackie sat there texting Dannie (the cradle robber) and Eagle AGAIN and I sat there texting Dan.. so we were the most boring detached couple there is if we are.. I was drawing some grapes on my place-mat too while I was waiting.. and every few minuets or so Jackie decided to inform me that it looked like I was drawing pancreatic cancer. I wasn't I was sooo drawing grapes. So Jackie also wanted me to point out how pathetic we are that we write lists of talking points, ha! So this woman (our waiter was screaming about how someone there thinks she looks 40) So I jumped in and said well someone asked me yesterday if Jackie was my daughter.. (i'm 25 she's 23) no word to lie true story that we forgot to share with you on the montrose entry. I wasn't sure if I should be offended or laugh at Jackie. Then we went to the mall to look at Vibrators and silly things of that nature and then home again.. day isn't over yet so maybe more later..


The Karin and Jackie saga continues...

Today we made a pilgrimage to Honesdale... and to the Alpine .. again.. and got more KINDER!!! Jackie decided she always wanted to ingest the tongue of a cow.. which i do have to say german or not.. thats a bit too much for me.. but the brave girl ate the cow tongue right there in the store. (she wants to make a cow tongue sammich *vomits*) ha! the roads were a bit icky.. with all the snow and ice and rain we have been getting.. on the way up de discussed the utter lack of continuity between Lesbians and the use of fake phalluses. It seems, to defeat the whole point at least to us.. (there is a little more to this story we both choose to leave out) We decided to throw george a surprise birthday party because his family flaked on him.. (Stupid Carrone.. she didn't even show up to her father's house for his birthday.. he was so very sad, so i tried my very best to make up for it) he seemed happy i got him a Kinder Surprise egg, he played with the toy in it for about 20 mins it was really cute.. and some Milka 'cause he loves his chocolate and some licorice, he was happy about that. So Jackie and I baked him a chocolate cake with chocolate icing.. and made beef stew.. (gonna put that on the recipe page soon so look for it if you want) mmmm... but before all that we put the christmas tree up.. (I made some comment to the effect of "common jew girl help me make this tree pretty.." so the made an attempt to throw me into it.. actually thats kind of a complement *giggle* it resulted in both of us falling over and laughing for quite a while.. and a lucky person got to hear all that hahaha.. sorry..) with white and colored lights this year... and blue and white balls *giggle* everything allllll damn day was a constant sexual reference.. i think it was a disease that even dan caught after a while.. which was kind of surprising haha.. i blame jackie.. We also talked to Dannie and Eagle for a while.. and discussed what it means to be article 15'd.. (another long story) There was also this odd time when outside there was this sound like someone was trying to get into the house or something so Jackie sat there with Walther pointed at the door.. rather amusing.. I kind of pity anyone that decided to come over if they had.. haha So then as the night seemed to be winding down and i was enjoying my glass of White Zinfandel on the couch.. some see you next tuesday pulled a Cami (yes this is now a term for me.. its like "Munsoned".. lmao) on Jackie.. so she got drunk! i think she pounded them on the way home from the bar that she walked to haha.. (i have just been told that that was the case and apparently it was rather difficult due to the cars whizzing by and the state trooper that passed her on the road oops) drunken angry people with guns (run and hide.. no really hide) then we made Sicker-doodles.. and the are yummy.. very yummy.. (of course someone didn't read the directions correctly and the sugar and cinnamon wasn't supposed to in the mix oops.. they were still good) *giggle*

Jackie With Walther pointed at the door hehe

George blowing out his candles :)

Jackie and Karin in Montrose..

