I just want to go..

I just want to drive.. drive far.. and fast.. without direction.. without purpose.. with out care.. i want to see where i end up.. i'm not sure if anything is right anymore.. or maybe i'm just not sure of anything.. god.. i feel so trapped.. trapped in my physical mental and emotional agony.. i'm sliding off the edge again.... slipping through the crack... where are you erin? you get that.. *sigh* that was a lifetime ago. everything is a life time ago! i feel like i could just burst. sometimes i wish i would.. would be a funny way to go... wtf happened here? we don't know.. looks like she exploded?? ha! how like me would that be? just wish i had a place.. a place that is all good.. no such place exists.. god i need a job.. i need to do something.. i need to get out of this!!!! i am wallowing.. i hate wallowing.. damn my dad for being right! aragh! why is the world so damn cruel???? how can a guy like tim be aloud to have his son? and i who took excellent care of him.. and loved him to no end... cant? that asshole will starve him and beat him.. god i hate him. of course.. i cant tell him that. im loosing it.. i really am.. i'm cracking.. help someone.