12.03.2008

In Light of the What??

Ok so there probably isn't much of a light side to all that has been going on.. and if there is i don't think i can find it.. i seems everyone is going through some sort of hell this week.. i, thankfully so far am only dealing with the loss of time still.. and lack of sleep... went to bed at 3:30 am .. and got up at 8 am... MF!!! like i was just telling james.. i think the lack of sleep is partially due to some inner duress.. and lack of comfort.. i know someone in particular that could help with that...so yesterday eric has me on the phone for what? like an hour and a half? bitching to me about how i need to get rid of jackie as a friend.. because of the gun thing.. i hadn't told him the story to complain.. i told him the story because it became funny, well he didn't see any funny in it. not that he ever does... the phrase "look on the brighter side of life" is a string of words eric would never be able to fashion together. i still don't get why he feels it is his duty to act like papa bear and tell me how he thinks i should life my life, especially since he has made such a damn mess of his own and is so miserable, but misery does love company. So then there is Jackie.. who keeps getting herself into these yikki situations.. and i worry about her alot.. (i am not going to rehash what she has always said.. you know where to find her blog)Then there's Selina.. who called me high on some blotter acid.. yeah.. that was brilliant... and Gregory talking to me yesterday was just the darn strangest thing in the whole world.. he was being friendly and seemed like he was actually reaching out for once.. and of course misery had something to say about that too.. about how he only talks to me when he needs something.. which is funny especially because during that whole conversation not once did he ask for one thing... Danny called last night and was talking to me for at least two hours too.. i slept for a little bit randomly.. heh.. ask dan about that one. (Not danny, Dan.. toooo many dans!!!) well.. lets see how many times misery calls me today.. and how many aneurysms he is gonna have today... ugh! i wish jackie would come back at least things would be interesting..

9 comments:

Lost said...

Have you and Jackie ever considered being room mates? Sometimes that can help.. I hate it when people only see the bad in everything, and I totally know how that makes you feel. You're trying to express something that you see as good, and they turn it into everything but. Or, at least in their eyes. Some people forget that everyone is different, and what might be bad for one, is good for another.

At least to an extent. I personally think you and Jackie have a good relationship. You know how to make each other laugh, which is definitely a good thing. Probably one of the best things in the world, if you ask me. I'd rather have only friends that make me laugh, then a lover that makes me cry. Not that you have a lover that makes you cry, I'm just talking in general. Personally, I have people in my immediate life, that insist on making me feel bad about everything I find good. I try to just ignore them. Heh.

Good luck hun, and you know you can talk to me when ever you need to. My messenger info can be found on my Plurk page.

BluExtacy said...

Thanks Khai.. i keep telling her to come stay with me.. i love having her around.. i always did at the college too.. we were attached at the hip lol... went everywhere together and did everything together.. and yeah.. i seem to have surrounded myself with people who are so negative... and i really hate negativity.. its suffocating.. i only know how to see the good in everyone, even eric with all his misery, he is miserable for good reasons, and i feel for his pain, but that doesn't mean he should inflict it on everyone around him.. and Khai.. i wanted to tell you.. that your love for Kash. is just.. utterly refreshing.. too many people have forgotten what love is.. what it means.. and are to afraid to talk about it... you guys are quite an inspiration.

Lost said...

Yeah, where I'm at now, with my blood family.. despite I love them, they just aren't good for me. I've known this since I was young, and still a child. Imagine growing up, feeling that way. Holidays...were the worst time of my life. I missed Kash, I missed Ann, Angel.. and many others, I've only since met in my life. As a child, I didn't understand it.

My parents said I was just doing it for attention, I would cry, every holiday.. they'd get me toys, anything.. and all I wanted was my family. My real family. Imagine knowing that, but being afraid to really speak it. I didn't want to hurt them, I still don't want to. I haven't spent an actual holiday for months with my biological family.

It's just too hard, I'm miserable. They are just not what I need, to be happy. To be me. To be free. But yeah, so back to the negative part, my family, despite they mean good, they seem to only send negative vibes my way. They don't mean to, I know they don't. But they are there, maybe it's my empathy. It's just heart breaking. They try to understand me, but they just can't.

And about my love for Kash.. all I can say, is, it is divine. That divine love, that only a few can fathom, and most yearn for. Everyone can experience it, problem is, honestly, most are too scared of it. Kash and I are working on a story, that hits close to home for us. Called 'Love and Light'. I think you'd like it. :)

BluExtacy said...

i really look forward to reading it.. and divine.. hummm.. i like that description... your real family? are you adopted, like me? i could tell you quite a long winded story on that.. lol.. i think the two of us really need to focus on the good people in our lives.. and only the good people in our lives.. or so it would seem.. leave the negative ones in the dust.. which i know and you know isn't easy. and you can talk to me when ever too.. my aim is xbluextacyx or yahoo is kandyraverspooky.. :)

Jackarooo said...

yeah so I was a total mess last night sorry about that ... I don't even care anymore ... now I can get new "toys" and learned that lesbian bars are not good places for meeting girls. This is the 3rd time something shitty happened. only I just didnt care that much about the first two. I really dunno what came over me last nghit I just really wanted to like commit suicide. I'm glad you adn Eagle where there to talk to other wise bad things would have happened... anyway I love you Karin (but not the lets get naked kinda love)

BluExtacy said...

awwww y not? we should totally get naked lmfao

Jackarooo said...

I've already seen you naked

BluExtacy said...

yeah.. and i've seen you naked.. so.. where's the harm in that sexy mama? *giggle*

BluExtacy said...

damn.. where's Crystal and Ira when we need em? were you around for that? god i hope you were..