Where i am at

Given all that is going on i have an erie calm. nothing is bothering me. its like somehow i have found a way to move on and preserver.. i got the strength to rise up above all this. maybe i have given up. but im not sure. i keep pushing through.. the depression has lifted. i have learned to find happiness in small things. to laugh when my dog does something cute, to smile no matter how i am feeling. somehow that is working. we have no money, i have no job, my family is broken apart, i lost my child to the devil but i have found a way to forgive. our minister told me i had to to find peace. he is right. when i decided to truly forgive him for what he did to me and my family, i could begin healing. it is a slow process but every day i feel better. i had it in my head that i was going to send him this letter saying that i hated him. i don't. i understand that he has a problem. he doesn't realize that what he did is wrong. his letter from the prison confirmed my suspicions that he has no concept of what he has done. he doesn't realize the tidle wave of destruction he caused. my life will go on. i will be okay. somehow. i will continue. no person will bring me down again. i am stronger and wiser for this. i have learned. and instead of calming up and shutting down i am not going to let him win. i will come out on top. i am strong. i have friends and good ones that sick with me. its funny how when you need them most friends who have been out of your life have a way of appearing again. one in particular i am very grateful for. he showed up at just the right time on facebook. he knows who he is. just when i was loosing faith in humanity. when i though everyone was corrupt he came back into my life. and thank god. and i do.

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