let me preface this by saying i'm not sure how i am going to tell this story and still have it sound in anyway intellectual, or for that mater have it make sense... but i will do my damnedest.. because we even took notes so as not to forget the important parts... looking at them now my reaction is more WTF? than anything.. but eh.. its me and Jackie.. and well.. we rarely if ever make any sense when we are together.. think thats half the fun. on the way up as tired as we were we stopped at the D and D.. (which we renamed double d... and then decided that we are now going to refer to as Big Tits..) and made our own club.. STP (which stands for the Sleep Depravation Club.. yes.. we realize of course that the letters don't really match that acronym but that's the point.. we were fucking tired.)Jackie also was explaining how she was leaving her "suction cup toothbrush" at my house.. and how its a cool toothbrush because it will stick to the sink.. ut oh.. things are getting serious now *giggle* she's moving in.. hahah... we made a few trips through town for various things.. once to go to the shootin' range *giggle* mmmmm... her new .45 made me very happy.. jackie is now officially deaf thanks to her BSA lightweight 30-6 high powered rifle.. another time was for smokes... then for McDonalds (a little MI in a bag *giggle*)... then to Don Lockhearts for gas... each time passing the holsome bread sign... and commenting on the "Ho, Ho, Holesome!" slogan (yeah, santa was on the sign) this now sounds boring as hell... but it amused us.. it's a very small town, if you blink while driving through it you may miss it. Dave Newton was there all set up for monday.. huntin! Woot! haha.. riiiggghhhhtt... had his tent in the woods, and a huntin' shack he built, he and my father were burning things they took from the barn.. things that i'm pretty sure really weren't healthy to burn but since when do you ever hear of a hick that really cares? but i am guessing by the plume of THICK black smoke billowing off of the bonfire.. my dad was contributing to the depletion of the ozone layer.. egged on by dave.. we wandered the tree farm for a while looking for a christmas tree.. and boy i'll tell you slim pickens this year.. i really gotta start getting up and trimming them during the summer.. my father didn't even find one he liked. i got lucky i guess, so he put out his official verbal notice telling me that he was buying a fake tree, and that i had almost a month to get over it before i came home for the holidays. *sob* Gramps is probably turning in his grave... at least i didn't give up i have a real tree.. blue spruce even.. and i loveeee them.. it's purrrddy...so jackie and i then wandered the farm and discussed food names for our lovers? and sexual parts.. hah! Er i'm sorry as per the txt message Jackie sent to my phone.. it was food names for our "boo's" in fact the actual txt reads "food names when referring to ones "boo" we were kinda in the middle of the wood.. lacking the pen and paper list.. so she txted it to me just to be sure we didn't forget. after that a viscous snowball fight ensued.. of course it was mostly me and Jackie pinging mike in the back of his bald head with snowballs.. that had to suck.. he even got a nice chunk of snow down his back.. ok maybe it was more ice.. and of course since i did that i brought Michael's snow wrath upon jackie.. because he didn't realize it was me that had nailed him.. (i am secretly 007 but shhh.. but don't tell anyone..) oh.. so then we went to visit Uncle Donny... he had just gotten out of the hospital twenty minutes prior.. with chest pain.. he's fine.. jackie fell asleep on his couch while we were discussing the depressing family feud over Uncle Joe's farm.. i told him she was at work all night.. she wasn't.. she was playing hanky panky with her significant other.. and got no sleep.. so now she keeps telling me she wants to go back to work.. hahah....ok i want to share this line of dialogue "give me your keys.." "um well there's mikes keys" "mikes keys go to your car?" "yeah, he does have both sets of keys.." "yeah umm.. well i have a gun..." (wtf? hahah might have had to have been there... i'm pretty sure the gun comment was directed more at the fact that mike had my keys than anything else *giggle*) well.. more about the adventures of Karin and Jackie later.. wonder what today will bring.. i still haven't had my coffee yet .. lol..


