I've come to understand something over time.. love is a very arduous thing.. well.. not the loving part.. that's the painless part.. the part that makes it hard is loosing the things we love... but in order to love something, you must be able to let it go. i have been forced to do quite a bit of letting go this year... too much letting go.. more than one human soul should be expected to endure.. i walk heavy hearted though this world of despondency.. and try to hold my head high.. praying to something, anything to give me a small glimmer of promise.. when will i find my utopia? i keep thinking i have finally found what i am looking for.. then i stumble and fall all over again.. it's like a malevolent joke played only on me.. my mind is immersed with memories of things past.. leaving me to long for things i can not have... making a mockery of the things i now do.. but where would i be without love? it seems the only pure emotion i am capable of.. i have nothing but love for everything of this world... this is both my greatest strength and my greatest weakness.. and it causes me the greatest amount of pain.. of course.. in my life i have one love, that causes only happiness, and seems to outweigh the bad in everything, a love so strong it would seem nothing can break it.. a love that completes me and makes me feel whole, reminds me of who i am and why i am blessed enough to be alive. every single day i remain thankful for this undying and unyielding grace that i do not deserve, but have been given. and i wonder and revel in its awesomeness.. and hope to everything holy i will have it till my dying day...

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