What a fucking day..

I decided to go up to Montrose and visit the farm and my family today, and i am really glad I did because I think it might be the last time I see Uncle Ace. My family has this innate ability to know when they are going to die.. its a little unsettling. I first went there and Aunt Anne wasn't there so I talked to uncle ace for a little bit he was disoriented and tried to call Aunt Anne but didn't realize he was calling the number of the house he was at. I convinced him to tun on his oxygen again and go back to sleep and told him we would come back again. we then went to Uncle Donnie's house and talked to him for a while and of course he tried to give us money which I didn't let him do. after we went and got some food at Don Lockeheart's and then went back to Ace and Anne's. Ace was sitting at the kitchen table and my Aunt Lois (their daughter) was there. Uncle ace talked to me for a while, John and Sarah talked to Lois because she knows BPT pretty well from teaching at UB. Ace then decided he couldn't stay awake any more so I walked him to bed and as I helped him lay down he started crying. Telling me that age was getting to him and he wasn't going to be around much longer. I told him not to talk like that and that he would live a long time, and he pleaded with me to help him that he couldn't breath and he was in pain and what could he do. So I sat with him and held his hand and rubbed his back. I told him that I would come up and see him next saturday, it's my weekend off he told me he wouldn't be here then. I told him not to be afraid if that was the case, that getting old is a part of life and that God loved him because he was a good person his whole life and he continues to be. I must have told him a hundred times I loved him, and it was like getting a second chance that I never had with grandma and grandpa to actually say goodbye. I just pray he is wrong, and I don't pray, but because he believes so much I prayed for him. Watching him cry like that in be in so much pain tore my heart out I love him so much. Part of me thought maybe I should stay the night and hold his hand.. but I know I couldn't do that, driving the hour and a half every day.. I would be dead on my feet. So yeah.. My Aunt Helen's funeral is on saturday so I will be heading back up there for that. I decided I needed something to cheer me up after all this so I stopped at the art studio and hung out with Mark for a while, he is starting a new series of work, instead of fish scenes on pots she is doing reliefs of Salmon during the various stages of life. its the creepiest thing I have ever seen.. and I hate fish as you well know. Soooo speaking of fish... yeah.. we had a pregnant chinchilid, and tonight it died, (how fitting) and they are live barers welll apparently Sarah could see the babies moving inside the fish still.. so I woke mike up and he cut the fish open only to find the babies had died.. so yeah.. today and tonight sucked.