The Tussin..

ok.. so like seth and i were talking about the dumb things we used to do.. and he just described LMAO "robo-tripping" like this "omg i loved that. powerhouse a bottle then lay back with some trippy tunes.... the first time i did it i felt like i melted into the bed, and was a new-wave Alice in wonderland... i was chasing a rabbit with a tussin stain on his chin" i seriously felt the need to share this due to the hilarious mental picture it produces. or the ever wonderful " i have never seen puff the magik dragon" when discussing wither or not marijuana produces a hallucinogenic effect on a person. it seems someone was told that it does.. and this some one was misinformed.. sadly so. yea for the media! i soo love propaganda. Tobacco accounts for 440,000 deaths a year in this country. (yet it's still legal) And alcohol accounts for roughly 50,000 deaths a year. (yet this is still legal.. and easily available) Meanwhile there's never been a person in the history of mankind that's died from an overdose of marijuana. It is just not toxic enough. If it were made legal or decriminalized we would find that there were fewer victimless criminals clogging our prisons and wasting taxpayer money for recreationally smoking a little pot. Sticking a "first offender" in jail only creates more financial strain on the taxpayers, and needlessly.. its not like the streets are safer because some doper is in jail.. no.. just means there will be more Doritos in the store for you to buy. The courts, police, and lawyers would have time to deal with REAL crime. We would take away, if not slow down, the huge black market profits the drug kingpins are making. We would be able to ease some poor person's suffering.(and this is something i really stand for.. ) We could seriously reduce the transmission of HIV and Hepatitis. We could control the quality and dosages so fewer people would get sick through contamination and overdose.

and on that note.. i also have to share Sethisms... "phantasmagorikal:" only used when something is so astoundingly amazing that there are few other experiences to match it, not to be confused with "fantabulous" which is one step above fantastic and fabulous
*sigh* my friends are soo very strange! lol


As the world turns (hah! soap opera *vomits*)

The world just keeps turning.. how many times have i heard this, this week? probably far too many.. seems to be a typical response, no matter what is happing... apparently i don't get this concept? or people don't think i do. maybe i don't? sometimes anyways, i think i do... you have to press on.. how hard is that to grasp? but that's not always the easiest thing to do. and that's when you make bad decisions, decisions that hurt the people you love dearly.. (you know who you are and i'm still sorry) selfishness is an ugly thing.. something that really isn't who i am.. anyways.. Michael came back.. i have nothing much to say on this topic as i am utterly indifferent to it, i don't particularly care at this point.. wait.. that was kind of redundant.. well anyways.. i have to be selfish for a while i think.. focus on getting myself strong again.. getting back on track and ignore all the other crap that surrounds me.. stop trying to help everyone else for a little while.. which i don't want to do.. but it seems to have come down to survival of the fittest at this point.. god.. rambling again.. will someone gag me? damn.

Dienen - Ich + Ich (why am i sooo obsessed?)

