Thinking at 5:35 am on a Wednesday..

I was just looking through Andrew and Heather's pictures on facebook as they recently added me as a friend. Here i go again.. yes.. talking about the past again... somehow i messed things up.. somehow i went the wrong way.. i didn't go to St. Andrews in Scotland.. though i could have.. i don't have "flat mates" i don't have summers at the Yacht Club.. i don't have trips with friends on the boat for the weekend... although i have all this available to me. and have had it all available to me.. i just left it all behind for what i thought was a better way of life.. is it? is it really? or am i just as stuck up as the rest of them? i only thought of myself when i left.. am i just thinking of myself again? somehow my life seems darker.. drearier.. compared to the lavish lives they lead that i could lead.. but i shy away from it? why? maybe because i know its superficial.. that real life isn't roses and caviar... but it could be.. god.. where did i screw this up? where did i go so backwards? maybe i really should go home.. *sigh* i just don't know any more...