Lately its the little things that count so much. its the friends we meet.. its the words of hope i hear.. its the comfort knowing i am not alone.. that give me strength to preserver.. to continue on.. in the darkness that i find myself wading through.. trying desperately to make sense of.. to come to terms with my life.. and things i have to accept.. i deal that i can not save the child that i love dearly. that i have no more to do with his life. i have to step back somehow. somehow let what is going to happen, happen.. even though i know it will ruin his innocence.. even though i know that everything i fought to protect him from will be for nothing. all i want in this life is to hold him in my arms once again and tell him its going to be ok.. and actually mean it.. and know i am telling him the truth.. that it will be ok.. that he can be happy. i want him to know how much i love him. there is no love like a mothers love.. it knows no bounds. it is endless.. as far as the night is long. to the world i am not his mother.. to me and timmy i am. he told me so. no matter what happens no matter where he is.. i will all ways be his mother. in my heart he will all ways be my son. he will all ways have a place in my heart. in my home and in my life. i don't care what anyone else things or says. i shed tears for him when i found out he wasn't coming home.. mike.. apparently didn't want to comfort me.. all i got was this is what you wanted isn't it? no. i wanted timmy to come home. its like everyone is stone around me..  and then my friend came back to me.. my friend who understands.. who gets me.. and thank god. i have peace. he listened. he held me with his words.. maybe now i can heal. maybe now things can come together and reality will stop assaulting me with its harshness. people.. if you have someone in you life like this.. hold tight.. never let them. go. if even in your darkness.. they can give you light.. they are worth keeping. never take them for granted.  

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