Du sagst, Du beugst Deine Knie vor Niemand

Du sagst, dass Dich Niemand bestimmt

Du sagst, Du bewegst Deinen Arsch für Niemand

Und dass Niemand Dir was nimmt

Du sagst, Du verschenkst Deine Zeit an Niemand

Und das Du auf Niemand schwörst

Du sagst Deine Liebe bekommt Niemand

Das Du Niemand gehörst

Du wirst irgendwann jemandem dienen

Jemand der weicher ist und zarter als Du

Du wirst irgendwann jemandem dienen

Jemand der weiser ist und stärker als Du

Ich weiß, Du bist der Sklave von Niemand

Und dass Dich Niemand regiert

Du bist der Affe von Niemand

Weil Niemand Dich dressiert

Du bist nur Dreck für Niemand

Weil Deine Liebe Niemand heißt

Du musst Dich trennen von Niemand

Weil Niemand auf Dich scheißt

Dein armes krankes Herz wir in Liebe getränkt sein

Jede Herrlichkeit auf Erden wird auch Dir geschenkt sein

Jemand liebt Dich


Auch Du wirst irgendwann jemandem dienen

Jemand der weicher ist und zarter als Du

Du wirst irgendwann jemandem dienen

Jemand der weiser ist und stärker als Du

Auch Du wirst irgendwann jemandem dienen

Jemand der weicher ist und zarter noch als Du

Du wirst irgendwann jemandem dienen

Jemand der weiser ist und stärker noch als Du

Dein armes krankes Herz wird in Liebe getränkt sein

Jede Herrlichkeit auf Erden wird auch Dir geschenkt sein

Sieh die Wunder und die Zeichen sind schon geschehen

Jemand liebt Dich und wird an Deiner Seite gehen


Auch Du wirst irgendwann jemandem dienen

Jemand der weicher ist und zarter noch als Du

Du wirst irgendwann jemandem dienen

Jemand der weiser ist und stärker noch als Du

Jemand liebt Dich

Jemand liebt Dich und wird an Deiner Seite gehen

Jemand liebt Dich und wird an Deiner Seite gehen

Ich möchte so schlecht in den Armen der Liebe sicher sein…



Well I made it to my family's and back.. it was nice seeing them they were very kind and understanding and did everything to try and cheer me up.. I still never heard a word from mike, go figure, my mother sent him a txt that said something to the effect of "i wish you had made your plans earlier so i could have seen my daughter for thanksgiving" he didn't answer her either. I guess I have to start learning to be alone. *sigh* It's always the holidays that suck.. or so it seems.. well... i am gong to lay down.. i have had about enough of this day.. and this life.


I wonder... still no word from Mike.. I wonder if he is coming back.. maybe he doesn't plan on it? not one txt.. not one phone call? It's just interesting... as Eric just said... think the writing is on the wall... hummm.. and a happy fucking thanksgiving to you too! HA! *sigh*

Things i am most thankful for..

It's the times when things seem their worst that we are reminded of the good in people, sometimes people we hardly know, and I and thankful that I have friends with warm hearts. That make every attempt to make you feel better when you are at your lowest, who are understanding and know just what to say. Therefore restoring some of my faith in humanity. No matter where or with whom I spend my holiday I know that there are people spending it with me in their hearts, and that counts for so much. Thank you all for all you do!


God i am hurting..

Michael just left for his mothers... left on the worst of terms.. with the coldness of hate.. with words that stung and pierced right through me.. i should never have stayed.. as much at my family can be hard to swallow in ct at least it would be better than this.. i want to be with my aunt nancy anyways.. she's only getting worse i just talked to my father earlier.. and he told me like it was no sugar coating.. that she is not going to get better.. i just want to be there.. i want to be with her.. or something... hell i don't know what i want.. i just know this is not it... i can't take the cold words the loneliness.. this is just not right.. this life is not what i wanted.. not what i asked for.. not what i dreamed about.. maybe i did something to deserve all this.. for the people i hurt in my life.. its all coming back on me and 10 fold.. god..


So .. today like yesterday.. i get to fill out more forms.. *sarcastic yippee* i wake up to my mother telling me i need to do this right now, and that it is so imperative that i do it right now, that i can't even take a ten min shower. *groan* fine.. so i roll over half dead.. still haven't even opened my eyes completely yet.. haven't had my damn coffee yet and get started filling out mooooree forms... aarrggh ... these people want your blood too i am convinced of it.. i think they actually sit there and come up with the most obnoxious questions to ask of you.. just to deter you for wanting health insurance. now i am listening to eric telling me that "cars no-longer have soul like the fire breathing cars of yore" and that "they are faceless transportation devices.." *sigh* eric.. god love the man. "cars had personality they had character, that's what makes car hobbyists tick! nobody lusts after having a Toyota, no kid has pictures of a Toyota on their walls! no! they have heart machines! That's what we call them, because they had heart!" i think eric is mourning the car market.. it sure sounds that way.. i don't really get into cars that much.. my little "faceless" honda civic hybrid makes me very happy.. and i think its purdy :) well, i can feel a nice migraine coming on from all this stupid paper work.. not to mention.. worrying about dan.. (he's driving in the snow for the first time today *shudder* and we all know how i do in the snow and i've been driving alot longer) he left begrudgingly to visit his family today.. i am going to just go to Mehoopany tomorrow at two for thanksgiving dinner and then home again.. Michael will be in Wilks-Barre.. (hehe.. let him deal with his bitch of a mom) i am actually kind of excited to see the Overfield/Olin clan tomorrow, it's unfortunate Lloyd won't be there, i just hope tiffany and joe are. of course before dan left i forgot to get that recipe off of him that i gave him to hold on to.. so i may have to suck it up and call my mother again and admit defeat hehe and i have to remember to get the little presents for the grab bag.. so much to do.. and i am so tired yet.. maybe some coffee.. or something? well.. back to theses horrid forms!



Soooooo.. what a day.. filling out forms.. lots and lots and lots of forms for health insurance.. wOOt ... yeah not.. i am EXHAUSTED! but i got to listen to oz all day which was a treat.. i hope everyone will tune into him on tuesdays.. it's totally worth it.. and to think he doesn't get paid for that! it snowed all day today.. it was beautiful.. gigantic flakes, and they were falling very slowly so it was just a winter wonderland out there.. no, no pictures or movies of it today.. my weather obsession did not get the best of me today.. paper work did.. i had to list every damn pill i have been prescribed in the last 5 years.. omg did that take forever! talk about frustrating... but.. the money saving end result makes it worth while. so the stupid gas co came today too.. and of course.. guess who didn't get gas? hehe.. me.. fuck. they are coming back tomorrow at 9am.. so i have to run to the bank tonight at some point.. thank god for ATM's cause i am probably going to make one of my famous 4 am trips to Scranton.. ew.. Scranton.. *vomits* i need to switch banks.. for real.. and i gotta run to Wall-greens and get this prescription business straightened out.. which is thankfully next to my bank and 24 hours... so.. list of things to do tonight.. for now.. i think its nappy time.. i didn't get more than 3-4 hours sleep sooooo im beat.. *passes out*

Jamie Osler..

okay.. sooo oz shared this with me.. he's got this kicking college radio show... anyone interested its alot like wccc.. for you Marvians.. *giggle* here's the link... 91.5 The Impulse Oz is on from 4-6 on tuesdays.. but as i am informed.. due to the vacation he's on early today..

I've been listening for a while and it's way better than anything "the stone" ever put out.. (sorry chris, its true oz knows where its at!) not to mention.. his excellent sense of humor.. Oz your still crazy.. just so you know.. but anyone that plays Danzig and Fear Factory is A-Ok in my book! (haha twice even!) LMFAO!!!!

Jackie at 9am..

Jackie sent me this at 9 am... here is the site.. (i'll hyper link it later when i am awake) but damn.. 9 am on no sleep?? i did pretty good *proudly smiles* haha ok retarded.. see how you can do..


(hehe you can click it now :) :) )
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Average score for this quiz during November: 78.1%
Average score: 78.1%

Tom and Jerry..

It's official.. i am sooo addicted... i love my Tom and Jerry... i really really can't get enough of it.. not even close.. here is my favorite episode...

i hope you like :)



I've come to understand something over time.. love is a very arduous thing.. well.. not the loving part.. that's the painless part.. the part that makes it hard is loosing the things we love... but in order to love something, you must be able to let it go. i have been forced to do quite a bit of letting go this year... too much letting go.. more than one human soul should be expected to endure.. i walk heavy hearted though this world of despondency.. and try to hold my head high.. praying to something, anything to give me a small glimmer of promise.. when will i find my utopia? i keep thinking i have finally found what i am looking for.. then i stumble and fall all over again.. it's like a malevolent joke played only on me.. my mind is immersed with memories of things past.. leaving me to long for things i can not have... making a mockery of the things i now do.. but where would i be without love? it seems the only pure emotion i am capable of.. i have nothing but love for everything of this world... this is both my greatest strength and my greatest weakness.. and it causes me the greatest amount of pain.. of course.. in my life i have one love, that causes only happiness, and seems to outweigh the bad in everything, a love so strong it would seem nothing can break it.. a love that completes me and makes me feel whole, reminds me of who i am and why i am blessed enough to be alive. every single day i remain thankful for this undying and unyielding grace that i do not deserve, but have been given. and i wonder and revel in its awesomeness.. and hope to everything holy i will have it till my dying day...